Mama Bear

I don't normally talk about this stuff on here but I'm really upset today.

My daughter is 4 and a half years old and a very gentle, affectionate, loving, and sensitive soul. She feels emotions very intensely. She is quick to show love, friendship, and to care for others. The flip side is that her feelings are easily hurt. She is not one to hurt the feelings of others and doesn't quite understand how/why others would do that to her. She is not one to retaliate at all...this point will be important later in the story. She doesn't really cry easily but when she's hurt you can see her head and her eyes fall to the ground. You can't miss it.

She has a history with a couple of girls at daycare. It is recognized by the staff as being an issue and they keep an eye on it. I understand that my child can be part of the problem. She is not an angel. But the daycare staff has told me that there is a "distinct meanness" involved with one of the other girls.

Today I witnessed behaviour that I couldn't even imagine could come from a 4 year old. In the interest of privacy, and a long winded story, I'm not going to repeat the whole thing. It started with my daughter showing interest in what the other child was saying and making a comment to show her interested. The other child responded with a tone nothing short of bitchy and it just went down hill. When my daughter spoke to her again, the child actually started screaming and flailing around. I thought she was going to throw herself to the ground. All because my daughter spoke to her.

Do you know how my daughter responded to that shitty rejection? She was concerned because she upset the other child and wanted to give her a butterfly kiss to make her feel better. My child was treated like a piece of shit and still wanted to tell her she loves her and give her a butterfly kiss. Of course that comment, just got her more screaming.

My daughter was crushed and started to cry. She was crying real tears with her chin trembling. I know, you want to know what the other parent did. She told the child to say no thank you nicely. My child is a puddle of crushed feelings and rejection in my arms and that is the response? I'm so upset that my heart is racing and I'm fighting back tears as I type this.

My daughter has been through so much pain and heart ache over the past few weeks. This incident just crushed me. I stood there and stared at the other parent in anger. I just stood there and said nothing. Because, unfortunately, that's what I do. I do nothing. Well, that just ended today. On the way home, I told my daughter this "JJ, I'm very sorry about what just happened with Suzie. I know your feelings are very hurt. I promise I will never again just stand there and watch that happen. Ever."

What is the right thing to say? Did she understand? I have no idea on either count. But mark my works, I will NEVER keep my mouth shut again. What's the worst thing that happens? I lose a friend? A daycare parent thinks ill of me? Bring it, because she's worth it.

The incident took place outside at the end of the driveway. If the daycare owner had witnessed this she would have intervened. I know that I haven't captured the incident well with my description but let me tell you it was nasty. Nasty isn't even close to a good description. The behaviour was deplorable and cruel. When I drop my daughter off at daycare tomorrow, I will be addressing the incident. It didn't happen on their watch but I never want to find out that type of thing happened again and that child was told to say no thank you. That child is a bully and has been for the last 2 years.

I'm angry and hurting for my daughter and my Mama Bear Claws are out. The daycare knows me as being calm and even tempered. That will work in my favour. When I speak and show concern they will take me seriously because I don't normally make waves. I was hoping writing about this would make me feel better but it hasn't.