Monday, August 31, 2009

Cute But Stupid

I went to see Inglorious Basterds last night with a friend. Below is an email that was sent to a few of our other friends about the movie.

Picture this - Sitting at the theatre, watching inglorious basterds. Very tense scene. Nazi security psycho has a woman in a room, suspects she is a spy. Days earlier, he found a shoe, he suspects belongs to the woman and has it in his jacket. Woman is sitting, Nazi is sitting as well facing her. Nazi asks for her foot. Woman… shaking, lifts it and puts it only his knee. Nazi asks her to reach in his pocket and pull out what she finds… the shoe is in there. Princess somehow forgot about the shoe part…. Leans over to me and says in a whisper…. “HE’S GOING TO CUT OFF HER TOES”.

Uh, no… he’s going to see if the shoe fits. Oh yeah.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

If Tommorow Never Comes

I can hear country music coming from another office down the hall. If music makes you feel good then, by all means, turn it on. However, please close your door. As Mr. Garth Brooks says "If tomorrow never comes....." I will scratch out my own ear drums and lock them in the drawer beside me.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

One and the Same

Printer paper and toilet paper seem to be one and the same in my life. Every time I go near either one of them....I have to refill them. It's understandable at home....I live with an almost 6 year old. She doesn't know how to change it. At work, it seems like I fill that printer with paper every time I go near it. Ahhh....maybe they hired me specifically for my paper filling ability. I don't think that was even listed on my resume. I must be THAT good. Everyone has a role in life and I guess that's mine.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I Got a Pocketful, Got a Pocketful of Sunshine

Picture it, Woodstock 2009, and the Dunphy clan moves in. My cousin and her husband hosted a family ho-down at their place this weekend. Thanks guys, you are wonderful hosts. A good time ho-down it was. I can't even count how many people were there. It was a long night but here are a few highlights.

* the man and women segregated at Man Camp and Women's World. One man breaking all convention and setting up in the middle of Women's World. He said talking about diesel trucks is boring and Women's World was more fun. Damn right.
* swimming in the river. The water was low but running fast. It was my favourite part of the day. I loved it.
* wine on the pot luck table. Enough said!
* Karaoke - Janet and I singing "There's a Tree Out in the Backyard"...with no music. Janet and I singing "Just Dance". The kids loving karaoke.
* The Littlest Princess singing "Tomorrow" from the movie Annie in front of everyone...with her back to the audience. :)
* "I need the TV. T...V. Bring me the TV.........and a drink."
* selling porta-potty tickets.
* Dorothy donating her winning to the porta-potty fund.
* Auntie Lisa, I'm sorry I stole your Travelocity Gnome and sent it to Alberta. But he will have the trip of a lifetime!
* Auntie Michele, sorry for standing outside your tent telling you to get up after you went to bed.
* Hi, my name is Joe. And I work in a button factory. The other day boss came up to me. And he said Hi Joe. Are you busy? And I said No. So I turned the button with my right hand. Hi, my name is Joe.... Auntie Lisa thanks for being the first to join me in that and so enthusiastically at that.
* Thanks to Tracy and Janet for the rump shaking in front of the fire. However, some were afraid we were going fall in the fire. Maybe it was when I yelled "Tracy and Janet, hold me up so I don't fall in the fire!" that caused the alarm. I guess we'll never know.
* The fireworks rocks.
* Girl cousins, we really need to re-think arse darts in a completely dark field. Damn it was hard to find my quarter!
* Thanks to everyone for finding my shoes. Again....and again. They are tricky little buggers to keep track of.
* Janet - you'll just get used to them!!!
* it turns out it's rather difficult to share an MP3 player with another person while dancing in front of a bon fire. Thanks for being a good sport, Trace.
* Sunday morning my sister looked at me and said "There was no coming back from where you were last night."
* Sorry to my entire family for drilling "Pocketful of Sunshine" into your heads. I know, I'm still singing it too.
* Sorry for stealing the Family Talent Show trophy. I did return it Sunday morning.

So I guess that prompts the question "Who won the Family Talent Show?" I'm pleased to announce that the winner of the First Annual Family Talent Show is........ME!!!!

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine. I got a love and know that it's all mine. Oh, oh woh, oh oh.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Say What, Moron?

This morning JJ shared that the "leaders" at daycare do not help them put on sunscreen. JJ is almost 6 years old. I explained it would be very hot today and she must get help putting sunscreen on her back...from an adult.

When we arrived at daycare, I asked to speak with the leader and it went like this:

Me - "JJ told me that the leaders don't help the kids with sunscreen, is this true?"
Leader - "Yes, but we tell them to do a really good job."
**At this point my face automatically adopts a "you're a big idiot" look.
Me - "I can't put sunscreen on my back by myself and I"M 32 years old."
Leader - "Well they wear a shirt too."
Me - "A t-shirt allows UV rays through. Even more so when it's wet. Put sunscreen on my daughter."
Leader - "Well......"
Me - "I regularly have moles removed from my body and tested for cancer. PUT SUNSCREEN ON MY DAUGHTER'S BACK!"
Leader - "Sure."

That's what I thought you'd say.

Yeah, JJ is in a day camp for kids from kindergarten to grade 2. They need extra help. Hell, if she is able to take care of herself, why am I paying $140/week on their day camps? I honestly thought she was going to tell me it wasn't her responsibility. It would have not been pretty. The daycare standards sitting on my desk strongly suggest it IS her responsiblity. Take that.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Run, Forest, Run!

To the boy who keeps running down the hallway past my office,

Unless your ass or this building is on fire, stop running down the hallway. This is an office building not a race track. When you run in here it makes me think there is something wrong. You do it so frequently, I'm getting whip lash from my head snapping up so often. Next time, you may trip over my foot.


Princess Slow the Hell Down

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

There's a Storm Brewing

I swear that today, given the perfect conditions, I could manifest into the perfect storm. It's brewing.