Friday, December 29, 2006

Big Day

I have a big day coming up in just over 30 days. Yup, a birthday and it's a big one. I'm not bothered by it. In fact, I'm looking forward to it. Mr Princess and I were supposed to go south for the big day but due to circumstances beyond my control we cannot go. Thank you CCRA. I was very clear that I did not want to be in Canada for my birthday. I really wanted to be somewhere warm and tropical. The only downfall with that was being away from JJ on my big day. At least I'll get to spend the day with her.
I have decided that my big day this year will consist of a brand spanking new Cricut for me. Happy B-day to me. I'm going to wait for a bit but I plan to tell the Mister and my parents that I would prefer to have money for my birthday. I already have a bit saved up and it shouldn't take me too long to get to my goal.
You know, I find it more fun to save for something big. I could go to Nic's today and order a Cricut but this gives me something to look forward to. You all should know me well enough by now to know that I like to have something to be excited about down the road.

Oh! This is completely off topic but did anyone else hear the rumour that the Dixie Chicks are calling it quits? Nic, surely you've read about this. What do you all think? True or false? WhenI read it on the front page of the Enquirer, I'll believe it. :)

Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry Christmas To Me

Oye. Giving is more important that receiving, right? RIGHT?!?!?!

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Two More Sleeps

I'm sitting here by myself just waiting for the time to pass. JJ stayed overnight and my parent's house last night so the Mister and I could attend a party. It was alot of fun. Mr. Princess slept in the spare room because the pint of rum he drank made his night time breathing somewhat loud. I only had one drink because I volunteered to be the DD. We arrived home around midnight. I climbed into bed right way and did wake up until 10:15 this morning. I haven't slept that late in years. I know have massive headache. I assume it's because I was 2 hours late getting my morning caffeine fix.
Mr Princess it out starting his Christmas shopping. He didn't realize he had to do a stocking for me until Thursday night. He asked me before he left what should go in my stocking. I listed off a few things and mentioned I have a wishlist at Nic's. Sorry Nic, but I also told him to ask if he needed other ideas.
The Littlest Princess is currently having a nap. She didn't go to bed last night until 9:30 and had Nana up at 5:30 am. She has been up around 5:15 - 5:30 every morning for the last 2 weeks. Hearing "Momma is it Christmas today?" at that ungodly hour is not my preferred method to wake up. But hearing those words at 7 am would be darn cute.
We're having family over for Christmas Eve meat pie and goodies tonight. We're doing it a day early because people have other plans tomorrow. It should be fun.
I'm going to go lie down for a bit before JJ gets up. I need to shake this headache soon.

Friday, December 22, 2006

I Want A Hippo for Christmas

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas/Only a hippopotamus will do.... In case you've been living under a rock, you can hear the song here -

I've heard this song on the radio pretty much every day for the last few weeks. Mainly on my way to work in the morning. Which also means has my cute little daughter has heard it as well. She also danced to it at dance class and now loves the song.
For the past few weeks she has asked my almost every day for a hippopotamus for Christmas. Each time she asks, I turn the question around and ask her where we would keep it. She always says on the roof and I tell her it would make our house fall down. Then she says in her bed and I say but you tell me I will break your bed and that hippo will be bigger than me! Then she says in the garage and I say he'll be bigger than our car. I always end the conversation by asking her where one would get a hippo and she tells me the ocean. My response is that it is too cold to go to the ocean this time of year.
Well yesterday our routine changed. Yesterday when I started with my normal questions she responds "I only want a toy hippo, Mama." I think "Oh crap!!" I really would have preferred to stay on the normal course of conversation. I explained to her that it is very close to Christmas and the elves are pretty much done making the toys. We've always told her that you don't get everything on your Christmas list so I thought this would end the conversation. Nope. She says "Oh, Momma, you can just go shopping and get one for me." Cripes, I knew taking that child shopping at 5 days old was a mistake. She's a shopping pro at 3 years old.
Being the crazy mother that I am, I went to Toys' R Us at lunch time yesterday. The reality is that I didn't have anything better to do. Anway, I walked in and found a cute plush hippo in under a minute. It is blue with a flower on her head. I'm going to tie a note from Santa around her neck saying he couldn't fit a real hippo in his sleigh. I hope this is the item that makes Christmas for her. I think I'll leave it in middle of the livinig room floor separate from her other gifts.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006


There is a lady I work with, I'll call her Beth, who has really had an impact on me. I've been meaning to write this post for quite sometime but the words always seem to escape me. So why today? I received a Christmas card from Beth today that made me cry. The message was only a few lines long but it touched me. I thought to myself that I've met someone who gets it.
Our work lives are not easy. We deal with the part of society that is down & out and often has nowhere else to turn. I often feel a real sense of helplessness at not being able to do more to help our clients. I love my job but I want, no I need to make more of a difference. I'm confident that my time will come. Where does Beth fit into all of this? She inpires me.
I'm relatively young and I often get eye rolls because of my idealistic thoughts. The message that I derive is that they think I'll get a reality check sooner or later. Beth has many life experiences, years of work experience, a wealth of knowledge and she still has a deep desire to make a difference.
Beth has had a rough go at work in the past little while. Yet when I speak to her or read her writing it always inspires me. No matter how defeated she seems to feel, no matter how many brick walls she comes up against, no matter how futile things may seem she always has hope. She always comes back to work the next day ready to help our clients, ready to look at things from another angle, take a different approach, and do it all with a renewed positivity.
I often battle a suffocating negativity at work. Sometimes I leave at the end of the day dreading the morning to come. Sometimes that next day I arrive already in a bad mood. But I can always go read Beth's writing and feel inspired to keep going and try to make a difference. If she can continue to be positive and contribute her valuable ideas and knowledge than I can continue to do my part.
Beth is incredibly intelligent, she's funny, witty, appropriately sarcastic, a caring soul, a talented writer, an active member in her community, and a proud mother. She makes a difference in the lives of those who need it the most...myself included.
So do you want to know the simple message that made me cry? She told me not to stop caring...exactly what I needed to hear the most.

Merry Christmas

Secret Santa

Our secret santa party was last night and the buggers tried to overthrow me. They said they thought I would be upset if they didn't plan something. In all honesty, I thought you were all just switching names to throw off my guessing. But your gag was well done and fun. Shame on you all for using Jay's mom to distract me.
The girls all had white name tags with their Princess names. For example, Nic was Princess of Minto. Then they all put on tiaras! I dove for my princess santa hat but the Real MarthaSue had hidden it on me. I had a name tag too but it only said my real name AND it was on a clear name tag so I was invisible. It was all in good fun. The girls also gave me a wonderful bag of goodies that are all "must-haves" for a real princess. There was a magic hair brush, a makeup kit complete with fake finger tips and nails, princess lip gloss, and last but certainly not least, bedazzled princess panties. I'm sure if you look around you'll find photos of said panties. But I'm not giving any directions to find them.
There were other specials gifts going around too...Nic will not have to buy pot holders for a long, long, time. Mel, unfortunately, will probably still need to buy Scope soon even with the amount she received last night. Hopefully, she has enough to get her through Christmas Day. The Real MarthaSue received an orginal copy of Susie's Creative Companion - I waited in long a long time and fought off muggers to get my hands on that puppy.
I was the last to open my secret santa gift, because I'm so patient of course. It was totally worth the wait. Tina did an awesome job and it was perfect for me. I'm a bit sleepy so forgive me if I forget a few items - there was eggnog coffee (YUM!!), rub ons, playing card embellishments, vanilla Bath and Body works shower gel, terrifically tacky tape (Love this stuff). There was other stuff to but it escapes me. Anyway, like I said it was absolutely perfect.
Nic and Jay also has gifts for each of us. I won't list it incase others haven't opened it yet. But again thet were perfect for me. It's obvious each gift was specifically tailored for the recipient.
It was a great time as usual. Yesterday I was thinking to myself "Anita must be feeling a bit sad reading all the blogs about the party tonight". Of course Anita always participated in the past but is in Victoria, BC this year. WRONG! She's home for Christmas and surprised us all by being at the party. I'm sad it's over for another year it's all over for another year.
Love you all. Each and everyone of you is completely worthy of a Princess title. Thanks for being such great friends!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

The Plot

There has been alot of talk on these blog lately about our Secret Santa for this year. I know there are definitely going to be some twists and good laughs tonight. Some bloggers have mentioned a bit of paranoia going around. I admit I'm freaking paranoid. You don't plot and pull as many stunts as I do and not expect to get taken down some day.
I've thought for awhile that my "friends" have something on the go. Who knows maybe that is their plan...just to get me going and not do anything at all. Then again, maybe it's a plot to OVERTHROW the Princess.
Now, the word "overthrow" is not a word that normally just gets tossed into a conversation. So imagine my suspicion when someone participating in SS used that particular word this morning. Yup, I trusted her, confided my plot fears in her and then she uses that word!?!? They're planning a coup.
Speaking of planning, I suspect the person who planned this secret santa maybe LYING! There, I said it...she might be lying. I know her game, she pretends to be so sweet, innocent, and caring but I know how damn SMART she is. I bet she's the mastermind behind the coup.
Then there is the entrepreneur who is privy to all the purchases being made by the participants. Yeah, she pretends she has no idea what is going on and who's name everyone has. Again, she plays dumb about all of this but I also know how intelligent she is. Dummies don't sleep with the news turned on.
I've just hit the highlights here. I've got my eye on the rest of you too. Now, picture me pointing to my eyes with 2 fingers (on the same hand) and then point at each of you. That's right, the Princess has you in her sights. One wrong step and I'll know.

Monday, December 18, 2006

I'm Baaaaccckkk

Hmmm...I'm able to log in to blogger from work again...great!!

So Mr. Princess and I took JJ to see Happy Feet this weekend. Ummm...I'm not sure I would use the word Happy in the same sentence as that movie. It was just plain weird and not the happy, uplifting, dancing penguin movie I was anticipating. The beginning was very dark and I don't just mean visually dark. There were weird chanting penguins and it was not at all the scene I would use for the opening of a children's movie.
Fast forward to the demonic seal in the movie. This seal is chasing the main character and the looked like a creature straight from the bowels of hell...complete with red eyes and sharp, pointed, flesh shredding teeth. JJ does not scare easily but she was glued to my arm likely fearing that Lucifer's pet seal was going to jump from the screen and tear her limbs from her body.
Fast forward again to the main character waking up in an exhibit in a zoo. The narrator talks about the penguin's adjustment to the zoo. And at one point says "...after 3 months Mumbles had lost his mind." At this point, the penguin starts seeing apparitions of his friends and family at home and is yelling to them. The apparitions disappear and the penguin starts hurling dead fish against the wall. At this point, alot of children in the theatre are saying "Where is his mommy? Where is his family?" I looked at my watch and just about died thinking this was the end of the movie. I'm thinking they CANNOT end a kids movie like this. What is the moral here? Don't dance or you'll be locked up and go crazy??
Thankfully that wasn't the end but the ending didn't impress me much anyway. I would not rate this movie highly has a kids movie. JJ seems fine after having watched the movie. Me...I'm pretty sure I now have a phobia of seals.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Mean Ole Big Brother

I confess I have been known to blog while at work. More often, I check my friend's blogs at work and leave comments. As of yesterday, that is no more. Big brother has blocked access to blogger and beta blogger. I can still read blogs, I just can't leave comments or write my own blogs. Oh well, C'est la vie! I think Mel has found a work around. But I'll have to wait until Monday to test it because I'M ON VACATION TODAY!

I just dropped JJ and Mr Princess off at daycare and work. I'm now drinking EGGNOG COFFEE and cooking ribs for the family for supper. It's only 8:38 and I am a domestic goddess.

I took the day off to finish my Christmas shopping. Up until this point, I have done all of my shopping on my lunch hour. I tell the truth when I say my legs sometimes hurt after lunch because of the power walking I use to get as much done as I can in 1 hour. I have it all down to a science now. Today, I'm looking forward to just taking my time, looking at things, getting a Gingerbread Latte, maybe looking at some clothes for myself. will be nice. I'm also going to stop in a Nic's and I can stay all day if I want. She might kick me out but the point is I have the freedom. I need to stop in and see Shelley for a few minutes too. But before any of that, I'm going skating with JJ and her daycare. Parents are free to go to skating with them on Fridays. I didn't go last week and JJ told me a whole bunch of parents were there. Then she looks up at me with those expressive green eyes and sadly says "Momma, will go skating next week?" Of course I'll be there. Come hell or high water I will drag my lifeless body across the parking lot, into the coliseum, on the ice, and beat anyone who gets in my way with my own amputated arm if I have to. But I'll be there Babe, I'll be there.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


Enough of my ugly mug as the first thing you see. I had to post, if nothing else, just to move that picture down.

My stomach is still not feeling good today. But I will persevere. I can't go down now. Last time I was really ill I was at the DECH for a week. That won't happening this time of year. After all the effort and mishaps trying to keep Santa alive for JJ...I'm not missing Christmas morning. Not that I would any way. She's been asking me every day if today is Christmas. Poor little pumpkin, it's going to be a long 2 weeks for her.

I think I might take Friday off to finish my shopping. I went to Walmart at lunch and it was pretty crazy. But I always go in with the mindset that I'm going to smile, be happy, and say excuse my when I walk in front of someone no matter what. I'm also prepared for the traffic I will encounter when I leave the mall. I'm just going to sit back, crank the music and let it happen. Getting upset won't change's just the way it is this time of year.

I think I'm all done shopping for my secret santa. She was not easy to buy for. FYI girls, I think the more info you put on the wishlist the better. I won't think you're greedy. I'll just be thankful for ideas.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


The Princess goes digital! I'd like to introduce my new friend. Her name is Canon Powershot S3 IS but I'm going to call her Mini Me! Merry Christmas to me. I'm not looking so perky in this photo because I came home sick this afternoon. My stupid stomach hurt so badly that I was sweating from the pain. The cute Mr. Princess gave me the camera when I got in the car when he came to take me homme.

Keep Your Eye on the Blog

I'm not saying much except you should keep your eye on my blog later this evening. I might have a surprise announcement later on. Not sure yet. Melanie, don't even bother calling me because I won't tell.

Oh! Did y'all know the yanks make pumpkin eggnog?!?!?!?! Thanks to Melanie and Nicole for thinking of me on their trip. Secretly, I think they might be in love with me. However, I really appreciate the eggnog Melanie brought me. I shall enjoy some this evening after JJ's dance class.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

The Tree is Done

Our Christmas tree is now up and decorated. I'll post a picture of it in awhile. Oh wait, I don't have a digital camera...silly me. As per usual we had a small gathering to help up decorate the tree. This year we kept it really small. My parents, my sister and her family, and The Coreys. It was a good group of people. The kids all played well together and the adults enjoyed a few drinks. It's nice when you don't have to worry that anyone is sitting all by themselves and that type of thing.
The tree turned out really well. The kids did a great job. They were all very well-mannered, they shared and were all pretty laid back. There will definitely NOT be any recorating this year. I usually put bows on the tree and I might later but I'm still on the fence at this point.
JJ is in the her own request. She actually told me she's ready for her nap but then asked for a bath when I was shocked by her first request. It's not even 5 pm yet.
Mr. Princess had himself a few double rum and cokes and it's currently asleep in the bedroom. He was sawing logs on the couch until I asked him to go sleep behind closed doors. I have to listen to him snore like a freight train all night long. I'm not going to listen to it now if I don't have to.
Right now I really feel like scrapbooking. I've been so busy making Christmas gifts that I haven't done anything just for fun lately. I hope I'm still feeling creative when I finally have the chance to do something for fun.
I have to go finish cleaning up from this afternoon. We cooked and cleaned most of yesterday and today. I was looking around after everyone left and I couldn't help but think it's alot of work for just a few hours of fun. Maybe from now on I won't bother cleaning. When anyone comes over I'll just say "Really, this is how it would look after the party so I didn't bother to clean. You understand, right?" Here I go to clean up. Yup, look at me go.

Friday, December 08, 2006


I had a unit meeting today at my supervisor's house. We finished up early so I had a few hours to myself before the fam gets home. What wild, crazy and wonderful things did I do, you ask? Well, I was going to make cheesecake brownies but didn't have any eggs (see post from earlier in the week). The brownie mix is still in the bowl on the counter as we speak. I was going to make my altered letters but didn't. I was going to scrapbook but didn't. What did I do you ask??
I layed down on the couch to watch some TV. I'm not sure how much time passed but the phone rang and woke me up. I awoke with my head stuck between the pillow that is the back of the couch and the throw pillow. I'm sure my own snoring would have woken me eventually. After that, I put supper in the oven...Coca-Cola Chicken which is a recipe I got from Anita years ago.
As I type this I'm sitting here watching Ellen. I love Ellen but I don't get to watch often because it's only on while I'm at work. Every time I watch it I find myself smiling and either clapping my hands or chair dancing while she dances. She just cracks me up. Good thing I'm home alone or someone might think I was crazy.

Oh, JJ received some mail today. It is a response to the letter she wrote to Santa and I mailed for her. I CAN'T wait for her to get home and open it!!

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Kids Say the Funniest Things

Here are two conversations between JJ and I from this week. All because I *know* how much everyone loves reading about my child.


I told JJ we could make and decorate gingerbread men. We get home and I discover we don't have any eggs. And this conversation ensues:
Me: I'm sorry JJ we can't make gingerbread men because we don't have any eggs.
JJ: But Mommy I want to.
Me: I know I'm sorry. (Mr Princess walks into the kitchen) Who do suppose ate all the eggs?
JJ pointing a Mr Princess: The big guy.
Me: Hey! We have a ready mix box of Nanaimo bars, let's make those!
JJ: Good idea, Mommy!
Me: Oh, JJ I'm sorry we don't have enough butter.
JJ as she slams the box of Nanaimo bars on the counter: Oh shit!
I exit the kitchen never looking back.

This morning in the car

JJ takes forever to get her coat on boots on because she has to do 10 million things first. So when we finally get out the door I often say "Okay, we're off like a herd of turtles".
Me in the car: Okay, JJ we're off....(I stop to let her finish the sentence)
JJ: a herd of turds!

Alrighty then.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Dear Santa

Santa Claus
North Pole, Earth

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Shelley's Office party. It was Nicole who spiked the punch with too much Fuzzy Duck. I can't help it if I drank 5 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like Pumpkin.

I thought it was funny when I put Holly's Socks on my head and danced the Jitterbug on the couch while singing `I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause'. I didn't mean to break Shelley's MP3 Player and don't know why Shelley would accuse me of Embezzlement.

I don't remember calling Joey's wife a broken Duck---even though she looked like one with red eye shadow and orange lipstick!

And when I threw up on Robin's husband's toes, it was only because I ate too much of that Falafel.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Jeep through my neighbor's Attic. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a old dog and have me arrested for Blackmail!

So, I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all beatuiful and young. And I'm really not to blame for any of this old stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and where yours,
Sarah (Really a nice girl!)

P.S. It's only 8 bucks!

Now do your own letter -

This is not my story

**Seriously, this is not my story. I read it somewhere else and laughed so hard I cried. It's very long so I took out the first of the story because its a bit boring**

I know Victoria's secret!!!!

Shortly after our first anniversary, while getting my hair cut, I was reading one of those slutty magazines. (You know the ones....They have all the secrets to bigger boobs, smaller hips, and how to satisfy your man with common items found in the refrigerator!) There was an article that describe how men are more prone to have an affair in the first 7 years of marriage. This article went on to describe countless ways to "keep your man satisfied". In an effort to save my marriage I continued reading this article. I became determined to save my marriage!!!! As I read the list I started to worry. Many of the things on the list were out of the question for me! I mean, honestly, like I would be able to install a swing from the ceiling of our bedroom. I considered the suggestion of going to a get together where I nonchalantly whispered into my husband's ear, "I'm not wearing underwear". You were supposed to follow this up with a quick "sneak-peak". I'm sure this works well in the movies but let me tell you the reality of the situation. If you have big thighs like mine, it loses something to have to pry your sweaty thighs apart for the "sneak-peak". Not to mention, 15 minutes of my thighs rubbing together would leave them looking like a bad case of teenager acne. I finally found a suggestion that would work for me. I would leave the house for a routine reason and come home wearing something sexy underneath. When I came home and started changing my husband would be overcome with desire and love for me, his wonderful wife.

Part one of my plan consisted of me going to the store to buy lingerie. Now, when my sister got married she received about 30 different lingerie outfits. When I had my bridal shower I was given cookware. I'm sure there is a message in there somewhere. I decided to go to the very best for my plan. I drove to the mall and entered a Victoria's Secret. I must admit I was a little overwhelmed when 5 girls "came at me" with measuring tapes. Since I knew I hadn't been "Sweating to the Oldies" with Richard Simmons, I started to quickly retreat. This was when I discovered Victoria's secret! She doesn't make anything in that store that would fit me!!!!!! I found the biggest employee (size 4 1/2 I think) and told her my situation. She said she would help me find the perfect number. She brought me some things to peruse. I started to get into the spirit of things when I noticed a pirate patch among the outfits. I love pirates and besides this patch had a fancy bow on the back of it!!! I put it on my right eye and started hopping around the store yelling "aaaarrrgggghhh". Boy was my husband going to be excited! When the girl came back with more ideas for me she had this look of utter horror on her face. I must admit I wasn't very happy when she told me to take my patch off. I told her she would have to make me or walk the plank!!! This was when she whispered into my ear that I had a pair of panties on my head. She calmly showed me how the elastic was supposed to "tuck neatly" up my butt crack out of the way leaving only the bow showing in the back. The front part (remember, it was only big enough to cover my right eye) was supposed to cover the front of my delicate maidenhood!!!!!! WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY WAS SHE THINKING??????? Horrible thoughts started racing through my head! If these were panties then were was that piece of parchment paper that has to cover the crotch until the consumer purchases it? Can you get a yeast infection in your eye??? Would you even see the small triangle of black fabric under the roll of fat that would fall over it????? I couldn't help but ask these questions. At this point I was humiliated. I quickly bought the undies (what choice did I have now) and a top to match and ran for my car!!!!!!!

Part two of my plan was about as successful as the first. I rarely went anywhere in the first years of marriage with the exception of water aerobics. Now, after the lingerie experience I was starting to doubt the wisdom of this carefully planned seduction. As I was leaving for my class I decided to up the ante, so to speak. I left my underthings at home and only brought my "pirate number" with me. I managed to make it through another night of water aerobics without drowning myself. When class ended I made my way to the locker room. I must be a shy person by nature because I have never been able to strip totally naked in a locker room in front of complete strangers. While my fellow classmates where butt naked hosing each other off, I carefully tried to get as much chlorine off my body while keeping my swimsuit on!! At the Provo Recreation Center there is a big room where people can change. They also have bathroom stalls and 3 rooms to change in that have curtains. I was able to secure a room with a curtain to change in. At last, I thought, a sign from heaven above!!!! This quickly proved to be a mistake. As I took my swimsuit off and turned to get my "pirate patch" my wet butt stuck to the curtain yanking it open. There I was exposed for all to see. OH, THE HORROR!!! I can't quite remember now but I am sure there were gasps. I like to equate it to the feeling you have when you are at the zoo watching a gorilla eat his own poop! I tried turning the other way but the curtain was still stuck to my butt. At this point I grabbed my clothes and ran to a bathroom stall. I took the handicapped stall because 1: it is bigger then the other stalls and 2: how many wheelchair bound people do water aerobics????

Have you ever gone to the bathroom in a swimming facility??? Well, the floor is completely covered in water. This wouldn't be so bad if it was fresh water but it is chlorinated brown water. Why is it brown you ask??? Because people who haven't entered the pool yet have walked barefoot through the bathroom to the pool. All of the dirt, fungus, and grim from there feet mingles and mixes with the wet floor to create a sludgy substance. Added to this is clumps of toliet paper. Now, I've never been able to understand how the toilet paper ends up on the floor and after this experience I stopped trying to figure it out. Well, I was finally at the moment of truth. I pulled out the "pirate patch" and started putting it on. As I lifted my foot to place it into the panties, my other foot slipped on the above mentioned sludge floor. I went down faster then a quart of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Unfortunately for me, my head broke the fall by hitting the, yes this is a true story, Tampon receptacle!!!! As I cut my eye open on the sharp corner of the menstruation contraption it threw me backwards where I struck my head on the toilet paper holder and the toilet seat. (If only I had thought to wrap one of the seat protectors around my head before I began). At this point, I was propelled underneath 3 stalls.

When I came to.....Several things registered in my brain at once. The first was I was bleeding from at least two open wounds. The second was my head was resting in the crotch of some stranger's underwear. The third was this stranger wasn't going "number one". Trying to save what little dignity I had left, I attempted to get up and out of this stall as quickly as possible. I was very dizzy and had to literally crawl my way up this poor woman. If only I had successfully gotten the panties on before the fall! Then the woman could look at the bow on my butt as I tried to leave. Upon leaving the stall I fell to my knees with weakness. This attracted some attention. Several people came over to assist me. I tried to tell them I would be alright but I guess they didn't believe me since someone called 911. As I was trying to find the pieces of my lingerie (yes, I broke the elastic in the fall), the paramedic arrived. They tried to clean me up but suggested I come with them to the hospital for stitches. I resisted until one of them reminded me I should probably have a tetanus shot due to the possible feces that entered my body. It looked like a trip to the hospital was in my near future.

At this point I tried to find my clothes for my next adventure. I found my shirt in the toilet and my pants were behind it soaking wet. Since the lingerie was ripped, someone suggested I put my swimsuit back on. Have you ever tried to put a wet bathing suit back on? It wasn't very successful. I couldn't even get it untangled. So yep, you guessed it, I went to the hospital in a towel. After watching the emergency room team laugh hysterically, they stitched me up. I had a grand total of 34 stitches, one antibiotic shot, and one tetanus shot. After 4 hours I drove home (I refused to let them call my husband). As I opened the front door my husband quickly ran to the door. He said he had been frantic with worry and where had I been. Then he looked at me with concern in his eyes and demanded to know where I had been and what had happened. I took the broken elastic from the panties and used it as a sling shot. After hitting my husband with the bow I started sobbing. I told him to go ahead and have an affair! I then ran up the stairs and locked myself in my room for 2 days.

So there you have it. My sad story of why I am anti-lingerie. Do you understand why I cannot wear the Princess Leia costume? I mean, what's a girl supposed to do???? If you have any ideas let me know! Help me Obi Wan Kenobe.....You're my only hope!

Friday, December 01, 2006

The Big Concert

JJ had her Christmas concert at daycare last night. She's been practicing for a few weeks now. She loves to sing so she had the songs down pat in one evening.
My mom made her a very cute little dress to wear. I picked out a pattern but I couldn't find fabric I liked. As a last resort, I took JJ to Fabricville one Sunday afternoon and let her pick her own fabric. She picked fabric with snowmen all over it. I must say she picked a great print and the dress was super cute.
JJ's class took the stage and they are all wearing cardboard bells and a little hat thing that was supposed to look like the part of the bell that you hold on to. Well her bell top (headband) fell down. So she spend a good portion of the first song trying to get that back on her head. All the parents were laughing while this was going on. One of the songs was a little narrative where the kids took turns speaking in groups of 2 or 3. When it was her turn she and her buddy marched up the mike and said their part like pros. During the last song, Jingle Bells, the were ring bells. At first JJ was dancing along (parents laughing) and then she started ring her bell with such gusto that she knocked the headband of the kid next to her. Luckily he was completely unfazed about it. JJ didn't even notice...she was too busy performing. She did a great job and was certainly entertaining.
She was sitting in front of the stage watching another class after she was done singing and decided to stage another performance on her own. She kept lifting her dress over her head. No comments from the peanut gallery about parental likeness. Melanie was having a bird in the front row telling me what was going on. But it would have been more distracting for me to walk to the front and stop her. I found out after the fact that another parent tried to pull her dress down but JJ fought against her to pull it back up. I took her away from the stage as soon as the song was over.
After the concert numerous parents came up and said JJ is quite the performer. One parent said "Hollywood, that's all I have to say. Hollywood!" Another parent commented that they really hoped I got her performance (not the dress performance, the singing performance) on tape. I gently explained that the Princess household has not yet joined the 21st century. I'm sure that these parents were being nice. But when people keep commenting I have to wonder what they were really thinking. JJ wasn't acting out, she was just really into singing. Seriously.