Friday, November 30, 2007

Dear Secret Santa

Dear Secret Santa,

Thank you so much for the super awesome early present you left on my chair at work today. I will be sure to tell all the children who don't have chimney's that Santa always finds a way into the house! I thought maybe you had an elf in my office to help you out but the elf said it wasn't her. You must be magic to get into our securely locked building that requires a pass card to even get to the bathroom!

I was so excited to see that package on my chair this morning. At first I didn't see the tag that said To Sarah Fr Secret Santa. So I asked Josh if he knew anything about it but he said no. Then I checked other offices but sure enough they didn't have any presents either. My first thought was of course"Ha! Ha! Suckers!". My second thought was to get at opening that present.

I picked it up, saw the tag, and I was so excited. The package felt familiar in my hand. I didn't waste any time tearing that paper off! Sure enough it was pink fuzzy socks. Ha! Those other bitches said I wouldn't be getting any more fuzzy socks. I knew I could count on you!


Your favourite Princess

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Pep Talk

Your Princess needs a pep talk. I've taken on some new responsibilities at work in the last month or so. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about it and it's a great opportunity for me BUT... Of course there is a BUT. The BUT is that I'm kinda of overwhelmed.

I haven't felt fully comfortable with this since the start but that is to be expected with new challenges. I think if you feel fully comfortable than maybe you aren't taking it seriously or doing it right. This new role is definitely out of my normal sphere. I'm a social issues, fix the world, go to bat for the under dog kind of girl. Now all of a sudden, it's numbers, deadlines, and logistical issues.

I know that I can get the job done. But today, after talking about the vomitous feeling I have in my stomach, I realized that I feel overwhelmed by the task and it's kinda making me doubt myself. Even a Princess has doubts sometimes.

I know that I'm very capable of doing this. I also have a great support system at work and outside of work. I have a great team working with me too. So here is my plan. I'm going to feel nervous, and maybe a bit sorry for myself, until 9:45 am. Then I'm going to go to ladies room, tame my hair, plaster a smile on my face, suck it up and go wow them with my Princess Charms. Princess Charms, for the love of all things good, don't fail me now.

Sunday, November 25, 2007


I've been teaching pole dancing for about 6 months now and it's been going quite well. There have been a few memorable moments but nothing really worth mentioning.

Last night I did a stagette party for a bunch of girls and they were alot of fun and very funny. I will certainly remember that party for some time to come. It's not because of anything anyone did but something a girl said.

It was relatively early in the evening and she turned to me and said "Are you a stipper? Like do you strip other than this?" Holy crap, I'm sure my eyes just about bugged out of my head. I thought she was crazy on a number of different levels.

First, we don't take out clothes of at pole dancing parties. Good lord. What more can I say on that?
Second, she must have been really, really drunk looking at me. I'm okay with the way that I look but I'm not stripper material. Oye.

Jenn, my sister, came with me last night because of the long drive. Thanks Jenn. She can vouch that I was no looking stripperish. My hair was pulled back for the drive there, I was wearing TWO long sleeve shirt and jeans. I just can't imagine that I project the image of a stripper in any way. Must have been the liquor.

I must say that for the first time in a very long time, I did not have a response for her. I just said "No, I work with Suzie's (girl at the party) brother.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Write It Down!

I tell myself to write things down all the time. I've never had a great memory but lately it seems to be getting worse. It always cracks me up when people ask me to remind them of things. I'm telling you it's like asking the dog to watch your supper...not going to happen. Once you entrust me to remind you, it's like putting the information into an abyss...gone forever.

After JJ was born, I remember (how ironic is that?) thinking to myself that I would be very happy for the "Baby Brain" to subside and my memory to return to normal. As the time approached for me to return to work those thoughts changed to "Holy shit! My brain is still mush! How will I function in the real world?!?!" Sadly, it's 3 years later and I don't think things have improved...I have just adapted. Oh, and I think the people around me are down right tolerant.

So lately, I've had blogger's block and last night I was laying in bed thinking. I bet I would sleep much better at night if my stupid brain would shut down and STOP thinking. But nooooo it just won't. Anyway, I get all these ideas for topics to write about and I think "I'll totally remember that in the morning!" But I never do. I had a good idea last night but I decided to store it in my head for "safe keeping" and hence it is lost for ever. Locked in the vault never to be released again.

I've heard of people who leave a pen and paper beside the bed to write the stuff down. Whatever. My room in pitch black so I'd have to turn on a light. I'm talented but writing in the dark and making sense of it the next day is not one of my many, many extraordinary talents. If I dared turn on a light, assuming that I'm willing to leave my warm oasis of a bed, Mr Princess would f'ing freak and pee himself. I can hear it now.

Mr -Jesus Christ Sarah! What the hell are you doing?
Me - Oh I just had a great idea and wanted to write it down. Chill out!
Mr - $(%&$(# @($&5 It's 2 am. *!%^#
Me - Whatever (with a big eye roll)

And really who doesn't love a nasty argument at 2 am? I know I sure do. So there. How do you write things down in the middle of the night? FYI - I'm not really looking for an answer or a suggestion here. I'm simply trying to justify why I refuse to write things down even though I can hardly remember to wear pants most days. Let me have that simple joy.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Big Night

Tonight is a big night...its a UNB vs STU hockey game. And none other than yours truly will be at the game. That's right...the Princess will be in the house. Well, the arena...whatever.

As I mentioned awhile back, I shafted Shelley and offered to go to the game to wiggle my way back into her good graces. Tonight is the big night. I will sit with her right behind the UNB penalty box. By the way, she says to me "You don't mind flying pucks do you?" of my biggest fears is losing my teeth. So....yeah I do but I'll suck it up! I will be wearing a UNB sweatshirt. Oh she wanted me to wear a jersey but I just can't do it. It would scream "FAKER!". I will cheer for UNB or at least acknowledge any goals the MAY get and participate in all the rituals (the list is as long as my arm).

The most difficult part of this is that Shelley told me she doesn't really talk during the game. OMG...that will kill me. I may have to find a few friends to keep me company. Any takers? I'll be the Princess in the helmet behind the penalty box. Pop over and say hi!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Shitty Day

Yup, today was a crap day for me. It was supposed to be a great day but, whatever, things don't always turn out the way out want or intend, right?

I was downstairs around 8:40 this morning and when I returned to my desk, I saw that my Dad had called but didn't leave a message. A few minutes later, now about 8:52, my phone rings. It's my dad and in a very weak voice, he says "Sarah.....I don't feel good". I could tell by the sound in his voice that he was really ill. I already had my coat on and grabbed my purse and ran as fast as I could, in high heel boots, down to his office (we work in the same building). When I got to his office, I took one look at him and yelled "Someone needs to call 911 right now!"

He was laying back in his chair and couldn't move. He was an awful yellow color, breathing very shallow, said he was dizzy and his fingers were tingling. Holy crap, it felt like forever before the firefighters and EMTs arrived.

I tried to get ahold of my husband and sister but nobody was answering their phones. I've mentioned before that I have really great co-workers. But I have to say they are amazing. One guy, ran to my sister's office to get her, another stayed by my said and made calls for me and fetched me things, waited to see if we needed drives, and then showed up at the hospital later just to see if we needed anything. Other people waited for the ambulance, some watched for my sister and husband so they could get in to the building and then yet others waited for my mom. I can't even put in to words or describe what all these people did for me today. I get emotional when I try to talk about it. Just know they are an amazing bunch of people.

So the EMTs arrive, I'm giving them info about my dad, calling my mom, answering other questions for people, waiting for my sister and I hear an EMT say to my dad that they couldn't find his blood pressure. He says "I can take of my shirt if you want, I don't mind." What do I do? I turn to the firefighter beside me and say "LOL...that runs in the family". OMG...I say totally inappropriate things and completely inappropriate times. Holy shit. I still can't believe I said that.

So I'm on the phone with my mom when they decide to take my dad to the hospital. I just asked her where she was and my dad starts making these awful sounds. I look up and my dad is crumpled on the floor passed out cold. I whimper to my mother on the phone "Mom, hurry. Hurry, mom." Nice...did I mention the woman has a heart condition?? Then I watch as 2 fire-fighters and 2 EMT struggle to lift my dad onto a stretcher. I was managing to hold myself together but then I look up and see my sister with big tears in her eyes. I almost lost it at that point.

My mom arrives just as they are taking my dad out. I tell my mother she is going in the ambulance. Not just because I wanted her to be with him. Nope, she has a heart condition! I wanted her in the damn ambulance just incase. I told the EMTs about he heart too.

We went to the hospital and waited. Jenn and I went for coffee and on the way back I see Nicole from afar. Nic, I'm always happy to see you but I could have cried when I saw your smiling face today. It really helped.

Jenn and I left the hospital and my dad was doing well. He was talking and back to a normal color. They monitored him for the afternoon and he's on his way home now. It turns out a combo on meds he was on made his blood pressure bottom out.

These are the highlights but this is too long already. It's going to take me awhile to shake the image of how I found my dad today. He told me he tried to get help for 10 -15 minutes. He tried to call me 3 times before he was able to make the phone work. I can't think anymore about that.

How was your day?

Sunday, November 11, 2007


I try not to write about my daughter too often because I don't want people to say "Does she have to write about her daughter ALL the time". It seems that I have been writing about her alot lately. But, well, I like her and it's my blog. So there :)

Today she, my mom, and I had a lunch date at McDonald's (ewww). Afterwards we went to Shoppers for a few minutes. I finished up first and left JJ with my mom while I went to Subway to get something for the Mister who was mildy hung-over this morning. When I was done done at Subway I started towards the car but they weren't there yet, which I thought was odd. I look over towards Shoppers and what do I see? My 4 year old daughter standing outside the door with a strange man. Mel pick your chin up off the keyboards and keep reading. I calmly but quickly walked over to them. Just as I was getting there they walked back in the doors. When I got to her I called her all three of her names, which we all do when we mean business. The man looks and me and says "Do you know her? Someone is looking for her." Holy crap. I still remained calm but I was deadly serious and not one bit happy.

At this point I have a death grip on the kid and I look inside the store. I see my mother, who was recently told she cannot work any longer because of her heart trouble, freaking out by the cash registers. She is very loudly saying "My grand-daughter! Where is my grand-daughter? She was just hear a minute ago!" Crap, I could hear the tears and the hysteria that were quickly about to take over her. Then all the poeple around her scatter and start looking for my child. My mother chooses that point, thankfully, to look up and see me. I point at JJ and my mom falls from near hysterics to "Thank god she's okay!" Kill me now.

I turn my attention to my daughter who has completely failed to recognize that anything is wrong. She looks up at me and says "Hey Mom, I found ya!" I'm still calm and not even thinking about bodily harm...yet. I bend down so I'm at eye-level with her and I say "JJ, I don't ever in my life want to see that again. Little girls cannot go outside by themselves. I left you with Nana and I expect you to stay with her. You scared, Nana." It went in one ear and out the other. Cue Nana, who comes over and hugs her and tells her she was so scared and so on.

I should mention that this was all the JJ's fault and there was nothing my mother could have done. The kids wanders and so do I.

I decide to end the freak show and drag the kid and the grandmother to the car. Grandmother is still shaking and is sitting in the front seat with her head in her hand. I tried to reassure her and then turned my attention to JJ. I again tell her what she did wrong...blah, blah, blah. I'm very serious which is a point she fails to notice. She picks the middle of my speech to hold up the crap bee toy she got at McDonald's and buzz it in my face. Wrong move!!! I grabbed the toy and told her to listen to my words very carefully.

I then proceeded to scare the shit out of her. Am I proud? Not so much. Will I get the mother of the year award? I was out of the running anyway.

Here is how is went down in a very short tone - "JJ I'm dead serious now and you had better listen to me or I will run over your bee. If you had walked into the parking lot you could have been run over by a car. Or a stranger could have taken you and you would never have seen Mommy, Daddy, Nana, or Grampy ever again. Now, I want you to sit her and think about how sad we would be if we never saw each other again." Then I closed the door and got in the car. I let her sit there in silence until we hit Fulton Ave. I looked back and she had her head down and was looking pretty sad.

I felt bad but whatever. It's not the first time she has taken off but hopefully it'll be the last. Nana felt so bad that JJ got to spend the rest of the afternoon at their house.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Saturday Night

Here I sit on Saturday night. I think I'm getting old. I'm watching Mr Princess and 5 friends play poker. Well, I'm watching TV and they're playing poker right in front of me. Sunny's husband is here and he's a bit of a bad influence. He and Al just introduced me to a new rum. It's called Sailor Jerry spiced rum. It's not the classiest sounding drink but damn it's good. I can't wait to go buy my own bottle.

I was in the dining room watching the poker game for awhile but I didn't think they appreciated my play by play commentary or my needling trying to get someone to put in all their chips. It's kinda funny that the guy who has never played before has a HUGE pile of chips. Gotta love beginner's luck. The conversation in there is pretty mundane. I have to wonder if it's because I'm sitting here. Oh, by the way Jenn, Paul was singing your praise and you are allowed to pole dance with my any time. I was only in the house 15 minutes before the first request for pole dancing. Ha I typed that someone just said "You have to see the pole dancing girls". Well, I have and one mojito and a double rum and coke. If they ask me again, I just might do it. If only I could remember that table routine of mine. Kidding, just kidding.

I went to the mall earlier to give the boys some space. I had a great time at the mall but holy that place in packed on a Saturday night. I was proud of myself for only buying a magazine because I could have come out of there will arm loads of crap.

The mall, a scrapbooking magazine, and watching other people play poker. That is my Saturday night in a nutshell...sad but true.

OH and Eric hate tapenade. Awesome.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Sometimes She is Just Plain Weird

My daughter that is. The stuff that child comes up with ranges from cute to funny to just plain weird. She has been especially entertaining over the past few days. I feel at ease calling my child weird only because I recognize that she is so much like me. She may not look much like me but that child is mine down to her weirdo core. The way she speaks, the things she says, her quirks, her mannerisms...all me. Is it odd that I see so much of myself in her?

Anyway, here are a few highlight from the past few days that have cracked me up.

*Friday morning a block from daycare. Me:JJ don't forget Buzz Lightyear in the car. You'll want him for show and tell. JJ (with attitude): Oh, don't you worry.

* Saturday morning laying in JJ's bed - JJ: Mommy can you lay still for a minute? I'm just going to lick your eyebrow. Me: No.

* Saturday at Shoppers in the line at the cash behind the most butch looking woman ever. JJ: Mommy that man has a poppy. Me: uh, huh. JJ: Mommy, that man sure is buying alot of pop. Me: Yup. JJ: Momma, I love that man's poppy. Me: I finally put my hand over the child's mouth to stop her from talking!

* Sunday in the women's washroom at Walmart. JJ: Mommy, what is that horrible smell? Me: Just finish your business and let's get out of here. Okay that cracks me up even as I write it.

*Sunday night putting her to bed. JJ: Momma, when I get big I'm going to be your best friend. Me: JJ, you're my best friend now. JJ: But when I'm big I'm going to go with you everywhere. To do karaoke, to dance, even when you do something dangerous. But if you're doing something dangerous I'll just stand back and let you do it. Me: I can't wait.

* Ten minutes ago when I was tucking her in. JJ: Momma, what did you just eat? Me: An olive and pepper Triscuit. JJ: I like the smell of that. Breath on me. Me: Uh, okay. JJ: Again, Momma. Me: Sure. JJ: Again. Me: This is the last time. JJ: I love that smell. Can I put my nose in your mouth and smell? Me: NO! Now it's time for bed. Told you she is weird.

* 3 minutes later when she called me back to her room. Me: JJ stop picking your nose. JJ: Okay. Then she pull the blankets over her head and I see the blankets moving. Me: JJ, I said stop picking your nose. JJ: How did you know? Me: Because I know everything. JJ: No, Momma Angie Landers (fake name for a kid in her class at daycare) knows everything. Me: I'm sure she's smart now stop picking your nose.