Serenity Now

The littlest Princess has now been puking and pooping for 2 days. I though we were in the clear when she last puked yesterday at noon. However last night at 12:52 I hear "Momma!" It was very messy all night and we didn't get back to bed until 6:04 this morning. Things have been going quite well today. Until about 10 mins ago when the f'ing cat puked on my bed. Will it ever end? All I need now is my special friend how up later and puke on the floor. Then I can call it a full house.

If It Looks Like a Duck.....

I think it is a strong indication that you are not in a for a good day when your child comes in the bathroom while you're in the shower and says - "Momma, I tooted and pooped my pants!". Oye.

Ohhhh...Jenn W

Jenn you would sooo be in heaven here. It's a foodie's paradise. I had Thai food tonight at Osha Thai and it was to die for. We started with green tea Mojitos and we had Volcanic Beef and Spicy Catfish. I never thought I'd order catfish but I did and it was incredible. As incredible as it was, the Volcanic Beef was even better. It was the most flavourful succulent beef ever. All served with sticky rice. I vowed that I would sit there until all the food was gone. I almost feel bad that I'm here instead of you. As much as I'm enjoying the food here, I know that you would appreciate it that much more.

Seagulls and Pie

After 12 hours of walking today, I'm laying in bed drinking rum and coke. Two highlights today - One was when I was dived bombed by a seagull trying to steal my shrimp and crab as I crossed a street. Arsehole bird, it hit my hair! Two was when I ordered chicken pot pie at a diner and they brought me the whole freaking pie.

San Francisco

Well, I'm here. What a trip to get here. We got up at 2:30 in the morning NB time and finally arrived at the airport in ran Francisco at 4 pm NB time. This place is great! Lots to see and do. Unfortunately, jet lag got the best of me and I was in bed last at 6:30 pm local time. I slept for 12 hours but now I'm ready to go! There is so much shopping to do and so many places that I need to eat.

Hints from Heloise

The littlest Princess isn't feeling so hot today so we decided to have a stay home day together since I'm leaving for a week. She is a super duper little helper when it comes to household chores. We were just downstairs changing the laundry and I handed her a fabric softener sheet to put in the dryer. She looked up at me and said "Why don't you just use the Bounce Bar? It is much easier and it lasts for up to 4 months." I asked her how she knew that and she said she saw it on TV. I cracked up. I've had many people comment to me that the child is going to be a star. I suspect you will see her on TV someday but it will likely be in an infomercial.

Thursday's Leader

The school my daughter attends is piloting a program that I think is called The Leader in Me. The kids learn and live/work by 7 habits they are being taught. Things like "Think Win-Win, Be Proactive, Being with the End in Mind" etc. I think they've basically taken the 7 Habits if Highly Effective People and adapted it for children. These kids are very much into the program.

So this week is Winter Carnival at school and they've been having dress up days each day based on one of the habits. Yesterday was dress like your favourite sports leader. After some head scratching we came up with a figure skating costume - a tutu and a medal.

Today's theme is dress like the leader you want to be. Oye - that school has it out for me. I was completely stumped for an idea. Even as I was getting JJ dressed this morning I was still trying to come up with something. So I was telling her that I was fresh out of ideas and talking, blah, blah, blah. JJ looked at me that I was out of my mind and said "If I need to dress like leader, I'm just going to dress like you! And then I melted on the floor and it would have been the perfect time for her to ask for a pony.

JJ came up with what she needed to put on to look like me. She decided she needed a ring, a necklace, black shoes (because apparently I wear black shoes every day), and lipstick. We both already have curly hair so that one was in the bag.

She made my day without even trying.

Duck and Cover

Growing up, I often heard that Fredericton was known for having bad drivers. I have no idea if there is any statistical truth to that or not. Either way, I don't think Fredericton necessarily has BAD drivers. I think Fredericton has INCONSIDERATE drivers. A whole bunch of inconsiderate bastards. I mean the streets are lousy with the inconsiderate ones. Even the school drop off zone is not immune from the cling-ons.
Every morning that I drop my daughter off at school, I see the same van parked in the same spot regardless of the traffic flow. She won't pull up to allow more cars in, nope, she needs to park smack in the middle. Screw the rest of us suckers, she was there first and this lady knows what she wants. Cars are lined up down the street trying to get kids to school and every morning she takes FOREVER getting her kid out of the car. We receive memos and voicemails on a regular basis reminding us that we are to be quick in the drop of zone. It's a drop off zone not a parking spot. Hello, school? Stop sending me those memos. Save yourself some time and trees. Send one memo to the van lady with her name in big letter, telling her to MOVE!
This morning I really wanted to get out of my car, walk over and kick her in the teeth. But the teacher was right there and I didn't want detention. I have to much to do at lunch today.

Every Once in Awhile.....

My job, for the most part, is pretty negative. Without going into detail, I see people on a daily basis that are in crisis, some are chronically ill, in chronic pain, about to lose their home, living in horrible conditions, sometimes they hate me, sometimes they threaten me. I make a choice not to let it get me down, not to let the negativity take over. Because every once in awhile, I get a chance to make a positive difference for someone, to make their life better, a little easier, to let them know that someone, even a perfect stranger, is willing to step up and go to bat for them. And every once in awhile it works out. Today is one of those days and that makes it a good day.

Your Name Please?

You'd think after working for the same department for the last 10 years, they could get my name right by now.

Wow, You're a Pig

I was sitting here just after lunch and I heard a great big, loud, disgusting burp from an office somewhere around me. Seriously? I'm sure the conference room full of people down the hall enjoyed that too. Save it for home loser . Your wife sure knows how to pick them.

Envious, right?

I am the epitome of klassy and sophistimacated. Here I sit in bed watching Inglorious Basterds, drinking wine with Sprite mixed in and eating Zesty Cheese Doritos. Don't you just wish you were me?

I'll Intervention You!

This conversation took place last night with my special friend while watching The Family Guy. They had just made a comment about Robin Williams no longer being funny and the screen flashed to an animated Robin Williams with lines on his arms.

SF: Oh yeah, look at the cuts on his arms.
Me: Yeah, because Robin Williams is known for being a cutter. Watch much Intervention?
SF: Ooooh.
Me: Maybe you should watch less Intervention.

Laughter to the point of crying ensued. Seriously, who guesses he's a cutter before thinking he's a hairy, hairy man?!?! However, the sympathy was touching. ;)

A Few Randoms because OMG I Need to Sleep

* I very much dislike roast beef. You know how people rave that it is so tender that is falls to pieces? That makes me want to vomit. I made my own roast beef the other day, it turns out I don't hate it. I just need to cook my own. Red wine and steak spice help. Oh it turns out I like gravy too.

* My cat is retarded and is balancing on the top of my head while I type. What is worse, is that I won't bother to move him.

* I made homemade bread for the first time this past week. It was so good, I made it again 2 days later. Oddly, I don't eat bread....until now.

* I woke up at 1 am this morning and realized my cat was under my arm. I moved and he didn't. So, I sat straight up in bed and loudly said "OMG, I killed the cat. I think the cat is dead!". Then I couldn't remember his name. I knew we had changed it but couldn't remember what we changed it to. His name is Cooper. I kept calling him Carter in the night and couldn't get back to sleep.

* Disney isn't very smart when making children's movies. The new one out, "The Princess and the Frog", features a "bad guy" who makes shadows do his dirty work. Millions of kids are now afraid of their own shadow. That's some good work, boys.

* 2:00 am today - my daughter wakes up terrified of the thing on the wall that is making shadows chase her and of the skeleton in the top hat. Dude, what were you thinking when you made that movie?!?!

* 4:20 am and the Littlest Princess finally fell back to sleep after 3 complete rounds of the High School Musical CD. All I want to do, is be with you, be with youuuuuu. There's nothing we can't do.....

* 4:45 am - my neighbour decided to snow blow his driveway beside my head with his mofo tractor that is so loud it vibrates my entire bed. Unfortunately, the snow kept getting stuck so he had to bang the blower part on the drive way repeatedly. I was soooo angry that I paced the house and trying to a) not cry b)go outside, pull him off his tractor, and kick him in balls over and over and over again. I went back to bed and listened until.......

* 7:20 am my daughter comes in and says "Those people are so loud they woke me up!". No shit.

* I had 1.5 hours sleep last night and I'm crochety.

* Poutine made with roasted garlice havarti is very, very good.

Circle K

The following conversation took place at the Irving a few minutes ago.

Me: Hi! Can I get a Lotto Max for tonight and a 649 for tomorrow night too? (I was buying ice and sprite for my wine...klassy).
Cashier: You got ID?
Me: Hmmm...actually I don't.
Cashier: Can't sell them to you. (looking like she sucked a big ass lemon).
Me: No worries. *smile and small giggle* This is actually the 2nd time this has happened in the last few weeks and I'm actually 32. (I'll be 33 a month from tomorrow but I didn't tell her that).
Cashier: Sure. (with a snotty look).
Me as my smile disappears: Actually, you hold on I'll get that ID from the car.
I walked back in and put it on the counter. Nothing from her.
You know, I realize she has a job to do and I was fine with it. I said no problem, I smiled and made conversation and was going to go on my merry way. She didn't have to be such a bitch. She has not aged well at all and is probably insanely jealous that at 32 years old and have a youthful face and she has a full grown mustache. Sucks to be you.

Scratchin' the Ole Beer Belly

I often use this blog as an outlet to poke fun and the ridiculous things I see going on around my office. Today, I have to call myself out. I deserve it.

I went to the washroom a few minutes ago and as I was walking down the hall I realize that I had lifted up my shirt and was scratching my stomach. That is sooooo not what anyone needs to see and, thankfully, there was no one else in the hall. I chuckled to myself to being so classy and went on my merry way.

There you have it, I'm not immune to doing the very same things that I like to laugh at in other people.

Look-A-Like

I was watching the original version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas with the Littlest Princess the other night. All of a sudden it struck me that the Grinch reminds me of someone. Before you guess, it's not Jim Carey. He reminds me of...........Dr. Gregory House.

You Can't Fool Me with a Bow

I can totally tell that your "shoes" are really slippers. I'm just jealous I didn't think of it myself. Do my pajamas count as business casual? Is bed-head a style? Are showers mandatory? I need to know!

Tidbits

* I got a kitten on Remembrance Day. Her name was Lucy until she went to the vet. Now HIS name is Cooper and he is not well-endowed. He thinks he's a human baby and won't let me out of his sight. He also thinks it is acceptable to sleep in my bed under the covers. He is lucky that I sleep soundly and don't discover him until I wake up in the morning.

* Dairy Queen has made my Iron Grilled Sandwich differently each of the last 3 times I've gotten one. Today, I got bacon AND cheese. SCORE!

* I went to Montreal this past weekend to see a Lady Gaga concert. I didn't end up seeing her and I got locked in a mall late a night. I'm talking chains and padlocks on the outside of the door sort of lock in. What is even funnier is that I was completely oblivious to it. Good times.

* I started my Christmas shopping on Sunday November 21st at 2pm. I was almost completely done by Monday November 22 at noon. I just have to pick up some candy on my last grocery order before X-mas. That makes me a Christmas shopping bad ass.

* Dijon mustard, much like bacon, makes almost anything better.

* I don't understand why a grown adult has to walk down the aisle at Walmart, and turn on every single dancing and singing Santa. What is wrong with you, Jerkass?!

* If the white beard on your Santa Clause decoration has turned brown, it's time to throw it out.

* Since I made the request, I'm going to make each of the recipes posted HERE this month. I say that now but it could change if they are really hard. Because I'm spleeny that way.

Recipes....Post'em Here

Over the past few days, I've seen alot of Facebook statuses, heard alot of conversations, read many emails all with the same question - Does anyone have any good Christmas recipes? So, let's post them here.
Now, I know alot of people read this blog but don't leave comments. There is an option to leave your comment anonymously, so come half out of the closet and leave your recipe if not your name. Participaction makes the job happen....or something like that.

It's Just Not Funny...Not Even a Little Bit

I've complained many times on here about the disgusting state of the washrooms in my office. It's not the cleaning staff. They do a great job and I feel bad for what they put up with in having to clean that bathroom. I just cannot comprehend how grown adult women can be such disgusting pigs.

I went to the washroom a little while ago and this is what I encountered. There are 4 stalls in there. One had fecal matter (poop) on the toilet seat and the bowl was full of toilet paper and waste. Another had urine all over the seat. Normal, socialized adults do not do this shit.

Seriously, you're no better than a bunch of poo flinging monkeys.

You Might be a Germophobe if.....

You know it's a good indication that you might be a germophobe when you look over at the person washing their hands next to you and you smile while thinking "Nice hand-washing technique! She even got under her nails."

I might be a germophobe.

For All Your Holiday Needs!

I look forward to the flyers each Thursday morning. They are always waiting for me at the end of the driveway, rain or shine. The delivery person doesn't really care if it's raining when they throw them from the car late Wednesday night so rain usually means "un-readable". But that's not the point here.

The stack of flyers seem to grow significantly around this time of year. Businesses are trying to hawk their wares under the guise of making things easy for the consumer this holiday season. Now I will be the first to admit that the flyers do help me with me shopping list. What cracks me up, is the businesses who don't put out flyers through out the rest of the year but start at Christmas. Again, all under the guise of meeting all your Holiday needs.

Here are a few examples from the stack this morning.

* Hakim Optical - "Give the Joy of good vision." Yup, I'll explain that one to the Littlest Princess on Christmas morning. I'd better get a punching bag too so she has some place to get out her aggression over the craptacular gift. Or maybe my dad "Merry Christmas Dad! Now that your old, I thought bi-focals would be a great gift!"
* Kia (a car dealership) - No catchy phrase here, just a big red bow on a car and low, low price FROM $20,245. Hmmm...who should I gift this too? My sister. "No, no, don't feel bad that you didn't get me anything. It's just a little something I picked up, no biggie." Nothing says practical like buying cars as X-mas gifts. I'd like to know how well that campaign does during this Holiday Season/Economic Crisis.
* Shur Gain Feeds and Needs - "You can be Shur!" Yeah, I'm SHUR my mother will love a pig ear and scratching post. Her nails have been looking scraggly lately and if she doesn't stop chewing on the new furniture my dad will have a bird!

Who says Christmas is too commercial?!?!?!

Uh....thanks but NO!

My 6 year old daughter has taken an interest in the local SPCA and has decided to donate everything in her piggy bank to the cause. Since she is being so generous, this morning I sent out an email to friends and family explaining what JJ is doing and asking for support - cash or items from the SPCA wish list.

Wish liste here - http://www.frederictonspca.ca/our_wishlist.aspx

I received a few responses including this one from my sister that almost got me in trouble with the IT dept for spitting coffee on my computer:

"I’d like to donate one asshole cat."

She didn't even bother to sign her damn name... but it sure made me laugh. I don't think I'll share that offer of support with JJ.

Here is an Idea....

How about you stop referring to your clients as "swine"?

I'm Beginning to Think I Shouldn't be Allow in Public

Is it just me? Am I too picky? Do I hold the average person to an unrealistic expectation? Do I judge the human race to be smarter than it really is? What is the damn problem?

I'm starting to think I should be confined to my own home. Out in public and even at work I'm both appalled and shocked by the dumbness and inconsideration around me. I just went to the kitchenette on my floor to wash my coffee mug. As per usual, there is a nasty used tea-bag in the sink. WTF? Are you planning to use it again? Perhaps storing it in the bacteria filled sink adds to the flavour? Or maybe you like to play Russian Roulette - "What disease can I get today?" Be an adult. Turn around 180 degrees and put the soggy, nasty tea bag in the garbage can. I think it's gross when people do that in their own house. Leaving it there for your co-workers brings that treat to a whole new level. In addition to that, just who do they think is going to eventually put the soggy mass in the garbage can and clean the sink? You can damn well bet it won't be me. I'm staying away from there. I'd rather risk food-poisoning that have any responsibilty for the clean-up and management of that room.

Upward and Onward

Okay, I've left my public service announcement up long enough.

So, does anyone watch Glee? I love that show! Actually, the story line bores me a bit but I l0ve the musical numbers. Sunday and last night, I re-watched all the musical number on "Rogers on Demand". My favourite numbers are the mash-ups they did last week. The guys did a mix of Bon Jovi "It's My Life" and some other boy band song. Maybe it's called "This is My Confession"? Not sure but I keep rewinding it and watching it again. The girls did a mix of Beyonce's "Halo" and Katrina and the Waves "Walking on Sunshine". The girls were good but I liked the boys better.

I'm thinking I might just wait for the episodes to air "On Demand" so I can fast forward to the musical numbers....and the commercials.

Listen to Me and Listen to Me Good

If you have not had a tetanus shot in the last 10 years, go get one immediately. I'm not even kidding. Take your hand off the mouse and run to get one.

How was my weekend? Well it sucked ass due to a dose of tetanus...otherwise known as lock jaw. Go google tetanus or lockjaw and come back and read the rest of this.

3 weeks ago, I stabbed myself in the hand with a corn on the cob holder. 6 days after that, I started to get a sore jaw. I didn't think much of it. But as time went on over the last 2 weeks it got progressively worse each day. I was unable to open my mouth wide enough to yawn, yet I couldn't close it enough to make my molars touch in the back. My ear started to hurt, my teeth hurt, my face hurt, my head hurt. Then the base of my skull started to hurt, the next day my neck hurt, then my shoulders and finally my back down to the bottom of my shoulder blades. My back hurting started this Wednesday.
I had a doctor's appointment on Thursday for something completely different. Rewind here for a minute - I need to add I've cut myself a few times over the past few months and my brother-in-law, Jon, always tells me to get a tetanus shot or I'll get lock jaw. Back to the present, Wednesday before my appt the next morning, I googled lock jaw just for kicks. Holy shit! I had most of the symptoms. The only ones I didn't have were convulsions, coma, and respiratory arrest.
Thursday morning arrives and I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I even called in sick to work. When I got to my appt, I described my symptoms to the nurse and then added that I'd cut myself and not had a tetanus shot in at least 15 years. She looked at me and said "You have lock jaw." A medical student hears my story and says the same thing. Then my doctor gets a rundown from the med student. He stick his head in the room and says "We think you have tetanus. We need to call an infectious disease specialist in Saint John to get advice on how to treat you." I wait in the waiting room while they call. After awhile they tell me they are calling someone in Halifax.
So I sat there for over an hour thinking they would write me a prescription for pain and some sort of antibiotic. WRONG. The med student eventually comes out and take me into the hallway and says "We spoke to Halifax and you need to go to the hospital immediately. Do not go anywhere else, go straight there. There is an internist (internal medicine doctor) waiting for you in the ER. Go right now. You could go into respiratory arrest any minute and you may be admitted to ICU. You need to be monitored very closely. You could die from this." I say okay and off I go. Needless to say, I'm bawling my face off, I can't get out of the damn parking lot because I'm too worked up to put money in the machine to let me out. I'm a mess and driving myself to the hospital.
I arrived at the ER, walked to the triage area sure enough, they were waiting for me. I could hear a bunch of people saying my name and saying "She's here. That's her." I'm losing my mind at this point. A nice clerk comes over and says "Are you Sarah?" I said yes and she says "Janet is on the phone. She wants to know if you want her to come. " Thanks, Jan. I said I was okay she didn't need to come. Thankfully, she showed up later regardless.

Within 20 minutes (I think) I was registered to talking to the internal medicine specialist resident. One of the first things the Dr. tells me is that only 4 people had this in all of Canada last year. Luckily it seems I only have a mild case. Before the end of a 2 hour span, I saw the resident, her boss doctor and the head of ICU. At this point, I'm realizing this is serious. The told me I was not going home because I needed to be watched closely. From what I understand, because the disease was progressing through my body, it could affect the muscles in my chest and stop me from breath. I would be unable to speak to even call for help. Super f'ing fantastic.

My cousin, showed up just after I was told that part of my treatment would be 12 shots one right after the other. That right, TWELVE SHOT ONE AFTER THE OTHER. Sure makes that one tetanus shot sound like a walk in the park, huh? Get a tetanus shot right now.
I had to stay in the ER for at least an hour after the shots in case I reacted. The doctor said if I reacted they'd be able to do more for me in the ER than on a floor. Doesn't give warm fuzzy feelings, does it?
Jan and I had alot of laughs in the ER. She also kept showing me off to her co-workers. She would say "This is my cousin. She has lock jaw!" No one but my family doctor and my cousin had the opportunity to see tetanus in real life before. It's that rare. Rare because most of the population is smart enough to get a tetanus shot. But not me. Go get one now.

So I spent Thursday to this morning, Saturday in the hospital hooked up to a heart monitor and an IV. FYI - the meds that I got through the IV every 6 hours burned like crazy. Get a damn shot this instant. I was very happy to come home today because the last couple of days have sucked like you cannot imagine.
So all this action was for a mild case of tetanus. Makes me damn thankful it was mild. Apparently, in the serious cases, they have to paralyze the patient because the muscle spasms can be so violent they can break their own bones.

Yesterday, the internal medicine resident asked me if she could write a case report on me because tetanus is so rare and I said yes. My doctor also told me his med student was very excited by my case. I'm just doing my part for the medical cause.

There is no test they can do at the hospital to say whether or not I really have tetanus. They have to send my blood work to Ontario and it takes 2-3 weeks for the results. Because the disease is so serious, if they think you have it they need to treat you right away.

I kept smiling and laughing through all of this but I'll be honest. Every time I felt any twinge in my body I was afraid I was going to stop breathing. I tried to convince myself it was no big deal. But laying in hospital Thursday night, unable to sleep and nothing to do but think. I could not help but see my daughter's face and I think she could have lost her mother because I was too lazy to get a tetanus shot. This is a serious disease and could have been much, much worse. It all could have been avoided if I'd gotten a tetanus shot. Please don't let your tetanus vaccination get out of date. It's an avoidable disease and it's just not worth the risk. I'm also very thankful that Jon likes to tease me. Otherwise I may not have mentioned it to my doctor and it could have been too late by the time I relized how sick I was.

This story might be a bit rambly and disjointed but it's still somewhat surreal to me. Jan please feel free to correct any information that is inaccurate.

Cocooning

Some days I'm just tired of fighting "the good fight". Bad fight, good fight, whatever, I'm tired just tired of it. I'm tired of everything being such a struggle. When I'm tired of the struggle, my instinct is always to cocoon. I hunker down in bed with a blanket around me and all the other blankets on me with just my face sticking out. This is obviously rather uncomfortable in the summer. Today I really, really need to cocoon. However, I will haul myself up to the mall for laser hair removal instead. After that, I'm cocooning and I'll be out when I'm good and ready.

So Funny

Over to the left of the screen there you'll see a link to Dooce.com...I'll wait while you look. She has added a new feature to her blog - at the top right hand side there is a tab called "Hate". She is now regularly posting some of the hate mail she gets. She used to blog semi-regularly about the hate mail and those posts would crack me up. Now I can get a pretty much daily fix. That is some good shit, I tell you. I find it down-right hilarious because these people are so upset with her. Seriously, if you don't like her writing then STOP READING IT! Rocket science, I know.

Just Shut Your Pie Hole Already

I have a defect. It's the fact that I don't seem to have a filter between my brain and my mouth. I have a thought and it immediately comes out my mouth without any pit stops along the way. This exchange took place in the washroom this afternoon.

Me: (walking into the stall) "It smells like horse manure in here!"
Co-worker: "Yes, someone just left."
Me: "OH! I didn't think that was human....(not done talking but she cuts in)"
Co-worker: "It is."
Me: "I mean I thought something was wrong with the air vents or plumbing."
Co-worker: ....silence.....
Me: "Yeah, next time I'll just keep that to myself."
Co-worker: "Yes."

Case in point.

Love Your Pics ;)

I know you think the photos of you dancing at a club that you posted on Facebook are really hot. But, really,the pics of you with the sweat marks on your shirt right under your boobs should be saved for your eyes only. No need to share everything on Facebook. There is a lesson to be learned here - Boob sweat stains are, most certainly, not hot. You can take that one to the bank.

Klassy and Sophisti-ma-cated

The black bra under your thin white blouse is fan-fucking-tastic and professional to boot. Knock'em dead in that meeting you just walked into.

Cute But Stupid

I went to see Inglorious Basterds last night with a friend. Below is an email that was sent to a few of our other friends about the movie.

Picture this - Sitting at the theatre, watching inglorious basterds. Very tense scene. Nazi security psycho has a woman in a room, suspects she is a spy. Days earlier, he found a shoe, he suspects belongs to the woman and has it in his jacket. Woman is sitting, Nazi is sitting as well facing her. Nazi asks for her foot. Woman… shaking, lifts it and puts it only his knee. Nazi asks her to reach in his pocket and pull out what she finds… the shoe is in there. Princess somehow forgot about the shoe part…. Leans over to me and says in a whisper…. “HE’S GOING TO CUT OFF HER TOES”.

Uh, no… he’s going to see if the shoe fits. Oh yeah.

If Tommorow Never Comes

I can hear country music coming from another office down the hall. If music makes you feel good then, by all means, turn it on. However, please close your door. As Mr. Garth Brooks says "If tomorrow never comes....." I will scratch out my own ear drums and lock them in the drawer beside me.

One and the Same

Printer paper and toilet paper seem to be one and the same in my life. Every time I go near either one of them....I have to refill them. It's understandable at home....I live with an almost 6 year old. She doesn't know how to change it. At work, it seems like I fill that printer with paper every time I go near it. Ahhh....maybe they hired me specifically for my paper filling ability. I don't think that was even listed on my resume. I must be THAT good. Everyone has a role in life and I guess that's mine.

I Got a Pocketful, Got a Pocketful of Sunshine

Picture it, Woodstock 2009, and the Dunphy clan moves in. My cousin and her husband hosted a family ho-down at their place this weekend. Thanks guys, you are wonderful hosts. A good time ho-down it was. I can't even count how many people were there. It was a long night but here are a few highlights.

* the man and women segregated at Man Camp and Women's World. One man breaking all convention and setting up in the middle of Women's World. He said talking about diesel trucks is boring and Women's World was more fun. Damn right.
* swimming in the river. The water was low but running fast. It was my favourite part of the day. I loved it.
* wine on the pot luck table. Enough said!
* Karaoke - Janet and I singing "There's a Tree Out in the Backyard"...with no music. Janet and I singing "Just Dance". The kids loving karaoke.
* The Littlest Princess singing "Tomorrow" from the movie Annie in front of everyone...with her back to the audience. :)
* "I need the TV. T...V. Bring me the TV.........and a drink."
* selling porta-potty tickets.
* Dorothy donating her winning to the porta-potty fund.
* Auntie Lisa, I'm sorry I stole your Travelocity Gnome and sent it to Alberta. But he will have the trip of a lifetime!
* Auntie Michele, sorry for standing outside your tent telling you to get up after you went to bed.
* Hi, my name is Joe. And I work in a button factory. The other day boss came up to me. And he said Hi Joe. Are you busy? And I said No. So I turned the button with my right hand. Hi, my name is Joe.... Auntie Lisa thanks for being the first to join me in that and so enthusiastically at that.
* Thanks to Tracy and Janet for the rump shaking in front of the fire. However, some were afraid we were going fall in the fire. Maybe it was when I yelled "Tracy and Janet, hold me up so I don't fall in the fire!" that caused the alarm. I guess we'll never know.
* The fireworks rocks.
* Girl cousins, we really need to re-think arse darts in a completely dark field. Damn it was hard to find my quarter!
* Thanks to everyone for finding my shoes. Again....and again. They are tricky little buggers to keep track of.
* Janet - you'll just get used to them!!!
* it turns out it's rather difficult to share an MP3 player with another person while dancing in front of a bon fire. Thanks for being a good sport, Trace.
* Sunday morning my sister looked at me and said "There was no coming back from where you were last night."
* Sorry to my entire family for drilling "Pocketful of Sunshine" into your heads. I know, I'm still singing it too.
* Sorry for stealing the Family Talent Show trophy. I did return it Sunday morning.

So I guess that prompts the question "Who won the Family Talent Show?" I'm pleased to announce that the winner of the First Annual Family Talent Show is........ME!!!!

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine. I got a love and know that it's all mine. Oh, oh woh, oh oh.

Say What, Moron?

This morning JJ shared that the "leaders" at daycare do not help them put on sunscreen. JJ is almost 6 years old. I explained it would be very hot today and she must get help putting sunscreen on her back...from an adult.

When we arrived at daycare, I asked to speak with the leader and it went like this:

Me - "JJ told me that the leaders don't help the kids with sunscreen, is this true?"
Leader - "Yes, but we tell them to do a really good job."
**At this point my face automatically adopts a "you're a big idiot" look.
Me - "I can't put sunscreen on my back by myself and I"M 32 years old."
Leader - "Well they wear a shirt too."
Me - "A t-shirt allows UV rays through. Even more so when it's wet. Put sunscreen on my daughter."
Leader - "Well......"
Me - "I regularly have moles removed from my body and tested for cancer. PUT SUNSCREEN ON MY DAUGHTER'S BACK!"
Leader - "Sure."

That's what I thought you'd say.

Yeah, JJ is in a day camp for kids from kindergarten to grade 2. They need extra help. Hell, if she is able to take care of herself, why am I paying $140/week on their day camps? I honestly thought she was going to tell me it wasn't her responsibility. It would have not been pretty. The daycare standards sitting on my desk strongly suggest it IS her responsiblity. Take that.

Run, Forest, Run!

To the boy who keeps running down the hallway past my office,

Unless your ass or this building is on fire, stop running down the hallway. This is an office building not a race track. When you run in here it makes me think there is something wrong. You do it so frequently, I'm getting whip lash from my head snapping up so often. Next time, you may trip over my foot.

Love,

Princess Slow the Hell Down

There's a Storm Brewing

I swear that today, given the perfect conditions, I could manifest into the perfect storm. It's brewing.

Salt or Ketchup, The Great Debate

I find it bizarre that when you go through the Wendy's drive-thru, you have to ask for ketchup but they automatically put salt in the bag. Do that many people ask for extra salt for those already salty fries? I worked in fast food many,many, many moons ago and from what I remember, there were more request for ketchup than salt.

Perhaps salt costs less than ketchup so they toss it in the bag to make you feel like you're at least getting something for free. But you have to ask for the pricier condiments like ketchup. I can hear the big wigs in the meetings now "Folks, these are tough economic times and we need to cut costs. Toss a packet of salt in the bag and maybe the bastards, I mean customers, won't ask for ketchup!"

I worked in fast food in high school and only giving ketchup upon request actually started way back then. I'm not really complaining about it. I think it's smart to only give out condiments when requested. In fact, when I ask for ketchup and they give me a fist full I tell them I only need one. Waste not want not, right? I just find it funny that they toss a bunch of salt in the bag without asking.

Fiction vs. Reality

So, I'm a scrapbooker - not new information. I like to read various blogs - again not an earth-shattering confession. I read a number of blogs on a daily basis. A few blogs are scrapbook related and a number of them are not. Now, I'm not lumping all the scrapbooking blogs together but I really wonder if those ladies live in same reality that I do.

A number of the big names in the scrapbooking world also have big families. I'm talking families with 3, 4, 5 kids. We all love our kids and like to have fun with them but we also have challenging days too. Not in scrapbook celebrity land. I swear their lives are all sunshine and lollipops and their kids sneeze gold. Yes, there is something to be said for positive thinking but, seriously, it all seems perfect ALL of the time.

I read www.dooce.com every day and boy is she a contrast to the Stepford Scrapbookers. Like many of the scrapbook bloggers, Dooce- real name is Heather, has children. She has a 5 year old and a newborn and talks about her life. The glaring difference is that Heather seems to portray the reality of having kids.

Just once, I'd like to see a photo on the scrapbook blogs where the celebrity scrapbook Mama has spit-up on her shirt. As opposed the perfect hair, perfect nails, perfect makeup, holding the perfect card, with her spotless kids standing there being perfect that we normally see. The reality is that we're all reading those perfect blogs with a toothpaste blob on our shirt, while eating a cookie we found at the bottom of our purse!

How Much Does Your Mother Love You?

My Mama loves me enough to buy me 5 pairs of shoes. You heard me. 5.

You Are Soooooo Cool that I Can Hardly Stand You...I Mean It.

I think all your bragging about your weekend long drunk and run ins with the law are totally lame. It was lame back in the day and it's especially lame at 30 something years old. Ahhhhh....gotta love Facebook updates.

Welcome to the Neighbourhood

I think the new fire station is opening next door to my office. I see trucks and firefighters over there. I don't know if it's officially open yet but, if not, it's close. I think the neighbourly thing to do is to go over and welcome them to the neighbourhood. I've been spending some time in my supervisor's office lately (he has a window overlooking the fire station) and one of those times I offered to be the official welcome person for my office. He laughed and said no. I can't imagine why? I think maybe it's because he doesn't like the nose prints that I keep leaving on his window. Stacey and Jen keep your schedules open. We may need to schedule a very important lunch meeting to go over and say "Welcome, boys! Need help washing that truck?".

Thought for the Day

Perhaps your day is not going so well when your conversation includes "I hope insert fake name here has a wonderful fucking life". Feel free to share your own conversation excerpts.

I Really Hate Mowing the Lawn

I really, truly hate mowing the lawn. I can't even tell you. I'm lucky that this was the first time I've had to do it this season...thanks to my dad. But there comes a point when you have to buck up and do it yourself.
Mowing the lawn is hard work. But it's the swelling eyes, coughing, wheezing, watery eyes, and insane itchy all over that really bugs me. So not fun. I love summer but I could do without mowing the lawn.

Quote of the Day

I read this just a few moments ago. It made me laugh as I nodded my head in a agreement.

"People will always continue to stump me with their stupidity."

Do you recognize this as your own? Love it.

Mean, Mean Father

My littlest Princess had a minor meltdown this morning. I asked her to put on her sweater and this is what I received from her in return. Please imagine a very dramatic tone - "Mommy, when I'm a teenager and I have my licence Daddy is going to make me drive. And I don't want to drive. I always have to get myself dressed."

Ummmm...okay. I totally see the connection between driving and getting yourself dressed. And at 5 years old, of course you should be worried about driving 11 years from now.

I assured her that when she has her licence if her father tries to make her drive against her will that I will talk to him about it. Something tells me this is a conversation that I need not worry about.

Challenged

I was trying to label (categorize) my posts and I somehow deleted a bunch. I think I only lost about 10-15 posts. I don't really care about most of them but some had some dates and items I wanted to remember from Florida. Anyone know how to get those back?

It's About Damn Time

Friday sure took it's sweet time getting here this week. The "OMG...this day sucks" emails started early today. I think the rain this week has everyone on edge. Well, what could be better than drinks with the ladies to start the weekend and wipe away the memories of a gross rainy week. Thanks girls! We really need to start interviewing those construction workers soon. ;)

As I type this, I can hear a party raging down the street. I need just a little bit more balls and I'd head over there to say hi and join the party. Almost........

ISpy Bingo

Over here at the Boca Vista Retirement Community for Canadian Snowbirds, Nana, the Littlest Princess and I just finished up a rousing game of Bingo before supper. We all had cocktails while Grampie cooked up the early bird special for us. Nana and I are heading out for some shopping here soon so we can be home for bedtime at 8:30. ;)

Today, JJ and I hit the pool and then the beach for a few hours. We were very lucky to watch a pod of about 6 dolphins frolic in the surf. It was awesome. I think Jillian has learned more in the last 36 hours than I thought possible. We're very lucky that my parents, aunt & uncle, and cousin are old pros at this. We wouldn't be seeing nearly as much if they weren't here to show us the ropes.

Tomorrow we are planning to hit Disney World. We're are only doing Magic Kingdom and Downtown Disney. It should be an experience. JJ is so happy on the beach and playing with cousins that we'll be happy to come back and hang out at the beach for the rest of the week.

Blah

Just so we're clear, I hate today. I hate the snow. My car hates the snow. I hate the cold. I'm pretty sure I'm going to hate Thursday too, if the weather channel is any indication.

If anyone (J, J, P, S...I'm looking at you) cares about me at all, they would take my away to some place tropical right away. Or by February by the very latest. By then I should be nicely set into the deep depths of despair.

Hiding the Christmas Pickle

Day 1 - It's 8:41 am and I've hidden that pickle 5.2 million times since 8 am. It's 8:41 and she has "given up" 5,199,999 times. O.M.G. The Christmas Pickle. I think I'll be cracking open the Christmas Sailor Jerry rum by about 3 pm today. Given that today is only December 6 and that leaves us 19 more days to play Hide the Pickle, I'd suggest you go to the liquor store NOW if you want any Sailor Jerry for yourself this festive holiday season. I said now.

Update 8:44 am - she just told me that she gives up and the Christmas Pickle is now looking for her.

Here is the story from the tag that came with the pickle. Jay gave us all these pickles for Christmas last year.

Legend of the Pickle - Start this tradition in your home...legend says that the pickle, a symbol of good luck (Um...I need about 50 more of these good luck charms), was the last ornament placed on the tree. The first child to find the pickle on Christmas morning was rewarded with an extra gift left by St. Nicholas. This tradition encourages children to appreciate all the beautiful ornaments on the tree, rather than rushing to see what Santa has left for them.

My spin on the pickle - put it on the tree as soon as you remember it in December. Tell your 5 year old about it so she can bug the hell out of you asking where it is, give up on it, find it, and repeat the cycle.
Spin #2 - Invite people over and tell them to find the pickle. Tease them mercilessly when they can't find it. Anyone want to come over?

Today is One of Them

You know what? Some days just plain suck and today is one of them.

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish

My kid is an incredible swimmer. I know every parent is proud of their child. But, seriously, that girl is an amazing swimmer.

The Littlest Princess started swimming "lessons" at the indoor pool when she was four months old. I have continued putting her in lessons as often as possible. I didn't put her in lessons at all last year because she was advancing too quickly. She had just turned 4 years old and would have been in a class with kids who were 5 and 6 years old. That's a big age difference so we took a year off.

She is back in lessons this year and she's amazing. She seems to "get it" so quickly. She and my dad spent sometime working with a flutter board in my parent's pool this summer. Dad, you will be happy to know your teaching did not go to waste. She took that flutter board and left the teacher in her wake. I didn't think it was a big deal until the other kids took their turn - trust me it was a big deal.

JJ will be starting diving lessons in January. Just as a precaution, I asked her swimming teacher to evaluate her tonight to make sure she is a strong enough swimmer to take diving. I watched as the teacher asked her to swim across the pool. Remember, JJ only turned 5 years old in September of this year. She jumped into the deep end of the pool, without a life jacket, and swam clear to the other side in about 30 seconds. I was confident she was a strong swimmer but I was surprised at the speed! At the end of the lesson, the teacher came to the door and I looked at her questioningly. She simply shook her head and said "She's strong enough."

She's such an innocent looking little girl with her blond ringlets and lack of front teeth. I'm thinking of taking her to the pool and putting her in races against unsuspecting teenagers. I'll place a few bets and see what happens. She may as well learn the art of fleecing people early and from I've seen at swimming lessons...she's quick study.

I Had a Vision

For once I had a vision and it actually worked out. This is not normally the case. Things don't usually turn out the way I see it in my head.

JJ and I are starting completely from scratch with Christmas decorations. As of 2 weeks ago, all we had was a Christmas pickle (thanks Jay!) and a Christmas wine stopper (mine...not JJ's). We have decided to go in a completely new direction. Think color and sparkle. None of that stodgy old monochromatic stuff for us. We felt we needed some pizzaz.

On to the vision. A few months ago I came up with the idea of wiring groups of Christmas balls together to make cluster. Then I thought I would put the clusters on the tree as a base. Much to my surprise, it turned out just the way I envisioned it. We are using only 5 colors on the tree (I had to have some standards). We're using red, silver, green, blue, and purple. The clusters have 4 balls each and the color combos are whatever I grabbed. I love how it looks and I'd like to do the entire tree like this. However, my dear daughter is very excited to put more on. So, of course, that is what we will do and it will be beautiful!

Here are some photos and they do not do the tree justice. It doesn't look as skinny in real life. I got the tree at Michael's last week. I didn't not look as glittery when it was waaaaay up on the display shelf. I'm going to be glittery for months. Maybe it will give my personality some sparkle.

Top part of the tree:

Whole tree:

Cluster:

That creative flow from this morning came to a very abrupt halt around 2:30 pm. The phone rang and JJ's father said "JJ need to go to the hospital." I immediately asked where they were. He told me about the accident and said he needed to get her stuffed animal and then she needed me. I told him I would meet them at his house.

They had gone sliding at a friend's house this afternoon. Apparently, they got about 15 mins of sliding in and she had an accident. She was going the hill by herself and hit a rock (as big as her) head first. He said she hit so hard that she flew backwards into the air. She split her head open and hurt her foot.

I arrived to see her and she enough her head was split open. I could immediately see that it needed stitches. Bad thing to say. She started screaming that it would hurt. Right or wrong, I told her it would hurt but only for a second while they gave her medicine to take the pain away. I don't believe in lying to her. Her foot was injured too and she couldn't stand on it at all. Off the ER we go.

There was a huge waiting period at the hospital but she needed her head look at. We waited about 3 hours in the waiting ear. I just say the LPN (Marion) on duty was fantastic. She was very helpful and compassionate too. She bandaged JJ's head to keep the wound from drying out and it was hilarious. I wish I had a picture but grabbing my camera was the last thing on my mind. Finally, they offered to glue her head for us. By that point she could stand on her foot a bit, wiggle her toes and rotate her ankle. It was mildly swollen but nothing horrible. I told them to glue her head and we would call our doctor about the foot tomorrow.

The nurses started to clean her head wound and tears started to well up in JJ's eyes. She held my hand but you could tell it hurt. She loves to sing so I told her that when I hurt I sing to make the pain go away. So right there in the middle of the ER, we weren't in a room...we were just behind the triage desk, I started to belt out Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. I didn't even try to keep my voice low. I just let it go. JJ sang along with me and by the time we finished the song the glue was done. As I got her coat on to leave, she started to sing the song again and looked up at me and said "It stings." and she kept right on singing. I almost cried.

She is such a brave little kid. I made her laugh hysterically at one point in the waiting room. I looked at her with fake surprise and said "I can't believe you hit a rock head first and that tooth STILL didn't come out!!" She thought that was hilarious.

Mish Mash of Stuff

I have my internet homepage set to Yahoo and when I got online this morning I saw an article that made me chuckle. The headline is that a woman was charged for careless driving. What was so careless you ask? She was trying to eat a bowl of cereal while driving. I know you think I'm going to ream her for trying that, right? Wrong. I've tried to eat soup while driving. Not from a fast food place either. In a bowl I brought from home. Let me tell you, it's not easy to eat soup while speeding down Route 8 because you're late.

I woke up with a bit of a creative itch this morning. That is big news in itself (is that grammatically correct?). I've been so creatively stunted lately that it's driving me crazy. I have nothing to say let alone to write about. I have no desire to make or send Christmas cards. In fact, I think I'm going to get rid of my stamping supplies. The same unfinished scrapbook layout sat on my table for over a month Decorating is not even on my radar. Clean is good enough for me.

I think the bug bit yesterday. I finished the layout. It just needed a title and I even had the title in my head. I just didn't have the motivation to put it on paper. After that, I used some scraps to decorate an empty coffee can in a Christmas motif. This morning I woke up at 6:45 to watch cartoons with the Littlest Princess. After she left with her Dad at 8:30 am, I did an entire layout. Yup, a whole one. Then I saw the Yahoo article and decided to blog.

I need to get up and do something else before this creativity escapes me again. Who needs a shower anyway? I'll just rub some glitter on myself and call it pretty.

For the Love of Money

I've mentioned in the past that my 5 year old daughter loves money. She especially loves toonies because they have a "golden middle" and pink and golden are her favourite colours, you know.

JJ lost her first tooth in August while camping with my parents in Shediac. Unfortunately she swallowed the tooth and boy was she pissed about it. All ended well because Grampie helped her write a letter to the Tooth Fairy explaining the situation. The money left behind by the Tooth Fairy left a lasting impression on my daughter. Teeth equal Toonies. It's that simple.

A few months ago, I realized that JJ had 5 more loose teeth. From that day forward, it has been her mission to get those teeth out of her head and under her pillow. She plays with them constantly and 2 of them have been hanging by a string for weeks now. Wednesday night, JJ had been in bed for 45 mins when I heard her yell like her pants were on fire. She came charging out of her room yelling that she pulled her tooth out. She was beyond herself with excitement. So we put the tooth under her pillow and, sure enough, the tooth fairy came in the night.

Now, you must understand that my daughter is an all or nothing kind of girl. Of course, she sees this tooth thing as a way to get more toonies and it just so happens she has 4 more loose teeth. What luck! Last night after she'd been in bed about 20 minutes, I hear a yell and we have a replay from the night before. The little bugger tried to pull out another tooth! This time it didn't go nearly as well. She came of out of her room with blood dripping down her face and the tooth still attached. She asked me to pull it out but after one failed attempt she was over that plan.

I cleaned her up and put her back in bed with strict instructions to leave the tooth alone. The things we will do for money.

Safety Warning

You should never attempt to blow dry (actually any activity involving electricity) your hair at the bathroom sink while a 5 year old is brushing her teeth. Failure to heed this warning could, no, probably will result in electrocution.

Perfectly Perfect

Do you know someone who has the perfect life? Everything about their life is just textbook perfect...everything is just so and the way it is all "supposed to be". Everything is just so perfectly perfect. You know, the person who makes you feel inferior because you didn't iron your underwear today or serve a full course breakfast using the fine china before sending your kids out the door this morning.

For these people, no mountain is too big to climb, no crisis is too much to handle. Just put on a smile, be positive, and charge on. Oh, and don't forget the perfect handicraft for the occasion. After all nothing says "Flood Relief" like a homemade tea cozy.

Funny this is, I find that often these perfect people tend to be the most judgemental. Geez, if I could just have made the perfect Christmas topiary then maybe my marriage wouldn't have fallen apart. DAMMIT! I deserve to be judged. Actually, I think that judging is just part of human nature. I'm guilty by times. If anyone tries to tell me they are too perfect to judge, I would call them a liar. We all do it.

Over the past 10 months since my separation, I've tried to stop talking about issues pertaining to other people. I'm not perfect and yes I have my opinions. But I've tried to stop sharing those opinions. More specifically, I've tried to stop gossiping. I try not to say anything that I wouldn't want to be public knowledge. Gossip is hurtful and often not true. I'm well aware that separation/divorce is a juicy subject. But you likely don't know the whole story. I've been pretty lucky in my situation. The whole thing has been amicable and my soon to be ex as even said that he realizes that I did the right thing and it was courageous.

Unfortunately, it seems like I set off an epidemic. Alot of people around me are having similar issues of their own. Unfortunately, it seems that marital issues are a conversation topic that is too good not to talk about. It might do us all good to remember that Karma can be a real bitch. Be careful or she might just bite you in that perfect ass of yours.

Well, I'm off to scrub the floor with a toothbrush. It is simply the only way to make it sparkle to perfection.

Hold on....

The following is a statement I've heard many times at work this past week from multiple peoeple:

"Hold on, just let me put my teeth in."

Um, okay.

Weird Pet Peeve

I have a bit of an odd pet peeve. Actually, I'm not sure it's really a pet peeve because it doesn't irritate me...it just grosses me out.

I don't like it when I hear people using nail clippers at work. It just grosses me out for some reason and I can't even tell you why. It doesn't bother me if someone pulls them out to do a quick little fix. But right now I can hear the repetitious click of someone cutting all of their nails at their desk. That grosses me out. I think you should save your manicure for home. I don't think you should pick your nose at a red light in the car either. But that is probably just me being picky and critical again.

Coffee Review

I wrote this yesterday afternoon for a few ladies I work with. It is about me trying the new coffee machine in the lunchroom.

This afternoon I ventured down to the second floor with great anticipation. I was about to try out the new coffee machine. Imagine my delight upon learning that for $1.25 I could have coffee creations of my choice. Mochachino, latte, cappuccino…all the tips of my fingers any given time the moods strikes me. Woo Hoo – I can hardly contain my excitement. Down the stairs I go, smile on my face, and anticipation bubbling under the surface.

I enter the lunch room with caution looking around for the cute little machine. Instead I find an impressive technological beast sitting beside the vending machine. I feel a bit of trepidation and intimidation just looking at the chrome beast. “Suck it up!” I think to myself and I approach the promise land. Decisions, Decision! What should I get? I finally decide to play it safe and I get a regular coffee with milk. I didn’t see the buttons allowing me to add sugar but all is good because I have sugar in my desk. I keep to the task. I put my money in and hit the button. I listen to the whirling of the machine as it freshly grinds my beans. Next, I hear the clunk of my cup dropping. I look and think to myself “Hmm…that’s a small cup for $1.00” but I still maintain my optimism. After all, I have so many choices from one machine. After about 30 seconds of brewing and mixing, the machine signals me to remove my cup. I reach in and gently take the cup. Gently quickly flies out the window and turns to full on tugging as I wrestle with the machine to extract my coffee goodness. I throw caution to the wind not caring if I slosh hot coffee on myself. I want my cup ‘o’ joe! Finally the beast releases the wares and I retreat to my office with my prize in hand.

I sit at my desk and smell the coffee. I immediately think I will need lots of sugar in this one. I put in the sugar and gently take a sip, careful not to burn my tongue (because I hate that). It turns out I worried for nothing. Tepid bath water is more dangerous than the swill in my cup. Not even a good dose of Bailey’s is going to save the train wreck of a coffee. My anticipation and excitement has been quelled. My curiosity and wonder has been satisfied. The bottom line on this coffee is this….for the love of all things good, either bring your own or bring Tims!!!!

Try Again Tomorrow

I just called another area of the organization I work for to get some help because I was having a technical issue. Do you know what the solution was? "Try again tomorrow". Wow.

I've been covering for my supervisor for a week now and I get many calls in the run of a day asking me to look at issues etc. All this time I've been actually taking the time to address the issues when in reality all I had to say was "Try again tomorrow." I wish I'd know that this time last week when I started covering the position.

They first told me to wait a few hours and try again. When I said it had already been a few hours they told me they'd check with another part of the organization and call me back. In all fairness, it was the second part of the organization that said to try again tomorrow.

So there you have it. "Try again tomorrow"...the put it off catch phrase of today.

**Good lord, just a side note here. As I was writing this, co-worker that I don't know just looked in my office and said "Where does Suzie Sunshine sit?" I said "She is directly below me on the 2nd floor." We sit on the 3rd floor. Nameless co-worker looks at me and says "I'll put it in the mail." Yeah, good thinking you lazy ass. Send it across town on a truck and back rather than walk down one flight of stairs. I would hate to see you save some money or worse yet, get some exercise. This organization is just full of quality employees. FULL!

What a Diffrence a Year Makes

Every now and then I take the time to read old blogs. I like to go back a year from the current date to see what was going on in my life at that time. It is certainly an interesting read.

At the beginning of 2008, I wrote this sentence at the end of a post "I'm jumping on to see where it takes me and I think it's going to be good." I was talking about life and how I was going to approach the year to come. At that time I didn't realize that my entire world was about to implode on me.

All around the same time some aspects of my social life had a melt down, my marriage ended, and I was so bogged down at work that I felt like I was drowning most days. All of a sudden I had to worry about finances, my mental state, my daughter,s mental state, where we were going to live, and about 10 million other things. I still had to drag myself out of bed when most days I just wanted to hide under the covers to get away from the stress. I had no idea that damn train I was about to hop onto had sooooo much freaking baggage.

Luckily, I've always believed that life continually evolves and changes. I also believe that life will be what I make of it. I've really had to repeat this to myself alot over the last 9 months. But as I approach the one year mark, I'm in a better place. Using the famous Big Brother line "It is what it is." I can't change the past nor can I change other people...I can only make the best of the present situation.

I've wanted to jump off this ride many, many times over the last few months. Some days I still want to get off. But I keep trudging along. I feel more at ease now and I think those closest to me can see that. I bet if I go back and read this is another 6 months, I'll be surprised at, one again, how things have changed in such a short span of time.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my sweet, sweet little girl. The Littlest Princess turns 5 years old today. It has been a big year for her with many changes. She started kindergarten last week and is handling it like a pro. Every morning when I drop her off, I watch her walk on to the playground. Often none of her friend have arrived yet but she doesn't seem to care. She happily walks over to the swings and does her thing. This morning I was watching in the rear view mirror as she tried to dry off the swing to sit on it.

She just turns 5 years old today but she looks much, much older. She looks older than most 6 year olds yet she is probably one of the youngest kids in her class. I think people expect for from her on a cognitive and emotional level because they think she is much older than she is. But if you took the time to look in her eyes and talk with her, you quickly realize she is a sweet, sensitive 5 year old little girl. She still needs all the things 5 year olds needs.

This morning I said Happy Birthday to her and she said "Am I 5 now?' I said "You sure are!" and a huge grin spread across her face. I hope today is a great day for her.

Just So You Know - Part 2

* it is NEVER okay to take files into the bathroom stall with you. Please!
* I'm sure you find your loud opera music to be lovely. However, it makes me want perform a lobotomy on myself. You now have a door, use it.
* payback is a bitch and someone is working their way to hearing a full rendition of me singing "Umbrella" in their office. I haven't yet decided if dancing will be involved but it's a real possibility and it wont' be pretty.
* your perfume is lovely. But a little bit goes a long way. There is no need to fill the entire hallway with your "come hither" scent. Save it for somewhere else...anywhere...just not here.

Just so you know...

* roast beef sandwiches are supposed to be made with mustard not mayo. A dill pickle on the side wouldn't be a sin either.
* badly is a word.
* sauerkraut is essentially rotting cabbage, it ferments for 12 days before it's ready to eat- thanks for the heads up, Jenny Mac.
* it is NOT appropriate to eat sardines in your office for lunch. The smell makes me want to vomit for the rest of the day.
* if I vomit from the smell of sardines, I will do it in the offender's garbage can if I can't make it to the restroom.
* I have decided to switch from flip flops to boots because I don't want to redo the polish on my toenails.
* a thong with lace in the back can be uncomfortable.

You Could Have Just Told Me

I recently got a hair cut. It was quite a drastic change...at least it feels like it to me. I went from long curly hair that came below my shoulders to an inverted bob that falls about an inch below my jaw line. Sometimes I wear it curly and sometimes I wear it straight. Mostly curly because straight is just too much work.

I like the new hair cut but I am certainly not the biggest fan of my new hair. I have been receiving compliments left right and centre. In fact, one lady at work couldn't stop telling me how much she just loved it. She told me in the morning and then later on she came back to tell me again when she heard someone else complimenting me on it. I seem to get at least one compliment a day. Yesterday someone told me my hair makes me look sassy. Hehehe...jokes on them because I am pretty sassy. My parents used to tell me so all the time.

I hope the compliments are sincere. However, the sheer volume of them makes me wonder....How bad was my hair before?!?! I mean really, I know it was kinda wild and unruly but it must have really looked like crap! Someone could have just suggested the hair cut along time ago and saved me the horror of walking around looking like a Sasquatch. Geesh.

You're Searching for Who on the What?!?!

A few months ago, I added a feature to this blog that shows where visitors are coming from and such. It is on the right hand side at the bottom. This feature provides me with much entertainment. At the bottom of the pane, you can click on "watch in real-time" and it shows where people are visiting from (don't worry it doesn't identify you. I have no idea who the faceless creepers are), how they arrived (either directly, from another blog, or from a google search for example) and how long ago they visited.

What I love most about this feature is seeing the people that arrive on the blog via a google search and which words/terms they were googling. Do you have any idea how many people end up on this blog by googling "topless sunbathing Jamaica"???? At least 1 per day. Someone even arrived by searching "topless jogging"...that the heck? I mean really....Ewww. There is good naked and bad naked. I have seen topless jogging and, take my word for it, it is bad naked.

I'll let you know if any other really good google search terms come up.

UPDATE - Holy hell someone arrived here by goolging "topless jogging" while I was writing this!!! What are the chances of that. Damn, if only they had waited a few minutes. Maybe they could have left a comment explaining WHY they were googling topless jogging. Enquiring minds want to know.

Big Day

Today is a big day for the Littlest Princess. Today is her first day of school. She was pretty excited this morning. She woke up at 6:18 am and wanted to leave right away. I had a difficult time getting her to wait until 8:40 to leave the house. when we arrived at the school, she jumped out of the car and ran to the door. We said hello to one of her teachers, Mrs. F., changed her shoes, and headed into the classroom.

JJ was still on a high when she entered the classroom. I shared a secret with her about one of her teachers that she thought was pretty cool. I told her that Mrs. F. likes to scrapbook. JJ was bouncing to tell Mrs. F that she scrapbooks as well. So she told her and we walked into the classroom.

We chose a seat at a table and then thing went downhill. JJ started to look around and realized she didn't know a single other child in the room. She knows kids who will be in her class but they start tomorrow - half the class goes today, the other half tomorrow, and they all go Thursday. I felt so bad for her. JJ is a very sensitive little girl but she keeps her feelings inside. I could see that she was getting nervous and anxious but she wouldn't say a word.

When it was time for the parents to leave, the kids all gathered on a carpet to listen to the teacher. I left the room and hung out in the hallway for a minute. She turned to looked at me a few times but she was fine. I'm looking forward to going to get her at 11 am to hear how she liked it. Regardless of her first impression today, I know she'll be excited for Thursday when she gets to see all the other children she knows. She's been talking about going to school with B, M, and her cousin, J for weeks now. She'll be fine. As long as she is happy then I'm happy.

UPDATE - JJ thought school was great. She said she will go back on Thursday when all of her "best buddies" will be there. However, she did not want to go to daycare after she was done school. As we were leaving the parking lot we had this conversation:
JJ - "So, Mama, what are we going to do now?"
Me - "I'm taking you to daycare and then I'm going to work."
JJ - "I don't want to go to daycare. I've learned enough for one day."

She is my child through and through.

Just a Little Something to Consider

Dressing in neon green from head to toe...without anything (belt, other color etc) to break up the greeness...makes you look like a walking, talking glow stick. A real treat for the eyes.

The Curse

I am totally cursed with seeing too much. As I've mentioned in the past, I notice things that most other people don't. It is a curse because sometimes I see things I don't want to see and then I'm stuck trying to figure out what to do.

One thing I continually see is people drinking in their cars at the liquor store. Have you ever noticed a person coming out of the liquor store and cracking open their goods right there in the car before pulling out? I'm sure some people have seen it once or twice. I see it almost every time I go to the liquor store lately. I'm sure I'm seeing it more often because I'm looking for it. It drives me crazy. I'm so torn over it. I want to call the police because my friends and family are out on those roads. But if I called the cops every time I saw that, they would start to think I was some sort of crazy drinking and driving vigilante who hangs out at the liquor store looking for offenders.

Tonight a greasy man in a silver Chev truck licence plate CNB 760 cracked open his pint of rum before he even closed the door to his truck. Oh, if you recognize this truck please get this asshat some help or give him a big FU for me. He really disturbs me because it was only 6:15 pm. It's only supper time and he can't wait until he at least gets home to get his drink on?

This guys behaviour enrages me. I have absolutely zero tolerance for drinking and driving. If he doesn't place any value on his life so be it. But pick a method to die that won't harm others. I don't care what happens to him. That may sound callous but its true, I really don't care. But I do care about the innocent victims he will harm when he finally, and he will, causes an accident. I hope he puts himself in a ditch and gets caught before he hurts someone other than himself.

Mr. Inappropriate - Appearing At Wendy's Today

JJ and I are on vacation this week. Yesterday we had a really fun day at Magic Mountain with some friends. Today we are doing little things to pass the rainy day. We booked her b-day party at the Clay Cafe, picked out the cake at the Superstore, and bought a little present for someone. All that brought us to lunch time so we decided to go to Wendy's.

We arrived at Wendy's just before the lunch rush. As luck would have it we ran into a friend there and ended up having someone to eat with. As JJ and I stood up to leave, an older man in a black Harley Davidson skull cap with flames, cut off jean shorts, a shirt unbuttoned to his navel with about 4 gold chains on display walks up to JJ. He makes a gun with his finger and thumb, puts his hand between her eyes like that and shoots her! He actually make the shooting sound and then said "Gotcha!" My jaw was on the floor. I was just about to inform him of how inappropriate he was and then he gives her a loonie. OH. MY. GOD.

How many ways can one person find to be inappropriate?!?! He shot my daughter between the eyes. Then gives her money. And he is a perfect stranger. Maybe he is a retiree looking to get into the pedophile business. I was flabbergasted. My daughter is rarely fearful of anything. I've had many many conversations with her urging her not to talk to strangers. Thank god she had the sense to be fearful of this freak and she hid behind me. At least he didn't ask her to help him find his lost puppy. Asshole.

I Think I Might be Dead

Well, I've been working 12-14 hour days since last Thursday and I'm not certain if I'm dead or alive. The muscles in the back of my body from my lower back to my feet not only hurt to use them, but they hurt to touch. This is the first time since last Thursday that I've had time to just sit here. At this moment, I'm watching furniture installers unload a tractor trailer full of stuff. I'm sure I won't be sitting long but it's a nice change for the usual 12 hours of constant running I've been doing.

I guess all this to say that I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. I'm just locked in a new office building 12-14 hours per day. Believe it or not, we're having fun and watchign the cute movers work isn't such a bad deal either. Yesterday I got to go for a drive in big tractor trailor truck. It was my first time being in one. Tuesday I won my very first filing cabinet race. No new "firsts" for me on Monday. I guess I'll soon see what today holds for me. My short break has ended because someone found me and my superpowers are needed. I'm off to move more boxes.

Bossy Pig

Sigh, I'm afraid my child is a bit stunted in some areas of her learning. Last night, she called called me a bossy pig. You maybe remember THIS but I swear it is out of character for her. She clearly does not understand. She kept apologizing for calling me bossy and saying "But I didn't call you the other kind of pig, you know snotty. I promise I'll never call you that kind of pig again." I tried to explain that to her that calling someone any kind of pig is not nice but she does not get it and I'm not sure I want to push it. I mean she is right in the sense that I am bossy. But I am not a pig....even if I do snort when I laugh really hard.

No Buts About It

Lately, it seems there is always one word that totally describes my day from a work standpoint and a personal standpoint. Often I'll just be sitting there and it'll come to me. One day it was "unwillingness" that term just seemed to fit everything about that day. Earlier this week it was "if" what if, I'll do this if, we'll do this if...blah, blah, blah IF! It's only 8:34 am and I already know today is "but". It started with me thinking I'll stay at my desk all day today. It wasn't in the office 5 minutes and.....BUT reared it's ugly head.

We're moving to our new office building soon and there is so much to do. I knew this would be a big project but I wasn't expecting to be this involved. It's been a great opportunity to learn about things I would never touch otherwise. However, it has also made it glaringly obvious to me that this line of work is not for me. I'm a client oriented kind of girl.

As part of this project, I have to manipulate a spread sheet that is going involved over 6300 entries...twice. I got the info yesterday and I put off starting it. It is a critical item and I must do it today. My plan was to sit at my desk all day and hammer it out BUT I had to go to something else within 5 minutes of my arrival. I should have started it when I got back from the other task BUT I needed to take a minute to simmer down for a few minutes first.

Now I'm done this post and geared up to start BUT I'm sure something else with come up. I can hardly wait for the BUT that comes up outside of work. It might go something like this "I wasn't going to park in your reserved parking space BUT..." My response might be "I wasn't going to kick your ass BUT...."

She's an Ecclectic Sort

This morning on the way to work, JJ was sitting in the backseat all decked out in her sunglasses. I told her she looked cool and she replied that she is a rockstar. Then she broke into Take me down to the paradise city, where the grass is green, and the girls are pretty. Oh won't you please take me home. Yeah, yeah.


Good ole Guns and Roses. Isn't that what all "I'm almost 5 you know" year olds are singing these days? She was hilarious. She was even doing that whiny Axl Rose voice and had the tune down perfectly. Axl Rose rises from the ashes one more time, reincarnated in the form of a blonde hair, green eyed, after-schooler.

My kid isn't all hard rock, you know. After her rendition of GNR, she effortlessly changed direction and sang a moving version of Tale as Old as Time from Beauty and the Beast. She followed up with Beach Baby and then finished with a self-composed song about sharing.

I believe a star has been born.

After-Schooler: Life at the Top of the Foodchain

Yesterday was JJ's first day back at daycare since last Friday. At our daycare, the kids change classes July 1 for the summer program. When we walked in yesterday, JJ went to her hook and basket and saw that her name was no longer there. She turned to Leonora, a staff member, and said "Where is my stuff?" Leonora said "Well, if I was an after-schooler, where would my stuff be?" JJ's face lit up like Christmas morning.

She is so excited that she is an after-schooler now. The after-schoolers are the big kids at daycare and she is stoked to be part of that club. Last night, JJ was diving into the pool and my dad told her that her dives were looking great. She responded "I am an after-schooler now, Grampie." From the way JJ tells it, it would seem that all good things are directly related to being an after-schooler.

I have no worries about JJ heading off to kindergarten in September. She is ready and very excited. Besides, she's an after-schooler now and apparently they have the world by the horns.

Snotty Pig

JJ and I were driving home the other day and she was eating an ice cream sandwich. We were just a few houses away from home and she offered me a bite of her ice cream sandwich. I said no thank you but she insisted. She handed me a small piece and I popped it in my mouth. The next thing I hear is "You snotty pig! You ate the rest of my ice cream sandwich!" said in her best disgusted voice. Holy hell! The car comes to a screeching halt in the driveway, as I try not to laugh, and I turn around and say "Excuse me?!?" Good god, she repeated it. I almost fell over. You'd think the car coming to an abrupt halt and my head almost flying off my shoulders would have been an indication that she said something inappropriate. Apparently, she was to disgusted with me to notice.

I proceeded to tell her that what she said was very inappropriate, that she will never say it again, and that she needed to apologize to me. JJ had different ideas. She informed me that she would "prefer to sit in the car and chit chat." I had to turn away from her to maintain my composure because I was about to dissolve into giggles. Once I had a handle on myself, I told her she would apologize or go straight to her room for the remainder of the night.

JJ eventually saw the light and apologized. But she also took the time to inform me that eating the remainder of her ice cream sandwich was highly inappropriate on my part.

3 days later and I still laugh when I think of those 2 little words - snotty pig. You have to know my child to understand that calling people names and having an attitude like that is absolutely not normal for her.

I Use the Term Lady Loosely

Dear Tim Horton's Worker Lady,

You're a bitch.

Princess

Canada Day...I just want to go to sleep now

Today was our annual Family Canada Day party. In the past few years, some of my cousins and their families have not attended but everyone was back full force this year and it was really nice. We had a few honorary families join us too - Hi Wards, MacDonalds, & Davises. I think there were more people there this year than ever before. But even with all those people it was pretty easy going. We have a ton of kids in our family but there are all getting bit older now so we can all relax a bit.

JJ and my little cousin, Gage, get along so well. He is a year or two older and such a little gentleman. He is rough and tumble but he is so sensitive and caring. The water in the pool was higher to day and, much to JJ's protest, I made her wear water wings because there were so many kids. She likes to dive and her wings came off a few times. When those water wings came off, Gage was the first one there to get them for her. He dove off the inflatable dolphin to get her water wing even though he knew he would lose the toy to another kid. Once both of her wings came off and JJ started to struggle. I was just about to dive into the pool to help her and all of a sudden Gage came charging across the pool, grabbed her, and brought her to the side. To put this in perspective, he is older but he is only an inch or two taller. He is "just" tall enough so the water is not over his head. Getting to JJ to help her was not a small feat for him. He is so sweet.

I told JJ I would take her to the fireworks. They don't start until 10:40 and I'm soooo tired. It's going to be a struggle to stay awake to take her. We certainly won't be staying for the whole thing.