Happy Part ???

I've written alot of these lately but I wanted to write because everyone else is doing it. I'm a day late and probably a dollar short but whatever.

Things that make me happy because I don't have the brain power to identify my strengths or weaknesses today:

- red socks as always
- my black Betty Rubble necklace. It completes any outfit but it can also be an outfit all on its own.
- afternoon coffee runs
- my bed
- JJ's bubbly happiness and endless affection
- forgiveness

Damn McDonalds!

Every Tuesday I stop and get JJ fast food for supper because we have to be out of the house before 6pm for dance class. I let her choose where she wants to go. Because of the super awesome princess toys at McDonald's right now, that is where we have gone the past few times.

McDonald's on Main St is painfully slow and is my last choice for Tuesday evenings. This week, I could see the girl with my bags in her hand and she was standing there having a conversation with someone. My blood pressure began to rise and my blood quickly started to boil. Finally I popped and said "Shit, give me my food already!" The window was closed so she didn't hear.

However the adorable 4.5 year old in the backseat heard me very clearly and said "Momma, what does she mean?"
I said "I don't know but it's not nice so let's never say it."
JJ said "Okay, Mom."

We carry on our drive home with smiles and no further profanity. As we drove into the driveway she said to me "Momma, I think I know what shit means."
I said "Yeah? Well, let's not say it. It's not a nice word"
JJ said "I know Momma. That's why I'll say ship instead."

Greeeaaat. Somehow I'm thinking when she stubs her toe and daycare and says "Oh, SHIP!" it won't go over much better.

Random Tidbits

* I much prefered the dill pickle to the carrots with my bagel at lunch.

* My kid is so cute that she puts the rest to shame. Oh, and kind too.

* My father is the driving force behind my ever growing muffin top.

* I will need new pants soon if I don't move out of my parent's house.

* I move out of their house next Wed. They have been super over the last 2 months with us staying there.

* Women's washrooms are gross.

* I want more coffee but I will not walk anywhere to get it.

* I learned to knit (again) on Saturday.

* Myself and a few friends WILL go to an NKOTB concert if they come as close as Toronto. But we might fly to Vegas for it too. We'll see.

* What happens on the road, stays on the road.

* I want to wear my new flip flops.

* I'm lazy.

Decisions, Decisions

I'm getting together with some friends tonight. I just cannot decide if I should wear the Hannah Montana ring I found at the bottom of my purse or not. I mean is does have a built it lip gloss.

Seeing

I can be naive at times and far too trusting. I have a hard time believe that someone would purposely want to hurt me or take advantage of me. That's because I would never do it to anyone else. Yes, I may deliver a jab or a barb here and there out of hurt. But I would never maliciously set out to hurt someone. I wrote about my daughter's daycare troubles awhile back. She is my daughter through and through.
I can think of a couple of sitation in my life right now that concern me. I've spent alot of time thinking about them the last few days. I keep wondering over and over if I'm just completely blind to what is really going on. Can I really trust what is going on? Or am I going to come out on the losing end?

Sometimes I have a hard time seeing what is right in front of my face. But I would rather take the risk than miss out on something good. I have a feeling I might want to invest in a helmet and some knee pads. I think I'll need them for the rest of my life.

Easter Miracle

My daughter experienced an easter miracle about 30 minutes ago. The miracle was the fact that I did not kill her in the middle of the front yard. There may be another miracle in early April if my father doesn't kill me when he arrives home from Florida.
JJ and I were out in the front yard playing in the snow. A friend of mine who shall remain nameless but lives 2 door down, gave me the idea to fill spray bottles with water and food coloring to spray the snow. We were having a grand time and I specifically told the child not to spray anything but the snow. Holy hell she sprayed the house.

SHE SPRAYED THE WHITE HOUSE.

Who knew that vinyl siding sucks up food coloring and water like a sponge? I do now. I spent the last 30 minutes scrubbing the side of the house with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser and then bleach pen. Neither one worked perfectly. My father is going to have kittens.

You may want to pop by to say your goodbyes in the next two weeks. After that point I will likely be heavily embedded in the witness protection program.

Royally Cute

I may be a bit biased but I think THIS is by far the best front page story I have ever seen in The Daily Gleaner. I may be biased but that is my right as a parent. She's destined for stardom. Again, I maybe biased but I alright with that.

Multi-functional

Remember awhile back I posted this? It turns out my skirt and boots are multi-functional! Tuesday morning I discovered they double as a "taking out the garbage skirt and boots". I navigated my way down the icy driveway in a skirt and 3 inch heels. All the while pulling the Trius garbage dolly behind me. I'm sure the old man next door took one look at that, turned to his sister who lives with him and said "That's hot." Then went and poured himself a second cup of coffee and watched Canada AM.

Alive and Well...imainge that!

Here we are exactly one week later and I'm recovering. This morning I noticed that the sores in my throat are gone. My throat is still a bit tender but nothing serious - woo hoo!!! I have some eating to do to make up for lost time. My muffin top has been suffering from this.

I saw my doctor on Friday morning. They didn't call me back Thursday because they were still trying to get the results from my swap from the microbiology lab. I guess there were some issues with it. I heard my doctor get on the phone and ask, in a not so friendly way, what the hold up was with my swab. He and his staff were not impressed about the wait. When he came in the room, he looked my my throat and said "Well, that's nice and pussy." I was full of pus and infection in my throat, ears, and glands (or something like that). I was in so much pain that I didn't really care. He gave me some penicillin for the infection and some Tylenol 3 for the pain. I really like my doctor. He doesn't mess around and he likes to prescribe stuff :) I don't normally like to take meds but, holy hell, something had to give.

I'm still tired today but I'm not in pain. I'm going to take it easy today and tomorrow I'm back full force. I'm looking forward to going back to work. I'm looking forward to seeing my girls...my god it's been weeks. I'm looking forward to Easter with JJ next weekend. Today I'm going to make some cute little baskets to fill with candy for her.

My Own Private Hell

I'm still sick and I'm not getting any better. In fact, the sores have now taken over my entire throat and my tongue. I'll survive but I'm miserable. I'm so hungry but the pain overrides the need to eat. Today I've had a popsicle, coffee, 2 yogurts (I was surprised at the pain that caused) and water. So, so, so much water. If you hear in the news that water tables in the city are low, it's probably my fault.

In addition to my pain,I'm completely totally bored of my skull. I have no desire for visitors because it's hurts to talk. I've scrapbook, I've read, I've been online. Not only am I bored, I'm a sucker for punishment. I find myself watching cooking shows and reading cookbooks. What is up with that?!?!?! I'm torturing myself but I can't help it. It's no secret that I have a huge appetite. I'm always the first in line for food and I always go back for more. There have been a few stories float around about my eating habits, how much I eat, and often I eat. You make yourself an extra sandwich at lunch and pack it away for later at one crop and all of a sudden you have a reputation. Geesh.

The other night I was up late watching TV because my throat hurt too much to sleep. I was watching Tori and Dean - Inn Love (I know...bad TV). Anyway, they are starting a new business - french fries with all kinds of different dipping sauces. I've been craving that for 2 days now because of that show. I want fries and different dipping sauces.

I've been craving all sorts of odd things, simply because I can't eat anything. I've never had a chili dog in my life but I was craving one today. Basically anything I see on TV....I want. I'm going to go watch Survivor. At least those people aren't eating much more than I am.

Oh, and from what I'm told, hunger and pain make me pissy and distant ;)

That's Nasty!

I went to the doctor this morning and it looks like I was right about my throat. The sores look like canker sores but they did a swab just in case.

I stayed home from work today and as soon as JJ walked through the door she went into nurse mode. She is so cute and caring. She took off her coat and took my by the hand into the living room. She climbed on up on my knee and said "Let me feel your forehead, Mama. Yup, you still have a fever. Do you still hurt all over?" I told her that yes I hurt all over but my throat really hurts. True to form, she asked to see and I let her. She took one look inside my mouth at my throat and said "That's nasty!" So there you have it. If a 4 year old thinks it looks bad than it must be.

Thanks for all the get well wishes. FYI - Shelley is pretty ill too. She's sick a dog and headed to bed but called to see if I need anything. Can you send some get well wishes her way too?

Misery

Misery describes what I feel right now. I'm so sick. My throat started to hurt a bit last night before I went to bed. But I wasn't concerned because I've been spending alot of time downstairs and it gets dry down here with the pellet stove. The dryness often makes my throat tickle.

My throat still hurt this morning when I got up and it was a familiar pain. I went straight to the mirror to take a look and my fears were confirmed. A year ago this past September, I was really sick with a nasty sore throat. I went to the ER in Oromocto and got some meds for strep throat. Three days later the meds still had done nothing to help. So I went to the after hours clinic to get checked out. It turns out it wasn't strep at all. I have a virus (I think it's a virus) that lives in my body. It stays dormant for awhile and then comes to life whenever it feels like it.

This awesome (note the sarcasm) little friend of mine gives me sores, similar to canker sores, all up and down my throat. It's similar to cold sores - it's not contagious just some people get them and others don't. If you get cold sores, it's a virus (again I'm not sure if that's the proper term) that lies dormant in your system and comes out once in a while. My little friend tends to appear when I'm run down and stressed.

The pain from this is unreal. I've had strep throat and tonsillitis at the same time and I'd take that combo over this virus any day. If you get canker sores, and I do, you know how painful one can be. Now imagine your entire throat covered in them. Get the disgusting and very painful idea?

I'm in pain, I'm hungry but I can't/don't want to eat, I'm freezing cold, my entire body hurts, and I'm tired but can't sleep because it hurts. The last time I had this I was home from work for a full week. All I want is a hug. Damn.

Living It Up

Yesterday after work, I was outside for 25 minutes wearing only a sweater. Mind you I was chiseling away the ice that was in front of the shed door. Let me back up and tell you about that little adventure. I'm staying at my parent's house right now...they're in Florida until early April. The main source of heat in the house is the pellet stove. I love the stove but it is a fair amount of work. I needed to get pellets from the shed last night so away I went.

First I had to to walk down the path the through the backyard to the shed. The path was sheer ice but I made it to the bottom in one piece. However, once I got there I realized that water also travels downhill where it pools and then freezes at the base of the door. Therefore, making it impossible to get the door open. That is where the 25 minutes of hammering at the ice with a shovel came in. I finally got the door open enough to squeeze me and my ever growing muffin top through.

Once inside, I had to get behind a glass table and pull out the bags of pellets that weighs at least 50 lbs. I squeezed them through the opening at the doorway. Then I had to try to drag my sorry, out of shape ass, AND the pellets up the death trap of a path to the house. Once I got them in the house, I had to throw the bag down in the basement. I did this 3 times before I ran out of steam. I waited about 3 hours before I stacked the pellets by the stove.

Lucky me I get to repeat this in only 3 days!!!!

Tomorrow I will turn off the stove to clean it and then restart it. I really know how to live it up. I like the heat from the stove so I can't complain. It's a labour of love.

Mama Bear

I don't normally talk about this stuff on here but I'm really upset today.

My daughter is 4 and a half years old and a very gentle, affectionate, loving, and sensitive soul. She feels emotions very intensely. She is quick to show love, friendship, and to care for others. The flip side is that her feelings are easily hurt. She is not one to hurt the feelings of others and doesn't quite understand how/why others would do that to her. She is not one to retaliate at all...this point will be important later in the story. She doesn't really cry easily but when she's hurt you can see her head and her eyes fall to the ground. You can't miss it.

She has a history with a couple of girls at daycare. It is recognized by the staff as being an issue and they keep an eye on it. I understand that my child can be part of the problem. She is not an angel. But the daycare staff has told me that there is a "distinct meanness" involved with one of the other girls.

Today I witnessed behaviour that I couldn't even imagine could come from a 4 year old. In the interest of privacy, and a long winded story, I'm not going to repeat the whole thing. It started with my daughter showing interest in what the other child was saying and making a comment to show her interested. The other child responded with a tone nothing short of bitchy and it just went down hill. When my daughter spoke to her again, the child actually started screaming and flailing around. I thought she was going to throw herself to the ground. All because my daughter spoke to her.

Do you know how my daughter responded to that shitty rejection? She was concerned because she upset the other child and wanted to give her a butterfly kiss to make her feel better. My child was treated like a piece of shit and still wanted to tell her she loves her and give her a butterfly kiss. Of course that comment, just got her more screaming.

My daughter was crushed and started to cry. She was crying real tears with her chin trembling. I know, you want to know what the other parent did. She told the child to say no thank you nicely. My child is a puddle of crushed feelings and rejection in my arms and that is the response? I'm so upset that my heart is racing and I'm fighting back tears as I type this.

My daughter has been through so much pain and heart ache over the past few weeks. This incident just crushed me. I stood there and stared at the other parent in anger. I just stood there and said nothing. Because, unfortunately, that's what I do. I do nothing. Well, that just ended today. On the way home, I told my daughter this "JJ, I'm very sorry about what just happened with Suzie. I know your feelings are very hurt. I promise I will never again just stand there and watch that happen. Ever."

What is the right thing to say? Did she understand? I have no idea on either count. But mark my works, I will NEVER keep my mouth shut again. What's the worst thing that happens? I lose a friend? A daycare parent thinks ill of me? Bring it, because she's worth it.

The incident took place outside at the end of the driveway. If the daycare owner had witnessed this she would have intervened. I know that I haven't captured the incident well with my description but let me tell you it was nasty. Nasty isn't even close to a good description. The behaviour was deplorable and cruel. When I drop my daughter off at daycare tomorrow, I will be addressing the incident. It didn't happen on their watch but I never want to find out that type of thing happened again and that child was told to say no thank you. That child is a bully and has been for the last 2 years.

I'm angry and hurting for my daughter and my Mama Bear Claws are out. The daycare knows me as being calm and even tempered. That will work in my favour. When I speak and show concern they will take me seriously because I don't normally make waves. I was hoping writing about this would make me feel better but it hasn't.

Wanted

Wanted - one set of full body armour. Needed by 5:50 pm today! I can allow more time as long as you have it to the Aitken Centre by the time the puck drops tonight.

That's right. I said by the time the puck drops tonight. The Princess is headed to another hockey game. It's the battle of the hill in the playoffs. Shelley called this morning and asked if I wanted to go to the UNB/STU hockey game. JJ is with her dad this week so I thought it sounded like fun. However, first I asked her "Are you sure you want ME to go?" She said she wasn't sure but I'm invited anyway. I'm really looking forward to it. The last game I attended was exciting with the overtime and shoot out.

Now, back to the important task at hand. FULL BODY ARMOUR. Someone please! Knuckles Whalen beat the crap out of me last time. If nobody can help me, I may be forced to steal hockey pants from one of the players. For my protection, of course.

Okay, I have to go fix my hair and get "hockey ready". Watch out hockey fans, the Princess is on her way. Score!!!!

The Proof is in the Pudding

And all the proof points to the fact that I am a complete geek. I was sitting here scrapbooking this morning and heard something about human rights on the radio. Of course, that made me start thinking. You know what? I am such a geek that I actually have 2 favourite sections in the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. I kid you not. In fact, they've been my favourites for a long time. I know some of you already know this.

Both of my favourites fall under the term Legal Rights.

The first is section 8 - Everyone has the right to be secure against unreasonable search or seizure. I like this one because I like the challenge of trying to find loop holes and such. I remember an example of this that a professor gave in university and it goes like this. There is a house for sale and the police suspect they sellers have stolen art inside. The police could not pose as potential buyers to go check out the place. There is much more to it than that but that's a quick example.

My other favourite is section 11 (d) - Any person charged with an offence has the right to be presumed innocent until proven guilty according to law in a fair and public hearing by an independent and impartial tribunal. This one makes me so appreciative that I live in Canada. I'm positive that many Canadian take this right for granted. I cannot imagine living in a country where you could be put to death or punished in any way just because someone thought you did something. There are many places/countries that if the powers that be decide you did something...you did it. Whether there is proof or not. I can't even imagine what that is like.

Anyway, there you have it. Two quick paragraphs that completely prove my geekiness. I can't help it. I've always loved Charter issues and Human Rights issues because of the challenge in the interpretation. Everybody has their thing and that is mine.

I'm going leave my "pet sections" for the day and do some scrapbooking. Then Shelley and I are going to take a stab at making Jay's delicious Thai mussels. If we can figure out the damn lemongrass. :)

Kindred Spirits

I've heard the term Kindred Spirits a number of times over the last week or so. I heard it again last night while watching Big Brother and I realized that I have never really known exactly what it means. I understood the general idea but not the exact definition. After hearing it last night, I decided to find out today.

Kindred Spirit - someone who feels and thinks the way you do.

It along the lines of what I thought but not quite exactly. I know that I have a perfect match as a kindred spirit. Of course there are a few others as well. But one exact match. Fun!

Hi

Hi. I've been MIA for awhile now. The truth is that I just don't have much to say. Life has been pretty crazy and, unfortunately, it has pretty much killed any creativity or fun in my head.

Everything going on makes me step back an evaluate my things in life. It also makes me take a look at priorities. I've been on a bumpy road for a long time now. I've made some pretty big changes and the road will even out eventually. I'm sure I'll be a happier person in the end.

Thank goodness for the support of my friends and family. I'm lucky to have friends who are there to whisk me away at just the right time. And friends who are able to help keep things normal and on an even keel. I'm doing quite well but I still need you and appreciate you.

Well Big Brother will be on soon and I'm going to go watch. Quite frankly, I've turned watching the dysfunction of others in to a sport.

Things I Dislike

Since I listed things I love, I've decided to list thing I don't love:

* cooked carrots - the smell even makes me feel vomitous
* drivers who turn into the outside lane on the bridge in the morning - enough said
* the snow - sorry I just can't bring myself to like it
* mint flavour - the 3 exeptions being the blistex and the flavour shot in my coffee
* sucker or lollipops - the make me gag
* butter - it's a consistency issue
* being cold at night
* Grey's Anatomy reruns

Those are the items on my mind right now.

My Loves

Here is a list of things I love right now:

* Laying on the couch and getting myself in there just as tightly as I can
* Mint Blistex...it is really a mild addiction
* Tim's coffee - large triple, triple with a mint flavour shot. Sugar in a coffee cup
* Red fuzzy socks...not new but still hanging on
* Sanding the walls - not really but maybe if I keep telling myself....
* Mid-afternoon runs to get fastfood
* Hoodies
* Reading
* JJ telling me that she wants to be with me all the time
* The very brief time during the day when all thoughts disappear from my head
* Multi grain Tostitos...it has nothing to do with health. Chips are chips but these are just so crunchy!
* Butter chicken from the Superstore
* Re-runs of Paradise Island. I make no apologies for my poor taste in TV. None!

Hmm...short list.