Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Wow, You're a Pig

I was sitting here just after lunch and I heard a great big, loud, disgusting burp from an office somewhere around me. Seriously? I'm sure the conference room full of people down the hall enjoyed that too. Save it for home loser . Your wife sure knows how to pick them.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Envious, right?

I am the epitome of klassy and sophistimacated. Here I sit in bed watching Inglorious Basterds, drinking wine with Sprite mixed in and eating Zesty Cheese Doritos. Don't you just wish you were me?

Monday, January 04, 2010

I'll Intervention You!

This conversation took place last night with my special friend while watching The Family Guy. They had just made a comment about Robin Williams no longer being funny and the screen flashed to an animated Robin Williams with lines on his arms.

SF: Oh yeah, look at the cuts on his arms.
Me: Yeah, because Robin Williams is known for being a cutter. Watch much Intervention?
SF: Ooooh.
Me: Maybe you should watch less Intervention.

Laughter to the point of crying ensued. Seriously, who guesses he's a cutter before thinking he's a hairy, hairy man?!?! However, the sympathy was touching. ;)

Sunday, January 03, 2010

A Few Randoms because OMG I Need to Sleep

* I very much dislike roast beef. You know how people rave that it is so tender that is falls to pieces? That makes me want to vomit. I made my own roast beef the other day, it turns out I don't hate it. I just need to cook my own. Red wine and steak spice help. Oh it turns out I like gravy too.

* My cat is retarded and is balancing on the top of my head while I type. What is worse, is that I won't bother to move him.

* I made homemade bread for the first time this past week. It was so good, I made it again 2 days later. Oddly, I don't eat bread....until now.

* I woke up at 1 am this morning and realized my cat was under my arm. I moved and he didn't. So, I sat straight up in bed and loudly said "OMG, I killed the cat. I think the cat is dead!". Then I couldn't remember his name. I knew we had changed it but couldn't remember what we changed it to. His name is Cooper. I kept calling him Carter in the night and couldn't get back to sleep.

* Disney isn't very smart when making children's movies. The new one out, "The Princess and the Frog", features a "bad guy" who makes shadows do his dirty work. Millions of kids are now afraid of their own shadow. That's some good work, boys.

* 2:00 am today - my daughter wakes up terrified of the thing on the wall that is making shadows chase her and of the skeleton in the top hat. Dude, what were you thinking when you made that movie?!?!

* 4:20 am and the Littlest Princess finally fell back to sleep after 3 complete rounds of the High School Musical CD. All I want to do, is be with you, be with youuuuuu. There's nothing we can't do.....

* 4:45 am - my neighbour decided to snow blow his driveway beside my head with his mofo tractor that is so loud it vibrates my entire bed. Unfortunately, the snow kept getting stuck so he had to bang the blower part on the drive way repeatedly. I was soooo angry that I paced the house and trying to a) not cry b)go outside, pull him off his tractor, and kick him in balls over and over and over again. I went back to bed and listened until.......

* 7:20 am my daughter comes in and says "Those people are so loud they woke me up!". No shit.

* I had 1.5 hours sleep last night and I'm crochety.

* Poutine made with roasted garlice havarti is very, very good.

Friday, January 01, 2010

Circle K

The following conversation took place at the Irving a few minutes ago.

Me: Hi! Can I get a Lotto Max for tonight and a 649 for tomorrow night too? (I was buying ice and sprite for my wine...klassy).
Cashier: You got ID?
Me: Hmmm...actually I don't.
Cashier: Can't sell them to you. (looking like she sucked a big ass lemon).
Me: No worries. *smile and small giggle* This is actually the 2nd time this has happened in the last few weeks and I'm actually 32. (I'll be 33 a month from tomorrow but I didn't tell her that).
Cashier: Sure. (with a snotty look).
Me as my smile disappears: Actually, you hold on I'll get that ID from the car.
I walked back in and put it on the counter. Nothing from her.
You know, I realize she has a job to do and I was fine with it. I said no problem, I smiled and made conversation and was going to go on my merry way. She didn't have to be such a bitch. She has not aged well at all and is probably insanely jealous that at 32 years old and have a youthful face and she has a full grown mustache. Sucks to be you.