Monday, December 08, 2008

Blah

Just so we're clear, I hate today. I hate the snow. My car hates the snow. I hate the cold. I'm pretty sure I'm going to hate Thursday too, if the weather channel is any indication.

If anyone (J, J, P, S...I'm looking at you) cares about me at all, they would take my away to some place tropical right away. Or by February by the very latest. By then I should be nicely set into the deep depths of despair.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Hiding the Christmas Pickle

Day 1 - It's 8:41 am and I've hidden that pickle 5.2 million times since 8 am. It's 8:41 and she has "given up" 5,199,999 times. O.M.G. The Christmas Pickle. I think I'll be cracking open the Christmas Sailor Jerry rum by about 3 pm today. Given that today is only December 6 and that leaves us 19 more days to play Hide the Pickle, I'd suggest you go to the liquor store NOW if you want any Sailor Jerry for yourself this festive holiday season. I said now.

Update 8:44 am - she just told me that she gives up and the Christmas Pickle is now looking for her.

Here is the story from the tag that came with the pickle. Jay gave us all these pickles for Christmas last year.

Legend of the Pickle - Start this tradition in your home...legend says that the pickle, a symbol of good luck (Um...I need about 50 more of these good luck charms), was the last ornament placed on the tree. The first child to find the pickle on Christmas morning was rewarded with an extra gift left by St. Nicholas. This tradition encourages children to appreciate all the beautiful ornaments on the tree, rather than rushing to see what Santa has left for them.

My spin on the pickle - put it on the tree as soon as you remember it in December. Tell your 5 year old about it so she can bug the hell out of you asking where it is, give up on it, find it, and repeat the cycle.
Spin #2 - Invite people over and tell them to find the pickle. Tease them mercilessly when they can't find it. Anyone want to come over?

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Today is One of Them

You know what? Some days just plain suck and today is one of them.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish

My kid is an incredible swimmer. I know every parent is proud of their child. But, seriously, that girl is an amazing swimmer.

The Littlest Princess started swimming "lessons" at the indoor pool when she was four months old. I have continued putting her in lessons as often as possible. I didn't put her in lessons at all last year because she was advancing too quickly. She had just turned 4 years old and would have been in a class with kids who were 5 and 6 years old. That's a big age difference so we took a year off.

She is back in lessons this year and she's amazing. She seems to "get it" so quickly. She and my dad spent sometime working with a flutter board in my parent's pool this summer. Dad, you will be happy to know your teaching did not go to waste. She took that flutter board and left the teacher in her wake. I didn't think it was a big deal until the other kids took their turn - trust me it was a big deal.

JJ will be starting diving lessons in January. Just as a precaution, I asked her swimming teacher to evaluate her tonight to make sure she is a strong enough swimmer to take diving. I watched as the teacher asked her to swim across the pool. Remember, JJ only turned 5 years old in September of this year. She jumped into the deep end of the pool, without a life jacket, and swam clear to the other side in about 30 seconds. I was confident she was a strong swimmer but I was surprised at the speed! At the end of the lesson, the teacher came to the door and I looked at her questioningly. She simply shook her head and said "She's strong enough."

She's such an innocent looking little girl with her blond ringlets and lack of front teeth. I'm thinking of taking her to the pool and putting her in races against unsuspecting teenagers. I'll place a few bets and see what happens. She may as well learn the art of fleecing people early and from I've seen at swimming lessons...she's quick study.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

I Had a Vision

For once I had a vision and it actually worked out. This is not normally the case. Things don't usually turn out the way I see it in my head.

JJ and I are starting completely from scratch with Christmas decorations. As of 2 weeks ago, all we had was a Christmas pickle (thanks Jay!) and a Christmas wine stopper (mine...not JJ's). We have decided to go in a completely new direction. Think color and sparkle. None of that stodgy old monochromatic stuff for us. We felt we needed some pizzaz.

On to the vision. A few months ago I came up with the idea of wiring groups of Christmas balls together to make cluster. Then I thought I would put the clusters on the tree as a base. Much to my surprise, it turned out just the way I envisioned it. We are using only 5 colors on the tree (I had to have some standards). We're using red, silver, green, blue, and purple. The clusters have 4 balls each and the color combos are whatever I grabbed. I love how it looks and I'd like to do the entire tree like this. However, my dear daughter is very excited to put more on. So, of course, that is what we will do and it will be beautiful!

Here are some photos and they do not do the tree justice. It doesn't look as skinny in real life. I got the tree at Michael's last week. I didn't not look as glittery when it was waaaaay up on the display shelf. I'm going to be glittery for months. Maybe it will give my personality some sparkle.

Top part of the tree:

Whole tree:

Cluster:



Sunday, November 23, 2008

That creative flow from this morning came to a very abrupt halt around 2:30 pm. The phone rang and JJ's father said "JJ need to go to the hospital." I immediately asked where they were. He told me about the accident and said he needed to get her stuffed animal and then she needed me. I told him I would meet them at his house.

They had gone sliding at a friend's house this afternoon. Apparently, they got about 15 mins of sliding in and she had an accident. She was going the hill by herself and hit a rock (as big as her) head first. He said she hit so hard that she flew backwards into the air. She split her head open and hurt her foot.

I arrived to see her and she enough her head was split open. I could immediately see that it needed stitches. Bad thing to say. She started screaming that it would hurt. Right or wrong, I told her it would hurt but only for a second while they gave her medicine to take the pain away. I don't believe in lying to her. Her foot was injured too and she couldn't stand on it at all. Off the ER we go.

There was a huge waiting period at the hospital but she needed her head look at. We waited about 3 hours in the waiting ear. I just say the LPN (Marion) on duty was fantastic. She was very helpful and compassionate too. She bandaged JJ's head to keep the wound from drying out and it was hilarious. I wish I had a picture but grabbing my camera was the last thing on my mind. Finally, they offered to glue her head for us. By that point she could stand on her foot a bit, wiggle her toes and rotate her ankle. It was mildly swollen but nothing horrible. I told them to glue her head and we would call our doctor about the foot tomorrow.

The nurses started to clean her head wound and tears started to well up in JJ's eyes. She held my hand but you could tell it hurt. She loves to sing so I told her that when I hurt I sing to make the pain go away. So right there in the middle of the ER, we weren't in a room...we were just behind the triage desk, I started to belt out Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. I didn't even try to keep my voice low. I just let it go. JJ sang along with me and by the time we finished the song the glue was done. As I got her coat on to leave, she started to sing the song again and looked up at me and said "It stings." and she kept right on singing. I almost cried.

She is such a brave little kid. I made her laugh hysterically at one point in the waiting room. I looked at her with fake surprise and said "I can't believe you hit a rock head first and that tooth STILL didn't come out!!" She thought that was hilarious.

Mish Mash of Stuff

I have my internet homepage set to Yahoo and when I got online this morning I saw an article that made me chuckle. The headline is that a woman was charged for careless driving. What was so careless you ask? She was trying to eat a bowl of cereal while driving. I know you think I'm going to ream her for trying that, right? Wrong. I've tried to eat soup while driving. Not from a fast food place either. In a bowl I brought from home. Let me tell you, it's not easy to eat soup while speeding down Route 8 because you're late.

I woke up with a bit of a creative itch this morning. That is big news in itself (is that grammatically correct?). I've been so creatively stunted lately that it's driving me crazy. I have nothing to say let alone to write about. I have no desire to make or send Christmas cards. In fact, I think I'm going to get rid of my stamping supplies. The same unfinished scrapbook layout sat on my table for over a month Decorating is not even on my radar. Clean is good enough for me.

I think the bug bit yesterday. I finished the layout. It just needed a title and I even had the title in my head. I just didn't have the motivation to put it on paper. After that, I used some scraps to decorate an empty coffee can in a Christmas motif. This morning I woke up at 6:45 to watch cartoons with the Littlest Princess. After she left with her Dad at 8:30 am, I did an entire layout. Yup, a whole one. Then I saw the Yahoo article and decided to blog.

I need to get up and do something else before this creativity escapes me again. Who needs a shower anyway? I'll just rub some glitter on myself and call it pretty.

Friday, November 21, 2008

For the Love of Money

I've mentioned in the past that my 5 year old daughter loves money. She especially loves toonies because they have a "golden middle" and pink and golden are her favourite colours, you know.

JJ lost her first tooth in August while camping with my parents in Shediac. Unfortunately she swallowed the tooth and boy was she pissed about it. All ended well because Grampie helped her write a letter to the Tooth Fairy explaining the situation. The money left behind by the Tooth Fairy left a lasting impression on my daughter. Teeth equal Toonies. It's that simple.

A few months ago, I realized that JJ had 5 more loose teeth. From that day forward, it has been her mission to get those teeth out of her head and under her pillow. She plays with them constantly and 2 of them have been hanging by a string for weeks now. Wednesday night, JJ had been in bed for 45 mins when I heard her yell like her pants were on fire. She came charging out of her room yelling that she pulled her tooth out. She was beyond herself with excitement. So we put the tooth under her pillow and, sure enough, the tooth fairy came in the night.

Now, you must understand that my daughter is an all or nothing kind of girl. Of course, she sees this tooth thing as a way to get more toonies and it just so happens she has 4 more loose teeth. What luck! Last night after she'd been in bed about 20 minutes, I hear a yell and we have a replay from the night before. The little bugger tried to pull out another tooth! This time it didn't go nearly as well. She came of out of her room with blood dripping down her face and the tooth still attached. She asked me to pull it out but after one failed attempt she was over that plan.

I cleaned her up and put her back in bed with strict instructions to leave the tooth alone. The things we will do for money.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Safety Warning

You should never attempt to blow dry (actually any activity involving electricity) your hair at the bathroom sink while a 5 year old is brushing her teeth. Failure to heed this warning could, no, probably will result in electrocution.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Perfectly Perfect

Do you know someone who has the perfect life? Everything about their life is just textbook perfect...everything is just so and the way it is all "supposed to be". Everything is just so perfectly perfect. You know, the person who makes you feel inferior because you didn't iron your underwear today or serve a full course breakfast using the fine china before sending your kids out the door this morning.

For these people, no mountain is too big to climb, no crisis is too much to handle. Just put on a smile, be positive, and charge on. Oh, and don't forget the perfect handicraft for the occasion. After all nothing says "Flood Relief" like a homemade tea cozy.

Funny this is, I find that often these perfect people tend to be the most judgemental. Geez, if I could just have made the perfect Christmas topiary then maybe my marriage wouldn't have fallen apart. DAMMIT! I deserve to be judged. Actually, I think that judging is just part of human nature. I'm guilty by times. If anyone tries to tell me they are too perfect to judge, I would call them a liar. We all do it.

Over the past 10 months since my separation, I've tried to stop talking about issues pertaining to other people. I'm not perfect and yes I have my opinions. But I've tried to stop sharing those opinions. More specifically, I've tried to stop gossiping. I try not to say anything that I wouldn't want to be public knowledge. Gossip is hurtful and often not true. I'm well aware that separation/divorce is a juicy subject. But you likely don't know the whole story. I've been pretty lucky in my situation. The whole thing has been amicable and my soon to be ex as even said that he realizes that I did the right thing and it was courageous.

Unfortunately, it seems like I set off an epidemic. Alot of people around me are having similar issues of their own. Unfortunately, it seems that marital issues are a conversation topic that is too good not to talk about. It might do us all good to remember that Karma can be a real bitch. Be careful or she might just bite you in that perfect ass of yours.

Well, I'm off to scrub the floor with a toothbrush. It is simply the only way to make it sparkle to perfection.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Hold on....

The following is a statement I've heard many times at work this past week from multiple peoeple:

"Hold on, just let me put my teeth in."

Um, okay.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Weird Pet Peeve

I have a bit of an odd pet peeve. Actually, I'm not sure it's really a pet peeve because it doesn't irritate me...it just grosses me out.

I don't like it when I hear people using nail clippers at work. It just grosses me out for some reason and I can't even tell you why. It doesn't bother me if someone pulls them out to do a quick little fix. But right now I can hear the repetitious click of someone cutting all of their nails at their desk. That grosses me out. I think you should save your manicure for home. I don't think you should pick your nose at a red light in the car either. But that is probably just me being picky and critical again.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Coffee Review

I wrote this yesterday afternoon for a few ladies I work with. It is about me trying the new coffee machine in the lunchroom.

This afternoon I ventured down to the second floor with great anticipation. I was about to try out the new coffee machine. Imagine my delight upon learning that for $1.25 I could have coffee creations of my choice. Mochachino, latte, cappuccino…all the tips of my fingers any given time the moods strikes me. Woo Hoo – I can hardly contain my excitement. Down the stairs I go, smile on my face, and anticipation bubbling under the surface.

I enter the lunch room with caution looking around for the cute little machine. Instead I find an impressive technological beast sitting beside the vending machine. I feel a bit of trepidation and intimidation just looking at the chrome beast. “Suck it up!” I think to myself and I approach the promise land. Decisions, Decision! What should I get? I finally decide to play it safe and I get a regular coffee with milk. I didn’t see the buttons allowing me to add sugar but all is good because I have sugar in my desk. I keep to the task. I put my money in and hit the button. I listen to the whirling of the machine as it freshly grinds my beans. Next, I hear the clunk of my cup dropping. I look and think to myself “Hmm…that’s a small cup for $1.00” but I still maintain my optimism. After all, I have so many choices from one machine. After about 30 seconds of brewing and mixing, the machine signals me to remove my cup. I reach in and gently take the cup. Gently quickly flies out the window and turns to full on tugging as I wrestle with the machine to extract my coffee goodness. I throw caution to the wind not caring if I slosh hot coffee on myself. I want my cup ‘o’ joe! Finally the beast releases the wares and I retreat to my office with my prize in hand.

I sit at my desk and smell the coffee. I immediately think I will need lots of sugar in this one. I put in the sugar and gently take a sip, careful not to burn my tongue (because I hate that). It turns out I worried for nothing. Tepid bath water is more dangerous than the swill in my cup. Not even a good dose of Bailey’s is going to save the train wreck of a coffee. My anticipation and excitement has been quelled. My curiosity and wonder has been satisfied. The bottom line on this coffee is this….for the love of all things good, either bring your own or bring Tims!!!!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Try Again Tomorrow

I just called another area of the organization I work for to get some help because I was having a technical issue. Do you know what the solution was? "Try again tomorrow". Wow.

I've been covering for my supervisor for a week now and I get many calls in the run of a day asking me to look at issues etc. All this time I've been actually taking the time to address the issues when in reality all I had to say was "Try again tomorrow." I wish I'd know that this time last week when I started covering the position.

They first told me to wait a few hours and try again. When I said it had already been a few hours they told me they'd check with another part of the organization and call me back. In all fairness, it was the second part of the organization that said to try again tomorrow.

So there you have it. "Try again tomorrow"...the put it off catch phrase of today.

**Good lord, just a side note here. As I was writing this, co-worker that I don't know just looked in my office and said "Where does Suzie Sunshine sit?" I said "She is directly below me on the 2nd floor." We sit on the 3rd floor. Nameless co-worker looks at me and says "I'll put it in the mail." Yeah, good thinking you lazy ass. Send it across town on a truck and back rather than walk down one flight of stairs. I would hate to see you save some money or worse yet, get some exercise. This organization is just full of quality employees. FULL!

Monday, September 15, 2008

What a Diffrence a Year Makes

Every now and then I take the time to read old blogs. I like to go back a year from the current date to see what was going on in my life at that time. It is certainly an interesting read.

At the beginning of 2008, I wrote this sentence at the end of a post "I'm jumping on to see where it takes me and I think it's going to be good." I was talking about life and how I was going to approach the year to come. At that time I didn't realize that my entire world was about to implode on me.

All around the same time some aspects of my social life had a melt down, my marriage ended, and I was so bogged down at work that I felt like I was drowning most days. All of a sudden I had to worry about finances, my mental state, my daughter,s mental state, where we were going to live, and about 10 million other things. I still had to drag myself out of bed when most days I just wanted to hide under the covers to get away from the stress. I had no idea that damn train I was about to hop onto had sooooo much freaking baggage.

Luckily, I've always believed that life continually evolves and changes. I also believe that life will be what I make of it. I've really had to repeat this to myself alot over the last 9 months. But as I approach the one year mark, I'm in a better place. Using the famous Big Brother line "It is what it is." I can't change the past nor can I change other people...I can only make the best of the present situation.

I've wanted to jump off this ride many, many times over the last few months. Some days I still want to get off. But I keep trudging along. I feel more at ease now and I think those closest to me can see that. I bet if I go back and read this is another 6 months, I'll be surprised at, one again, how things have changed in such a short span of time.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my sweet, sweet little girl. The Littlest Princess turns 5 years old today. It has been a big year for her with many changes. She started kindergarten last week and is handling it like a pro. Every morning when I drop her off, I watch her walk on to the playground. Often none of her friend have arrived yet but she doesn't seem to care. She happily walks over to the swings and does her thing. This morning I was watching in the rear view mirror as she tried to dry off the swing to sit on it.

She just turns 5 years old today but she looks much, much older. She looks older than most 6 year olds yet she is probably one of the youngest kids in her class. I think people expect for from her on a cognitive and emotional level because they think she is much older than she is. But if you took the time to look in her eyes and talk with her, you quickly realize she is a sweet, sensitive 5 year old little girl. She still needs all the things 5 year olds needs.

This morning I said Happy Birthday to her and she said "Am I 5 now?' I said "You sure are!" and a huge grin spread across her face. I hope today is a great day for her.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Just So You Know - Part 2

* it is NEVER okay to take files into the bathroom stall with you. Please!
* I'm sure you find your loud opera music to be lovely. However, it makes me want perform a lobotomy on myself. You now have a door, use it.
* payback is a bitch and someone is working their way to hearing a full rendition of me singing "Umbrella" in their office. I haven't yet decided if dancing will be involved but it's a real possibility and it wont' be pretty.
* your perfume is lovely. But a little bit goes a long way. There is no need to fill the entire hallway with your "come hither" scent. Save it for somewhere else...anywhere...just not here.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Just so you know...

* roast beef sandwiches are supposed to be made with mustard not mayo. A dill pickle on the side wouldn't be a sin either.
* badly is a word.
* sauerkraut is essentially rotting cabbage, it ferments for 12 days before it's ready to eat- thanks for the heads up, Jenny Mac.
* it is NOT appropriate to eat sardines in your office for lunch. The smell makes me want to vomit for the rest of the day.
* if I vomit from the smell of sardines, I will do it in the offender's garbage can if I can't make it to the restroom.
* I have decided to switch from flip flops to boots because I don't want to redo the polish on my toenails.
* a thong with lace in the back can be uncomfortable.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

You Could Have Just Told Me

I recently got a hair cut. It was quite a drastic change...at least it feels like it to me. I went from long curly hair that came below my shoulders to an inverted bob that falls about an inch below my jaw line. Sometimes I wear it curly and sometimes I wear it straight. Mostly curly because straight is just too much work.

I like the new hair cut but I am certainly not the biggest fan of my new hair. I have been receiving compliments left right and centre. In fact, one lady at work couldn't stop telling me how much she just loved it. She told me in the morning and then later on she came back to tell me again when she heard someone else complimenting me on it. I seem to get at least one compliment a day. Yesterday someone told me my hair makes me look sassy. Hehehe...jokes on them because I am pretty sassy. My parents used to tell me so all the time.

I hope the compliments are sincere. However, the sheer volume of them makes me wonder....How bad was my hair before?!?! I mean really, I know it was kinda wild and unruly but it must have really looked like crap! Someone could have just suggested the hair cut along time ago and saved me the horror of walking around looking like a Sasquatch. Geesh.

Monday, September 08, 2008

You're Searching for Who on the What?!?!

A few months ago, I added a feature to this blog that shows where visitors are coming from and such. It is on the right hand side at the bottom. This feature provides me with much entertainment. At the bottom of the pane, you can click on "watch in real-time" and it shows where people are visiting from (don't worry it doesn't identify you. I have no idea who the faceless creepers are), how they arrived (either directly, from another blog, or from a google search for example) and how long ago they visited.

What I love most about this feature is seeing the people that arrive on the blog via a google search and which words/terms they were googling. Do you have any idea how many people end up on this blog by googling "topless sunbathing Jamaica"???? At least 1 per day. Someone even arrived by searching "topless jogging"...that the heck? I mean really....Ewww. There is good naked and bad naked. I have seen topless jogging and, take my word for it, it is bad naked.

I'll let you know if any other really good google search terms come up.

UPDATE - Holy hell someone arrived here by goolging "topless jogging" while I was writing this!!! What are the chances of that. Damn, if only they had waited a few minutes. Maybe they could have left a comment explaining WHY they were googling topless jogging. Enquiring minds want to know.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Big Day

Today is a big day for the Littlest Princess. Today is her first day of school. She was pretty excited this morning. She woke up at 6:18 am and wanted to leave right away. I had a difficult time getting her to wait until 8:40 to leave the house. when we arrived at the school, she jumped out of the car and ran to the door. We said hello to one of her teachers, Mrs. F., changed her shoes, and headed into the classroom.

JJ was still on a high when she entered the classroom. I shared a secret with her about one of her teachers that she thought was pretty cool. I told her that Mrs. F. likes to scrapbook. JJ was bouncing to tell Mrs. F that she scrapbooks as well. So she told her and we walked into the classroom.

We chose a seat at a table and then thing went downhill. JJ started to look around and realized she didn't know a single other child in the room. She knows kids who will be in her class but they start tomorrow - half the class goes today, the other half tomorrow, and they all go Thursday. I felt so bad for her. JJ is a very sensitive little girl but she keeps her feelings inside. I could see that she was getting nervous and anxious but she wouldn't say a word.

When it was time for the parents to leave, the kids all gathered on a carpet to listen to the teacher. I left the room and hung out in the hallway for a minute. She turned to looked at me a few times but she was fine. I'm looking forward to going to get her at 11 am to hear how she liked it. Regardless of her first impression today, I know she'll be excited for Thursday when she gets to see all the other children she knows. She's been talking about going to school with B, M, and her cousin, J for weeks now. She'll be fine. As long as she is happy then I'm happy.

UPDATE - JJ thought school was great. She said she will go back on Thursday when all of her "best buddies" will be there. However, she did not want to go to daycare after she was done school. As we were leaving the parking lot we had this conversation:
JJ - "So, Mama, what are we going to do now?"
Me - "I'm taking you to daycare and then I'm going to work."
JJ - "I don't want to go to daycare. I've learned enough for one day."

She is my child through and through.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Just a Little Something to Consider

Dressing in neon green from head to toe...without anything (belt, other color etc) to break up the greeness...makes you look like a walking, talking glow stick. A real treat for the eyes.

Monday, August 18, 2008

The Curse

I am totally cursed with seeing too much. As I've mentioned in the past, I notice things that most other people don't. It is a curse because sometimes I see things I don't want to see and then I'm stuck trying to figure out what to do.

One thing I continually see is people drinking in their cars at the liquor store. Have you ever noticed a person coming out of the liquor store and cracking open their goods right there in the car before pulling out? I'm sure some people have seen it once or twice. I see it almost every time I go to the liquor store lately. I'm sure I'm seeing it more often because I'm looking for it. It drives me crazy. I'm so torn over it. I want to call the police because my friends and family are out on those roads. But if I called the cops every time I saw that, they would start to think I was some sort of crazy drinking and driving vigilante who hangs out at the liquor store looking for offenders.

Tonight a greasy man in a silver Chev truck licence plate CNB 760 cracked open his pint of rum before he even closed the door to his truck. Oh, if you recognize this truck please get this asshat some help or give him a big FU for me. He really disturbs me because it was only 6:15 pm. It's only supper time and he can't wait until he at least gets home to get his drink on?

This guys behaviour enrages me. I have absolutely zero tolerance for drinking and driving. If he doesn't place any value on his life so be it. But pick a method to die that won't harm others. I don't care what happens to him. That may sound callous but its true, I really don't care. But I do care about the innocent victims he will harm when he finally, and he will, causes an accident. I hope he puts himself in a ditch and gets caught before he hurts someone other than himself.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Mr. Inappropriate - Appearing At Wendy's Today

JJ and I are on vacation this week. Yesterday we had a really fun day at Magic Mountain with some friends. Today we are doing little things to pass the rainy day. We booked her b-day party at the Clay Cafe, picked out the cake at the Superstore, and bought a little present for someone. All that brought us to lunch time so we decided to go to Wendy's.

We arrived at Wendy's just before the lunch rush. As luck would have it we ran into a friend there and ended up having someone to eat with. As JJ and I stood up to leave, an older man in a black Harley Davidson skull cap with flames, cut off jean shorts, a shirt unbuttoned to his navel with about 4 gold chains on display walks up to JJ. He makes a gun with his finger and thumb, puts his hand between her eyes like that and shoots her! He actually make the shooting sound and then said "Gotcha!" My jaw was on the floor. I was just about to inform him of how inappropriate he was and then he gives her a loonie. OH. MY. GOD.

How many ways can one person find to be inappropriate?!?! He shot my daughter between the eyes. Then gives her money. And he is a perfect stranger. Maybe he is a retiree looking to get into the pedophile business. I was flabbergasted. My daughter is rarely fearful of anything. I've had many many conversations with her urging her not to talk to strangers. Thank god she had the sense to be fearful of this freak and she hid behind me. At least he didn't ask her to help him find his lost puppy. Asshole.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

I Think I Might be Dead

Well, I've been working 12-14 hour days since last Thursday and I'm not certain if I'm dead or alive. The muscles in the back of my body from my lower back to my feet not only hurt to use them, but they hurt to touch. This is the first time since last Thursday that I've had time to just sit here. At this moment, I'm watching furniture installers unload a tractor trailer full of stuff. I'm sure I won't be sitting long but it's a nice change for the usual 12 hours of constant running I've been doing.

I guess all this to say that I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. I'm just locked in a new office building 12-14 hours per day. Believe it or not, we're having fun and watchign the cute movers work isn't such a bad deal either. Yesterday I got to go for a drive in big tractor trailor truck. It was my first time being in one. Tuesday I won my very first filing cabinet race. No new "firsts" for me on Monday. I guess I'll soon see what today holds for me. My short break has ended because someone found me and my superpowers are needed. I'm off to move more boxes.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Bossy Pig

Sigh, I'm afraid my child is a bit stunted in some areas of her learning. Last night, she called called me a bossy pig. You maybe remember THIS but I swear it is out of character for her. She clearly does not understand. She kept apologizing for calling me bossy and saying "But I didn't call you the other kind of pig, you know snotty. I promise I'll never call you that kind of pig again." I tried to explain that to her that calling someone any kind of pig is not nice but she does not get it and I'm not sure I want to push it. I mean she is right in the sense that I am bossy. But I am not a pig....even if I do snort when I laugh really hard.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

No Buts About It

Lately, it seems there is always one word that totally describes my day from a work standpoint and a personal standpoint. Often I'll just be sitting there and it'll come to me. One day it was "unwillingness" that term just seemed to fit everything about that day. Earlier this week it was "if" what if, I'll do this if, we'll do this if...blah, blah, blah IF! It's only 8:34 am and I already know today is "but". It started with me thinking I'll stay at my desk all day today. It wasn't in the office 5 minutes and.....BUT reared it's ugly head.

We're moving to our new office building soon and there is so much to do. I knew this would be a big project but I wasn't expecting to be this involved. It's been a great opportunity to learn about things I would never touch otherwise. However, it has also made it glaringly obvious to me that this line of work is not for me. I'm a client oriented kind of girl.

As part of this project, I have to manipulate a spread sheet that is going involved over 6300 entries...twice. I got the info yesterday and I put off starting it. It is a critical item and I must do it today. My plan was to sit at my desk all day and hammer it out BUT I had to go to something else within 5 minutes of my arrival. I should have started it when I got back from the other task BUT I needed to take a minute to simmer down for a few minutes first.

Now I'm done this post and geared up to start BUT I'm sure something else with come up. I can hardly wait for the BUT that comes up outside of work. It might go something like this "I wasn't going to park in your reserved parking space BUT..." My response might be "I wasn't going to kick your ass BUT...."

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

She's an Ecclectic Sort

This morning on the way to work, JJ was sitting in the backseat all decked out in her sunglasses. I told her she looked cool and she replied that she is a rockstar. Then she broke into Take me down to the paradise city, where the grass is green, and the girls are pretty. Oh won't you please take me home. Yeah, yeah.


Good ole Guns and Roses. Isn't that what all "I'm almost 5 you know" year olds are singing these days? She was hilarious. She was even doing that whiny Axl Rose voice and had the tune down perfectly. Axl Rose rises from the ashes one more time, reincarnated in the form of a blonde hair, green eyed, after-schooler.

My kid isn't all hard rock, you know. After her rendition of GNR, she effortlessly changed direction and sang a moving version of Tale as Old as Time from Beauty and the Beast. She followed up with Beach Baby and then finished with a self-composed song about sharing.

I believe a star has been born.

Friday, July 04, 2008

After-Schooler: Life at the Top of the Foodchain

Yesterday was JJ's first day back at daycare since last Friday. At our daycare, the kids change classes July 1 for the summer program. When we walked in yesterday, JJ went to her hook and basket and saw that her name was no longer there. She turned to Leonora, a staff member, and said "Where is my stuff?" Leonora said "Well, if I was an after-schooler, where would my stuff be?" JJ's face lit up like Christmas morning.

She is so excited that she is an after-schooler now. The after-schoolers are the big kids at daycare and she is stoked to be part of that club. Last night, JJ was diving into the pool and my dad told her that her dives were looking great. She responded "I am an after-schooler now, Grampie." From the way JJ tells it, it would seem that all good things are directly related to being an after-schooler.

I have no worries about JJ heading off to kindergarten in September. She is ready and very excited. Besides, she's an after-schooler now and apparently they have the world by the horns.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Snotty Pig

JJ and I were driving home the other day and she was eating an ice cream sandwich. We were just a few houses away from home and she offered me a bite of her ice cream sandwich. I said no thank you but she insisted. She handed me a small piece and I popped it in my mouth. The next thing I hear is "You snotty pig! You ate the rest of my ice cream sandwich!" said in her best disgusted voice. Holy hell! The car comes to a screeching halt in the driveway, as I try not to laugh, and I turn around and say "Excuse me?!?" Good god, she repeated it. I almost fell over. You'd think the car coming to an abrupt halt and my head almost flying off my shoulders would have been an indication that she said something inappropriate. Apparently, she was to disgusted with me to notice.

I proceeded to tell her that what she said was very inappropriate, that she will never say it again, and that she needed to apologize to me. JJ had different ideas. She informed me that she would "prefer to sit in the car and chit chat." I had to turn away from her to maintain my composure because I was about to dissolve into giggles. Once I had a handle on myself, I told her she would apologize or go straight to her room for the remainder of the night.

JJ eventually saw the light and apologized. But she also took the time to inform me that eating the remainder of her ice cream sandwich was highly inappropriate on my part.

3 days later and I still laugh when I think of those 2 little words - snotty pig. You have to know my child to understand that calling people names and having an attitude like that is absolutely not normal for her.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

I Use the Term Lady Loosely

Dear Tim Horton's Worker Lady,

You're a bitch.

Princess

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Canada Day...I just want to go to sleep now

Today was our annual Family Canada Day party. In the past few years, some of my cousins and their families have not attended but everyone was back full force this year and it was really nice. We had a few honorary families join us too - Hi Wards, MacDonalds, & Davises. I think there were more people there this year than ever before. But even with all those people it was pretty easy going. We have a ton of kids in our family but there are all getting bit older now so we can all relax a bit.

JJ and my little cousin, Gage, get along so well. He is a year or two older and such a little gentleman. He is rough and tumble but he is so sensitive and caring. The water in the pool was higher to day and, much to JJ's protest, I made her wear water wings because there were so many kids. She likes to dive and her wings came off a few times. When those water wings came off, Gage was the first one there to get them for her. He dove off the inflatable dolphin to get her water wing even though he knew he would lose the toy to another kid. Once both of her wings came off and JJ started to struggle. I was just about to dive into the pool to help her and all of a sudden Gage came charging across the pool, grabbed her, and brought her to the side. To put this in perspective, he is older but he is only an inch or two taller. He is "just" tall enough so the water is not over his head. Getting to JJ to help her was not a small feat for him. He is so sweet.

I told JJ I would take her to the fireworks. They don't start until 10:40 and I'm soooo tired. It's going to be a struggle to stay awake to take her. We certainly won't be staying for the whole thing.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Second Best...It's Almost Good Eough!

The province of New Brunswick recently came out with a new slogan "Be....in this place". I've decided my new personal slogan is "Second best...It's almost good enough!" I've been thinking lately and I'm totally a "settler". I settle for things instead of taking a stand for myself and going after what I really want or deserve. I know that I do it because I don't want to upset people. I'm afraid I might piss someone off if I voice my displeasure. Sometimes, I manage to convince myself that my feelings are not justified even though logically I know they are. I've been this way as long as I can remember.

I don't settle for anything but my best when I am producing something. For example, at work the result may not be perfect but I do things to the best of my ability. I always make sure I'm prepared, that people are not waiting on me, and if at all possible that I'm not standing there telling people that I don't know. Outside of work, if I tell you I'll so something than I do it to the absolute best of my ability.

But when the tables are turned it's a cake walk. Give me your left overs, your half-assed effort, be late, whatever! Because...here it comes. Wait for it, just wait for it. Second best....it's almost good enough.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

I Lied

I totally lied and I'm not afraid to admit it. Last year, around this time, I said that it would be my last summer as a sun worshiper. I meant it, I really did. But I couldn't keep my word. I tried but it's not even July yet and I've already spent considerable time out on the deck in my bathing suit. I love summer.

I'm working on a project at work that doesn't really allow me to take vacation until it ends. Nobody would say no if I asked to take vacation, I don't think, but my work ethic won't let me. Damn ethics. So until mid-August, I'm just going to take a few beach days here and there. And let me be clear, I cannot wait to go to the beach!!

I have plans to head to sit on a purple sand beach and float in the lake with Jenny Mac on Saturday. It's going to be fun. I just need to get myself a beach chair and some water and I'm all set. I could sit on the beach for hours. I always take a book or a magazine but I rarely end up reading. I could just sit there and chat or people watch for the entire day.

This year will be the first year since I was 6 months old that I won't be spending a week in Shediac at the beach. It really saddens me but there is nothing I can do about it. I'll just get in as many day trips as I can. JJ HATES the drive to Shediac. But she did say that is has been a long time since she has seen the giant lobster....so she'll try the drive on more time. I tried to get her excited by pitching the idea as a "girl trip - you and Mommy on the open road". But in the end, it was the prospect of watching movies in the car that won her over.

Monday, June 23, 2008

I Just Can't Look Away

I've been reading a blog every day for about a year and a half now called dooce.com. Her writing makes me laugh out loud on a daily basis. I can really relate to her, I love her sarcasm, and I think she's hilarious. She's been blogging for a number of years and was fired from her job for talking shit about her employer on her blog. Classic!

Anyway, this woman has quite a readership. She doesn't always open the comments on her blog but when she does it's not unusual to see 400-600 comments. I don't take the time to read the comments because she regularly writes pieces about the hate email and comments she receives. She will often copy the comment or email directly into the blog and they are so dumb that they're funny. I don't get the people who write comments or emails saying how much they hate her writing, how bad her blog is, and that they don't know why they read it. It's the same deal with Facebook groups and stuff.

My response is that we must call the police to immediately to track down the horrible people who have the blog readers tied up and are holding a gun to their head FORCING them to read things against their will. It's inhumane and must be stopped.

I also love nasty anonymous comments. I can't take anyone seriously when they are too cowardly to sign their name. If want to leave a nasty comment than have then guts to sign your name. If not, then I don't see how anyone can really care about anything you have to say.

That being said, the exclamation and hate mail blogs that appear on dooce.com are my favourites. So funny.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

She's Not British?

I spent my evening helping my beautiful cousin, Stephanie, and her sister-in-law, Jenelle, make Jenelle's wedding invitations. They turned out very nicely. Thanks for the use of your stamp, Jay. It was the perfect touch.

We chit chatted the whole time we worked and we touched on many different topics. We got talking about music and the subject of Madonna came up. I love Madonna and I've been a fan since I was a child. But she is certainly not the same person she was 20 years ago. Of course, people evolve, change, and grow. But this woman has turned British. She speaks even now speaks with a touch of a British accent.

My point was made loud and clear by the last three sentences of our Madonna conversation

Me: "Madonna even has a fake British accent now. C'mon, she's from Michigan."
Jenelle: "She's from Michigan? You mean she's not British?"

Thank you Jenelle. My point exactly.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Monday Morning Obervations

* Ankle bracelets that are so tight that it makes your foot turn blue are not pretty.

* Ass sweat stains on a chair will evaporate in approximately 30 mins.

* It is possible to leave ass sweat stains at 9:23 am.

* If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie wipe the seatie....is always appropriate.

* Short cut off jean shorts than only end 2 inches below your ass cheeks are never appropriate office wear. Unless you are a federal employee.

* It will not be possible for me to drink enough coffee today.

* Sunburned boobies will sweat.

* I love summer.

That it for now. This list may be uppdated as the day goes on.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

S-A-N-D-W-IC-H

Dear Tim Hortons Cashier Girl,

You may not remember me but you waited on me in the drive-thru the other day. I certainly remember you. I remember when you handed me my sandwich and said "Here's your sammich". Then you turned to the young man working beside you, giggled, and gave the that coy little "I'm cute, right?" look. Sweetie, it's not cute. Not even a little bit and it won't make him like you. In fact, if it does make him like you then he is a complete loser and you need to move on. Quickly.

You've waited on me a number of times in the past and I'm fairly certain you are a smart young woman. It is for that reason, that I hope you quickly discover that it never pays to play down your intelligence for anyone. No one is worth more than your self-esteem and sense of worth.

Love,

Princess aka The Creepy Lady in the Drive-thru

Monday, June 02, 2008

Get the Listerine...NOW!

Saturday night, I was sitting in the living room knitting while the Littlest Princess was brushing her teeth in the washroom. She called out to me and said "Mom, my toothbrush fell in the toilet." I replied, without looking up, "Leave it there!! I'll be right in." I just wanted to put down my knitting so as not to lose any stitches. When I looked up, the child was standing in front of me with the toothbrush in her mouth.

I stammered a bit and said "JJ take that out of your mouth!" She replied "Don't worry Mom I dried it off with a towel." I then started to die a very slow and painful death. Suddenly, a terrifying thought came into my head and I said "JJ did that fall in the toilet before or after you peed?" Keep in mind that I'm constantly telling the child to flush the toilet. Her reply? "After."

I wanted to bleach the child's mouth. Fortunately, I remembered that would likely kill her.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Say What??? and Arse Darts

I don't like to shop at the Sobeys at the Brookside Mall. Here comes my snobbish admission but the place just seems, well, nasty and redneck to me. This piece of info is pertinent to the story so keep reading before sending hate mail. I know it's snobby. Moving right along...

I stopped in at Sobeys yesterday afternoon to grab some graham crackers for the s'mores I've been craving. I went to Sobeys because I was already in the vicinity and I only needed one item so how bad could it be? It was bad.

I got my graham crackers and headed for the express check out (15 items or less). There was a lovely elderly lady right behind me and we made small talk for a second. Right behind her was a couple that I will call the Redneck couple. The were loudly bitching about the people in line who had more than 15 items. All of a sudden, Native woman walked up to Redneck couple and said in a very pleasant voice "Excuse me...". Redneck woman turned to look at native woman. Native woman's tone completely changed and she said "Did you call my daughter fat?" Rest assured the kid was indeed very obese. Redneck woman said "Oh, no! I said she was cute." Uh huh, because those words sound so much alike. Native woman said "Well, my kid said you called her fat." At this point I turned around because they saw me staring at them. I'm talking eyes wide open, mouth agape staring. In my head I'm wondering if my eyes are really truly seeing this and how did I get so damn lucky on a rainy Saturday?!?! Finally Native woman said okay and walked away.

I turned to look at Redneck couple and the husband looked and me and said "Can you 'magine??" That was it for me. I lost it. I had no control and I just about pissed myself laughing. Eventually I said to him "I thought I was going to see a smackdown right here." He replied with a dirty look toward Native woman "You might just yet." Thank goodness it was my turn to pay. I paid and high-tailed it out of that insane asylum. And that, Internet, is why I do not shop at Sobeys on Brookside.

Arse Darts - You place a small item, a toonie is a good one, between your butt cheeks. You must then walk a short distance and deposit the toonie in some sort of container such as a bowl. As the game goes on, the container gets smaller. That's the gist of it. However at 2 am in a parking lot, just pick a target on the ground and go for it. Admittedly, not a classy game but it was 2 am.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Observations of the Random Variety

My sister is snarky.

S'Mores

OMG...I want s'mores so badly that it might just kill me. I've been craving them since yesterday. Normally my cravings don't last this long. I know, I know...just go get the stuff to make them. But somehow toasting a marshmallow over my stove burner by myself doesn't seem like such a good time. Damn S'mores!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Is It or Isn't It?

I was at the mall at lunch time and I found myself having that age old debate - Is it or Isn't it? Is it a shirt or a damn dress? Which one is it?!?!?! Because I'd be so embarrassed to find out I was wearing a shirt that was really a dress. Imagine the horror. I must ask the question - Can anyone really tell if its a dress or a shirt?

These days shirt length has come down quite a bit and I thank the fashion gods for that. However, skirt/dress has come way up. As of Saturday night, I know the dangers of having a dress that is too short. After watching me try to get in a half ton truck at 2 am...there are a few other people who are aware as well. Oops.

I finally gave up at the mall. I bought a pair of shorts and I'm not sure what I'll wear on top. Maybe I'll just say to hell with it all and put on my best tube top/mini skirt and call it a day.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

That Poor Girl!

JJ is with her father this week but had supper with me last night. She talked my ear off the whole time and it was great. She told me that she wants to be just like me when she grows up (must the the arse darts with hot firemen that swayed her). She continued on to say that we can be twins because we both have the exact same curly hair but in different colours. I told her she was growing up so fast and she looked at me and said "I know Mom, I'm almost 5."

After supper, JJ and I went to Dairy Queen. JJ has been asking for a Brownie Explosion Waffle Bowl for weeks. It's huge and she ate the whole thing. I have pics to prove it but I don't know how to get them off my phone. You'll just have to use your imagination.

JJ was eating along and all of a sudden got a look on her face that was purely sympathetic. Then she said "Oh no Mommy! That girl has holes in her capris! That poor, poor girl!" I looked over and one of the girls behind the counter was wearing capri pants with the so very fashionable holes and rips. I held in my laughter as I agree with my sweet and very concerned daughter.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Oh What a Night!

So what were you all doing at 1 am this morning? It just so happens that Shelley and I were playing arse darts in a parking lot with some hot firemen. Yup, we were. So take that JennyMac and Stacey! I actually declined to participate but thoroughly enjoyed being a spectator. Shelley was right in there judging who dropped their toonies closest to the line.

Ahh...yesterday my sweet cousin Stephanie married her sweet fiance Trent. They are both wonderful people and I'm so excited for them. I've been looking forward to this wedding for a long time and for alot of different reasons. I couldn't wait for Stephanie to have her special day. She and Trent very much deserve their day.

I was very excited for a good family get together. I've mentioned in the past that my family always has fun and last night did not disappoint.

Jan - the hair is gorgeous. Really, I love it. I loved lounging on the couch drinking Slings and mixing them in the back of our father's cars. Somethings never change. The tiaras were an awesome idea. I'm sorry you missed the arse darts. But rest assured that at least once I yelled out "Janet would sooo love this!!!!"

Dad - thanks for always paking the mobile bar. Nuff said.

Tracy - what can I say. I can't begin to tell you how much fun I had last night. You are one friendly lady and I could dance with you all night. Some day, I would like to know what you were saying to the hot firemen while pointing at me. I should also apologize for pretending to be you in the bathroom. But at least I didn't throw away your shirt. You were looking hot last night. But apparently you need some pants in a smaller size.

Jen - Shawnee and I are sorry about your phone. However, I feel this is a good lesson. Never leave your phone unattended around drunk people. It could have been worse. Also, I'm sorry you were cold. Thanks for lending me your pashmina.

Shawnee - Dear, dear Shawnee...you my girl have the patience of a saint. You have so many good qualities that I don't know where to start. You are up for anything and I had a great time on the dance floor with you. Thank goodness you knew how to work that phone (being sober probably helped) or we never could have taken those pictures. Thanks for driving Tracy home. I'm glad you both were able to stay and party with us.

Shelley - Ah, Shelley. I'm so glad you decided to come to the dance. You looked AWESOME! That new drink you introduced me too was the bomb. Though when I first woke up at 5:30 this morning I wasn't sure I'd be thanking you. Luckily it all worked out well in the end. I have things to say to you. 1) I'm proud of you for asking. 2) 47?!?!?!?!?!?!

I had so much fun last night. My first tailgate party (sorry Steph) and game of arse darts (with hot firemen!) in one night. What more could a Princess ask for?

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Can't Be Looking Good...

I usually bring coffee with me every morning but today that didn't work out. JJ is so tired from staying up way later than usual because of the dance show. This morning was a struggle to get out of the house on time and coffee was the item I scarificed for time. As a result, I went to the deli across the street to get some coffee once I got to work.

I walked in and chit chatted with a co-worker and then placed my order for a large coffee and white toast. I haven't had toast forever and I had a craving. The deli owner got my order together and when I pay he looked at me and said "Are you hung over this morning?"

Good god. I soooo should have spent more time on my hair this morning.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I'm Sure It's a Money Making Scheme

That Littlest Princess of mine, she's a tricky little thing. She had been obsessed with money lately. For the record, toonies are her favourite money. In her words, "I love the silver ones with the golden in the middle. I love them so much I will never trade them in, Momma. Never." Okay, as long as we're clear on that.

Make sure you keep your money close to you when my kid is around. She'll swipe before you can even blink and do it with a smile on her face. She is also very persuasive when it comes to asking for your money. It's very difficult to say no to those cute dimples, shining green eyes, and golden curls. But my cute little girl is not exactly trusting. She has a bank account but refuses to put her money in the bank. Nope, she needs to keep it where she can look at it, feel it, and wash it. She's into money laundering...very literally.

Tonight she was eating a pear while I was doing her hair for the dance show and she said "Ouch!" I thought I pulled her hair but she said her teeth hurt. I immediately wondered if she smashed her face into something again but she said she didn't. I started feeling around and sure enough she has 2 loose teeth on the bottom in the very front. She isn't even 5 years old yet. But just today I noticed one of the little girls in her daycare class has lost 2 teeth already.

Of course, JJ was super excited about the loose teeth. She is so excited for the tooth fairy to leave her money that she is beside herself. She's in bed but I'm sure she'll be working those teeth ALL night long. She wanted an apple so she could loosen them some more. I told her just to relax and let them come out on their own.

My child is special. Other than the obvious reasons, she is special because she has an extra tooth. In between her two pointy teeth (I know, I know...very technical) on the bottom she has 5 teeth instead of the normal four. Leave it to my child to have an extra tooth to get more money out of the tooth fairy. It's all a money making scheme I tell you.

Friday, May 09, 2008

True Friendship

Today may be the day that your true friendship with me is put the the test. Today may be the day that I will find out who really cares about me and how much you are willing to sacrifice for me.

You see, I've been wanting to punch a few people for about a week now. Not only that, I want to really kick them hard once they fall. Each day this urge gets increasingly worse. Today maybe the day.

Where do you come in? Rest assured that if you are reading this, you are not a candidate for the beating. No, if you area reading this I will need you to post bail for me. You will leave work (because believe me it'll happen during work hours) and pool whatever money you have to get me out of jail. You must not be shy to take money from the family food budget, take the bus because you'll need to throw your gas money into the pot, and let your child roam without a diaper because we're going to need that money too. This is advanced warning that you should cancel your spa and hair appt...we're going to need those funds. Don't be afraid to join forces. I'm not suggesting this needs to be a one person show. No, no...call all your friends.

Did I mention I might need a good lawyer too? Start fundraising now. I know you're resourceful. GO!!!!

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Beautiful on the Inside and Out

***Fair warning - this post is most definitely an "over share"***

Today I had the super experience of having a colsposcopy (not sure I spelled that right) at the hospital. For those you who have not had the misfortune of this procedure, let me tell you what it is. Basically, the doctor takes a look at your cervix because you've had tests come back showing abnormal cells. Then they treat you or not depending on what they find.

The doctor doing my procedure was a Chatty Cathy. I wasn't too concerned when I walked in because lots of poeple I know have had this done. Plus, I'm very good at practiced indifference. So I get myself up on the table and she starts her business. She gets all set up, takes a look, and says "You have a beautiful cervix." What do you say back to that?!?! I said "Thanks." It has now been confirmed that I am beautiful on the inside. How many of you can say that???

I had to have a biopsy which didn't feel good. She had to do it twice so I didn't feel good twice. Now it hurts to sit down. But what matters is that I'm beautiful on the inside.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Random Observations

Again this is a topic I've covered recently but some things are just worth sharing and they don't always mesh into one neat package.

Today as I was coming out of the washroom, guy pulled a Dairy Queen bag off a shelf in front of the washroom, looked it in and said "Fucker!" I noticed the bag the other day and when I witness this, I cracked up. I couldn't even stop myself. I have no idea what his reaction was for. I prefer to assume that "Fucker!" could be interpreted as "Dammit! That's where I left my lunch Tuesday afternoon!"

On another trip the washroom, I was totally amused by the person in the next stall singing the whole time they were in there. When I say amused, I do not mean that I was in awe of their ability. It was more me giggling wondering "Why?".

Yesterday I was out on home visits in a rural area and saw two things that caught my eye.

The first was a house where the occupants had painted their last name over the door in large black letters......and had X-mas light around it. I'm all for seeing your name in lights but this takes it to a whole new level.

The second thing is the sheer volume of old large freezers at the end of driveways with "GARBAGE BIN" spray painted on the side. Thanks for the heads up folks because I almost mistook that rusted piece of crap for some classy outdoor decor. Phewf, close call.

This is an addition after returning of the washroom this afternoon - Navel bearing shirts are not appropriate for the office ANY day of the week.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Mud Slinging

My daughter may not look like me. But I am reminded on a very regular basis that is a perfect little Mini-Me when it comes to personality.

We had a conversation on the way to work this morning that went like this:
Me: JJ if you go outside to play this morning, I want you to wear both parts of your jacket please. It's on your hook at daycare.
JJ: No, its on the floor under my feet.
Me: Let's make sure to take it inside with us.
JJ: (very dramatically) Oh, Mommmy! My beautiful (emphasis here) blue jacket!!
Me: What's wrong?
JJ: Hannah (fake name) threw mud on my beautiful (emphasis again) blue jacket.
Me: That wasn't very nice. What happened in the end?
JJ: I let her know how it would feel if I threw mud at her.
Me: Uh huh, how did you do that?
JJ: I threw sand at her.
Me: I would hope that you are both done throwing things at each other now.
JJ: (with attitude. in fact picture a hair flip and finger point with this one) I would too.

I can justify just about anything. Anyone who has been shopping with me can vouch for this skill of mine. I'm not at all surprise that my daughter so easily justified throwing sand. Justification, valid or not, is a skill she comes by naturally.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Flood Update

Said in my best whiny voice - The water stinks and it makes me cold to stand beside. It's going to rain soon and I don't have cute rubber boots.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Flood Watch 2008

Today was another warm sunny day and JennyMac and I decided we needed a walk and a snack around 2:30. We got each got a brownie iced cap from Tims - not sure about drinks I have to chew but I'm open to new things - and a donut. We took a detour getting back to work and she suggested we go check out the flooding river behind our building. Of course I was all over that! So out back we go only to discover a snow bank blocking our view. Well sorta, the water was beginning to come around the snow bank but we couldn't see the boat hut. What else could we do but climb the snow bank? Me in 3 inch high heels. I don't care what anyone says, high heel boots are appropriate for construction site tours, shovelling snow, and climbing snow banks to watch fast moving flood waters. This list WILL grow and I will keep you informed of additions.

Anyway, we are on our now mountain cracking jokes and all of a sudden JennyMac laughs and tells me it caused a snot bubble to come out her nose. It was very funny but would have been funnier had she turned to me so I could see it. After that we made intelligent, not at all ridiculous chit chat about the water and it's encroachment on the parking lot. We got laughing quite hard and then came the inevitable.....

I fell off the snow mountain. Thank goodness I missed the nasty stagnant water pooled at the base. Really it was bound to happened and needless to say my expedition partner had very little sympathy for me. In hind sight, perhaps I shouldn't have laughed so hard at her snot bubble.

Ahhh break time in the spring time. The entertainment possibilities are endless. I think tomorrow I will take my camera. Who knows what fun we could catch on camera if the flood waters peak as fore casted.

I know you're all waiting with unbridled anticipation. I can only guess that there might be some wet feet involved. It's all part of Flood Watch 2008 (mountain climbing expedition included for a limited time).

Monday, April 21, 2008

Happy Part ???

I've written alot of these lately but I wanted to write because everyone else is doing it. I'm a day late and probably a dollar short but whatever.

Things that make me happy because I don't have the brain power to identify my strengths or weaknesses today:

- red socks as always
- my black Betty Rubble necklace. It completes any outfit but it can also be an outfit all on its own.
- afternoon coffee runs
- my bed
- JJ's bubbly happiness and endless affection
- forgiveness

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Damn McDonalds!

Every Tuesday I stop and get JJ fast food for supper because we have to be out of the house before 6pm for dance class. I let her choose where she wants to go. Because of the super awesome princess toys at McDonald's right now, that is where we have gone the past few times.

McDonald's on Main St is painfully slow and is my last choice for Tuesday evenings. This week, I could see the girl with my bags in her hand and she was standing there having a conversation with someone. My blood pressure began to rise and my blood quickly started to boil. Finally I popped and said "Shit, give me my food already!" The window was closed so she didn't hear.

However the adorable 4.5 year old in the backseat heard me very clearly and said "Momma, what does she mean?"
I said "I don't know but it's not nice so let's never say it."
JJ said "Okay, Mom."

We carry on our drive home with smiles and no further profanity. As we drove into the driveway she said to me "Momma, I think I know what shit means."
I said "Yeah? Well, let's not say it. It's not a nice word"
JJ said "I know Momma. That's why I'll say ship instead."

Greeeaaat. Somehow I'm thinking when she stubs her toe and daycare and says "Oh, SHIP!" it won't go over much better.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Random Tidbits

* I much prefered the dill pickle to the carrots with my bagel at lunch.

* My kid is so cute that she puts the rest to shame. Oh, and kind too.

* My father is the driving force behind my ever growing muffin top.

* I will need new pants soon if I don't move out of my parent's house.

* I move out of their house next Wed. They have been super over the last 2 months with us staying there.

* Women's washrooms are gross.

* I want more coffee but I will not walk anywhere to get it.

* I learned to knit (again) on Saturday.

* Myself and a few friends WILL go to an NKOTB concert if they come as close as Toronto. But we might fly to Vegas for it too. We'll see.

* What happens on the road, stays on the road.

* I want to wear my new flip flops.

* I'm lazy.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Decisions, Decisions

I'm getting together with some friends tonight. I just cannot decide if I should wear the Hannah Montana ring I found at the bottom of my purse or not. I mean is does have a built it lip gloss.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Seeing

I can be naive at times and far too trusting. I have a hard time believe that someone would purposely want to hurt me or take advantage of me. That's because I would never do it to anyone else. Yes, I may deliver a jab or a barb here and there out of hurt. But I would never maliciously set out to hurt someone. I wrote about my daughter's daycare troubles awhile back. She is my daughter through and through.
I can think of a couple of sitation in my life right now that concern me. I've spent alot of time thinking about them the last few days. I keep wondering over and over if I'm just completely blind to what is really going on. Can I really trust what is going on? Or am I going to come out on the losing end?

Sometimes I have a hard time seeing what is right in front of my face. But I would rather take the risk than miss out on something good. I have a feeling I might want to invest in a helmet and some knee pads. I think I'll need them for the rest of my life.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Easter Miracle

My daughter experienced an easter miracle about 30 minutes ago. The miracle was the fact that I did not kill her in the middle of the front yard. There may be another miracle in early April if my father doesn't kill me when he arrives home from Florida.
JJ and I were out in the front yard playing in the snow. A friend of mine who shall remain nameless but lives 2 door down, gave me the idea to fill spray bottles with water and food coloring to spray the snow. We were having a grand time and I specifically told the child not to spray anything but the snow. Holy hell she sprayed the house.

SHE SPRAYED THE WHITE HOUSE.

Who knew that vinyl siding sucks up food coloring and water like a sponge? I do now. I spent the last 30 minutes scrubbing the side of the house with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser and then bleach pen. Neither one worked perfectly. My father is going to have kittens.

You may want to pop by to say your goodbyes in the next two weeks. After that point I will likely be heavily embedded in the witness protection program.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Royally Cute

I may be a bit biased but I think THIS is by far the best front page story I have ever seen in The Daily Gleaner. I may be biased but that is my right as a parent. She's destined for stardom. Again, I maybe biased but I alright with that.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Multi-functional

Remember awhile back I posted this? It turns out my skirt and boots are multi-functional! Tuesday morning I discovered they double as a "taking out the garbage skirt and boots". I navigated my way down the icy driveway in a skirt and 3 inch heels. All the while pulling the Trius garbage dolly behind me. I'm sure the old man next door took one look at that, turned to his sister who lives with him and said "That's hot." Then went and poured himself a second cup of coffee and watched Canada AM.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Alive and Well...imainge that!

Here we are exactly one week later and I'm recovering. This morning I noticed that the sores in my throat are gone. My throat is still a bit tender but nothing serious - woo hoo!!! I have some eating to do to make up for lost time. My muffin top has been suffering from this.

I saw my doctor on Friday morning. They didn't call me back Thursday because they were still trying to get the results from my swap from the microbiology lab. I guess there were some issues with it. I heard my doctor get on the phone and ask, in a not so friendly way, what the hold up was with my swab. He and his staff were not impressed about the wait. When he came in the room, he looked my my throat and said "Well, that's nice and pussy." I was full of pus and infection in my throat, ears, and glands (or something like that). I was in so much pain that I didn't really care. He gave me some penicillin for the infection and some Tylenol 3 for the pain. I really like my doctor. He doesn't mess around and he likes to prescribe stuff :) I don't normally like to take meds but, holy hell, something had to give.

I'm still tired today but I'm not in pain. I'm going to take it easy today and tomorrow I'm back full force. I'm looking forward to going back to work. I'm looking forward to seeing my girls...my god it's been weeks. I'm looking forward to Easter with JJ next weekend. Today I'm going to make some cute little baskets to fill with candy for her.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

My Own Private Hell

I'm still sick and I'm not getting any better. In fact, the sores have now taken over my entire throat and my tongue. I'll survive but I'm miserable. I'm so hungry but the pain overrides the need to eat. Today I've had a popsicle, coffee, 2 yogurts (I was surprised at the pain that caused) and water. So, so, so much water. If you hear in the news that water tables in the city are low, it's probably my fault.

In addition to my pain,I'm completely totally bored of my skull. I have no desire for visitors because it's hurts to talk. I've scrapbook, I've read, I've been online. Not only am I bored, I'm a sucker for punishment. I find myself watching cooking shows and reading cookbooks. What is up with that?!?!?! I'm torturing myself but I can't help it. It's no secret that I have a huge appetite. I'm always the first in line for food and I always go back for more. There have been a few stories float around about my eating habits, how much I eat, and often I eat. You make yourself an extra sandwich at lunch and pack it away for later at one crop and all of a sudden you have a reputation. Geesh.

The other night I was up late watching TV because my throat hurt too much to sleep. I was watching Tori and Dean - Inn Love (I know...bad TV). Anyway, they are starting a new business - french fries with all kinds of different dipping sauces. I've been craving that for 2 days now because of that show. I want fries and different dipping sauces.

I've been craving all sorts of odd things, simply because I can't eat anything. I've never had a chili dog in my life but I was craving one today. Basically anything I see on TV....I want. I'm going to go watch Survivor. At least those people aren't eating much more than I am.

Oh, and from what I'm told, hunger and pain make me pissy and distant ;)

Monday, March 10, 2008

That's Nasty!

I went to the doctor this morning and it looks like I was right about my throat. The sores look like canker sores but they did a swab just in case.

I stayed home from work today and as soon as JJ walked through the door she went into nurse mode. She is so cute and caring. She took off her coat and took my by the hand into the living room. She climbed on up on my knee and said "Let me feel your forehead, Mama. Yup, you still have a fever. Do you still hurt all over?" I told her that yes I hurt all over but my throat really hurts. True to form, she asked to see and I let her. She took one look inside my mouth at my throat and said "That's nasty!" So there you have it. If a 4 year old thinks it looks bad than it must be.

Thanks for all the get well wishes. FYI - Shelley is pretty ill too. She's sick a dog and headed to bed but called to see if I need anything. Can you send some get well wishes her way too?

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Misery

Misery describes what I feel right now. I'm so sick. My throat started to hurt a bit last night before I went to bed. But I wasn't concerned because I've been spending alot of time downstairs and it gets dry down here with the pellet stove. The dryness often makes my throat tickle.

My throat still hurt this morning when I got up and it was a familiar pain. I went straight to the mirror to take a look and my fears were confirmed. A year ago this past September, I was really sick with a nasty sore throat. I went to the ER in Oromocto and got some meds for strep throat. Three days later the meds still had done nothing to help. So I went to the after hours clinic to get checked out. It turns out it wasn't strep at all. I have a virus (I think it's a virus) that lives in my body. It stays dormant for awhile and then comes to life whenever it feels like it.

This awesome (note the sarcasm) little friend of mine gives me sores, similar to canker sores, all up and down my throat. It's similar to cold sores - it's not contagious just some people get them and others don't. If you get cold sores, it's a virus (again I'm not sure if that's the proper term) that lies dormant in your system and comes out once in a while. My little friend tends to appear when I'm run down and stressed.

The pain from this is unreal. I've had strep throat and tonsillitis at the same time and I'd take that combo over this virus any day. If you get canker sores, and I do, you know how painful one can be. Now imagine your entire throat covered in them. Get the disgusting and very painful idea?

I'm in pain, I'm hungry but I can't/don't want to eat, I'm freezing cold, my entire body hurts, and I'm tired but can't sleep because it hurts. The last time I had this I was home from work for a full week. All I want is a hug. Damn.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Living It Up

Yesterday after work, I was outside for 25 minutes wearing only a sweater. Mind you I was chiseling away the ice that was in front of the shed door. Let me back up and tell you about that little adventure. I'm staying at my parent's house right now...they're in Florida until early April. The main source of heat in the house is the pellet stove. I love the stove but it is a fair amount of work. I needed to get pellets from the shed last night so away I went.

First I had to to walk down the path the through the backyard to the shed. The path was sheer ice but I made it to the bottom in one piece. However, once I got there I realized that water also travels downhill where it pools and then freezes at the base of the door. Therefore, making it impossible to get the door open. That is where the 25 minutes of hammering at the ice with a shovel came in. I finally got the door open enough to squeeze me and my ever growing muffin top through.

Once inside, I had to get behind a glass table and pull out the bags of pellets that weighs at least 50 lbs. I squeezed them through the opening at the doorway. Then I had to try to drag my sorry, out of shape ass, AND the pellets up the death trap of a path to the house. Once I got them in the house, I had to throw the bag down in the basement. I did this 3 times before I ran out of steam. I waited about 3 hours before I stacked the pellets by the stove.

Lucky me I get to repeat this in only 3 days!!!!

Tomorrow I will turn off the stove to clean it and then restart it. I really know how to live it up. I like the heat from the stove so I can't complain. It's a labour of love.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Mama Bear

I don't normally talk about this stuff on here but I'm really upset today.

My daughter is 4 and a half years old and a very gentle, affectionate, loving, and sensitive soul. She feels emotions very intensely. She is quick to show love, friendship, and to care for others. The flip side is that her feelings are easily hurt. She is not one to hurt the feelings of others and doesn't quite understand how/why others would do that to her. She is not one to retaliate at all...this point will be important later in the story. She doesn't really cry easily but when she's hurt you can see her head and her eyes fall to the ground. You can't miss it.

She has a history with a couple of girls at daycare. It is recognized by the staff as being an issue and they keep an eye on it. I understand that my child can be part of the problem. She is not an angel. But the daycare staff has told me that there is a "distinct meanness" involved with one of the other girls.

Today I witnessed behaviour that I couldn't even imagine could come from a 4 year old. In the interest of privacy, and a long winded story, I'm not going to repeat the whole thing. It started with my daughter showing interest in what the other child was saying and making a comment to show her interested. The other child responded with a tone nothing short of bitchy and it just went down hill. When my daughter spoke to her again, the child actually started screaming and flailing around. I thought she was going to throw herself to the ground. All because my daughter spoke to her.

Do you know how my daughter responded to that shitty rejection? She was concerned because she upset the other child and wanted to give her a butterfly kiss to make her feel better. My child was treated like a piece of shit and still wanted to tell her she loves her and give her a butterfly kiss. Of course that comment, just got her more screaming.

My daughter was crushed and started to cry. She was crying real tears with her chin trembling. I know, you want to know what the other parent did. She told the child to say no thank you nicely. My child is a puddle of crushed feelings and rejection in my arms and that is the response? I'm so upset that my heart is racing and I'm fighting back tears as I type this.

My daughter has been through so much pain and heart ache over the past few weeks. This incident just crushed me. I stood there and stared at the other parent in anger. I just stood there and said nothing. Because, unfortunately, that's what I do. I do nothing. Well, that just ended today. On the way home, I told my daughter this "JJ, I'm very sorry about what just happened with Suzie. I know your feelings are very hurt. I promise I will never again just stand there and watch that happen. Ever."

What is the right thing to say? Did she understand? I have no idea on either count. But mark my works, I will NEVER keep my mouth shut again. What's the worst thing that happens? I lose a friend? A daycare parent thinks ill of me? Bring it, because she's worth it.

The incident took place outside at the end of the driveway. If the daycare owner had witnessed this she would have intervened. I know that I haven't captured the incident well with my description but let me tell you it was nasty. Nasty isn't even close to a good description. The behaviour was deplorable and cruel. When I drop my daughter off at daycare tomorrow, I will be addressing the incident. It didn't happen on their watch but I never want to find out that type of thing happened again and that child was told to say no thank you. That child is a bully and has been for the last 2 years.

I'm angry and hurting for my daughter and my Mama Bear Claws are out. The daycare knows me as being calm and even tempered. That will work in my favour. When I speak and show concern they will take me seriously because I don't normally make waves. I was hoping writing about this would make me feel better but it hasn't.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Wanted

Wanted - one set of full body armour. Needed by 5:50 pm today! I can allow more time as long as you have it to the Aitken Centre by the time the puck drops tonight.

That's right. I said by the time the puck drops tonight. The Princess is headed to another hockey game. It's the battle of the hill in the playoffs. Shelley called this morning and asked if I wanted to go to the UNB/STU hockey game. JJ is with her dad this week so I thought it sounded like fun. However, first I asked her "Are you sure you want ME to go?" She said she wasn't sure but I'm invited anyway. I'm really looking forward to it. The last game I attended was exciting with the overtime and shoot out.

Now, back to the important task at hand. FULL BODY ARMOUR. Someone please! Knuckles Whalen beat the crap out of me last time. If nobody can help me, I may be forced to steal hockey pants from one of the players. For my protection, of course.

Okay, I have to go fix my hair and get "hockey ready". Watch out hockey fans, the Princess is on her way. Score!!!!

Saturday, March 01, 2008

The Proof is in the Pudding

And all the proof points to the fact that I am a complete geek. I was sitting here scrapbooking this morning and heard something about human rights on the radio. Of course, that made me start thinking. You know what? I am such a geek that I actually have 2 favourite sections in the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. I kid you not. In fact, they've been my favourites for a long time. I know some of you already know this.

Both of my favourites fall under the term Legal Rights.

The first is section 8 - Everyone has the right to be secure against unreasonable search or seizure. I like this one because I like the challenge of trying to find loop holes and such. I remember an example of this that a professor gave in university and it goes like this. There is a house for sale and the police suspect they sellers have stolen art inside. The police could not pose as potential buyers to go check out the place. There is much more to it than that but that's a quick example.

My other favourite is section 11 (d) - Any person charged with an offence has the right to be presumed innocent until proven guilty according to law in a fair and public hearing by an independent and impartial tribunal. This one makes me so appreciative that I live in Canada. I'm positive that many Canadian take this right for granted. I cannot imagine living in a country where you could be put to death or punished in any way just because someone thought you did something. There are many places/countries that if the powers that be decide you did something...you did it. Whether there is proof or not. I can't even imagine what that is like.

Anyway, there you have it. Two quick paragraphs that completely prove my geekiness. I can't help it. I've always loved Charter issues and Human Rights issues because of the challenge in the interpretation. Everybody has their thing and that is mine.

I'm going leave my "pet sections" for the day and do some scrapbooking. Then Shelley and I are going to take a stab at making Jay's delicious Thai mussels. If we can figure out the damn lemongrass. :)