Observations of the Random Variety

My sister is snarky.

S'Mores

OMG...I want s'mores so badly that it might just kill me. I've been craving them since yesterday. Normally my cravings don't last this long. I know, I know...just go get the stuff to make them. But somehow toasting a marshmallow over my stove burner by myself doesn't seem like such a good time. Damn S'mores!

Is It or Isn't It?

I was at the mall at lunch time and I found myself having that age old debate - Is it or Isn't it? Is it a shirt or a damn dress? Which one is it?!?!?! Because I'd be so embarrassed to find out I was wearing a shirt that was really a dress. Imagine the horror. I must ask the question - Can anyone really tell if its a dress or a shirt?

These days shirt length has come down quite a bit and I thank the fashion gods for that. However, skirt/dress has come way up. As of Saturday night, I know the dangers of having a dress that is too short. After watching me try to get in a half ton truck at 2 am...there are a few other people who are aware as well. Oops.

I finally gave up at the mall. I bought a pair of shorts and I'm not sure what I'll wear on top. Maybe I'll just say to hell with it all and put on my best tube top/mini skirt and call it a day.

That Poor Girl!

JJ is with her father this week but had supper with me last night. She talked my ear off the whole time and it was great. She told me that she wants to be just like me when she grows up (must the the arse darts with hot firemen that swayed her). She continued on to say that we can be twins because we both have the exact same curly hair but in different colours. I told her she was growing up so fast and she looked at me and said "I know Mom, I'm almost 5."

After supper, JJ and I went to Dairy Queen. JJ has been asking for a Brownie Explosion Waffle Bowl for weeks. It's huge and she ate the whole thing. I have pics to prove it but I don't know how to get them off my phone. You'll just have to use your imagination.

JJ was eating along and all of a sudden got a look on her face that was purely sympathetic. Then she said "Oh no Mommy! That girl has holes in her capris! That poor, poor girl!" I looked over and one of the girls behind the counter was wearing capri pants with the so very fashionable holes and rips. I held in my laughter as I agree with my sweet and very concerned daughter.

Oh What a Night!

So what were you all doing at 1 am this morning? It just so happens that Shelley and I were playing arse darts in a parking lot with some hot firemen. Yup, we were. So take that JennyMac and Stacey! I actually declined to participate but thoroughly enjoyed being a spectator. Shelley was right in there judging who dropped their toonies closest to the line.

Ahh...yesterday my sweet cousin Stephanie married her sweet fiance Trent. They are both wonderful people and I'm so excited for them. I've been looking forward to this wedding for a long time and for alot of different reasons. I couldn't wait for Stephanie to have her special day. She and Trent very much deserve their day.

I was very excited for a good family get together. I've mentioned in the past that my family always has fun and last night did not disappoint.

Jan - the hair is gorgeous. Really, I love it. I loved lounging on the couch drinking Slings and mixing them in the back of our father's cars. Somethings never change. The tiaras were an awesome idea. I'm sorry you missed the arse darts. But rest assured that at least once I yelled out "Janet would sooo love this!!!!"

Dad - thanks for always paking the mobile bar. Nuff said.

Tracy - what can I say. I can't begin to tell you how much fun I had last night. You are one friendly lady and I could dance with you all night. Some day, I would like to know what you were saying to the hot firemen while pointing at me. I should also apologize for pretending to be you in the bathroom. But at least I didn't throw away your shirt. You were looking hot last night. But apparently you need some pants in a smaller size.

Jen - Shawnee and I are sorry about your phone. However, I feel this is a good lesson. Never leave your phone unattended around drunk people. It could have been worse. Also, I'm sorry you were cold. Thanks for lending me your pashmina.

Shawnee - Dear, dear Shawnee...you my girl have the patience of a saint. You have so many good qualities that I don't know where to start. You are up for anything and I had a great time on the dance floor with you. Thank goodness you knew how to work that phone (being sober probably helped) or we never could have taken those pictures. Thanks for driving Tracy home. I'm glad you both were able to stay and party with us.

Shelley - Ah, Shelley. I'm so glad you decided to come to the dance. You looked AWESOME! That new drink you introduced me too was the bomb. Though when I first woke up at 5:30 this morning I wasn't sure I'd be thanking you. Luckily it all worked out well in the end. I have things to say to you. 1) I'm proud of you for asking. 2) 47?!?!?!?!?!?!

I had so much fun last night. My first tailgate party (sorry Steph) and game of arse darts (with hot firemen!) in one night. What more could a Princess ask for?

Can't Be Looking Good...

I usually bring coffee with me every morning but today that didn't work out. JJ is so tired from staying up way later than usual because of the dance show. This morning was a struggle to get out of the house on time and coffee was the item I scarificed for time. As a result, I went to the deli across the street to get some coffee once I got to work.

I walked in and chit chatted with a co-worker and then placed my order for a large coffee and white toast. I haven't had toast forever and I had a craving. The deli owner got my order together and when I pay he looked at me and said "Are you hung over this morning?"

Good god. I soooo should have spent more time on my hair this morning.

I'm Sure It's a Money Making Scheme

That Littlest Princess of mine, she's a tricky little thing. She had been obsessed with money lately. For the record, toonies are her favourite money. In her words, "I love the silver ones with the golden in the middle. I love them so much I will never trade them in, Momma. Never." Okay, as long as we're clear on that.

Make sure you keep your money close to you when my kid is around. She'll swipe before you can even blink and do it with a smile on her face. She is also very persuasive when it comes to asking for your money. It's very difficult to say no to those cute dimples, shining green eyes, and golden curls. But my cute little girl is not exactly trusting. She has a bank account but refuses to put her money in the bank. Nope, she needs to keep it where she can look at it, feel it, and wash it. She's into money laundering...very literally.

Tonight she was eating a pear while I was doing her hair for the dance show and she said "Ouch!" I thought I pulled her hair but she said her teeth hurt. I immediately wondered if she smashed her face into something again but she said she didn't. I started feeling around and sure enough she has 2 loose teeth on the bottom in the very front. She isn't even 5 years old yet. But just today I noticed one of the little girls in her daycare class has lost 2 teeth already.

Of course, JJ was super excited about the loose teeth. She is so excited for the tooth fairy to leave her money that she is beside herself. She's in bed but I'm sure she'll be working those teeth ALL night long. She wanted an apple so she could loosen them some more. I told her just to relax and let them come out on their own.

My child is special. Other than the obvious reasons, she is special because she has an extra tooth. In between her two pointy teeth (I know, I know...very technical) on the bottom she has 5 teeth instead of the normal four. Leave it to my child to have an extra tooth to get more money out of the tooth fairy. It's all a money making scheme I tell you.

True Friendship

Today may be the day that your true friendship with me is put the the test. Today may be the day that I will find out who really cares about me and how much you are willing to sacrifice for me.

You see, I've been wanting to punch a few people for about a week now. Not only that, I want to really kick them hard once they fall. Each day this urge gets increasingly worse. Today maybe the day.

Where do you come in? Rest assured that if you are reading this, you are not a candidate for the beating. No, if you area reading this I will need you to post bail for me. You will leave work (because believe me it'll happen during work hours) and pool whatever money you have to get me out of jail. You must not be shy to take money from the family food budget, take the bus because you'll need to throw your gas money into the pot, and let your child roam without a diaper because we're going to need that money too. This is advanced warning that you should cancel your spa and hair appt...we're going to need those funds. Don't be afraid to join forces. I'm not suggesting this needs to be a one person show. No, no...call all your friends.

Did I mention I might need a good lawyer too? Start fundraising now. I know you're resourceful. GO!!!!

Beautiful on the Inside and Out

***Fair warning - this post is most definitely an "over share"***

Today I had the super experience of having a colsposcopy (not sure I spelled that right) at the hospital. For those you who have not had the misfortune of this procedure, let me tell you what it is. Basically, the doctor takes a look at your cervix because you've had tests come back showing abnormal cells. Then they treat you or not depending on what they find.

The doctor doing my procedure was a Chatty Cathy. I wasn't too concerned when I walked in because lots of poeple I know have had this done. Plus, I'm very good at practiced indifference. So I get myself up on the table and she starts her business. She gets all set up, takes a look, and says "You have a beautiful cervix." What do you say back to that?!?! I said "Thanks." It has now been confirmed that I am beautiful on the inside. How many of you can say that???

I had to have a biopsy which didn't feel good. She had to do it twice so I didn't feel good twice. Now it hurts to sit down. But what matters is that I'm beautiful on the inside.

Random Observations

Again this is a topic I've covered recently but some things are just worth sharing and they don't always mesh into one neat package.

Today as I was coming out of the washroom, guy pulled a Dairy Queen bag off a shelf in front of the washroom, looked it in and said "Fucker!" I noticed the bag the other day and when I witness this, I cracked up. I couldn't even stop myself. I have no idea what his reaction was for. I prefer to assume that "Fucker!" could be interpreted as "Dammit! That's where I left my lunch Tuesday afternoon!"

On another trip the washroom, I was totally amused by the person in the next stall singing the whole time they were in there. When I say amused, I do not mean that I was in awe of their ability. It was more me giggling wondering "Why?".

Yesterday I was out on home visits in a rural area and saw two things that caught my eye.

The first was a house where the occupants had painted their last name over the door in large black letters......and had X-mas light around it. I'm all for seeing your name in lights but this takes it to a whole new level.

The second thing is the sheer volume of old large freezers at the end of driveways with "GARBAGE BIN" spray painted on the side. Thanks for the heads up folks because I almost mistook that rusted piece of crap for some classy outdoor decor. Phewf, close call.

This is an addition after returning of the washroom this afternoon - Navel bearing shirts are not appropriate for the office ANY day of the week.

Mud Slinging

My daughter may not look like me. But I am reminded on a very regular basis that is a perfect little Mini-Me when it comes to personality.

We had a conversation on the way to work this morning that went like this:
Me: JJ if you go outside to play this morning, I want you to wear both parts of your jacket please. It's on your hook at daycare.
JJ: No, its on the floor under my feet.
Me: Let's make sure to take it inside with us.
JJ: (very dramatically) Oh, Mommmy! My beautiful (emphasis here) blue jacket!!
Me: What's wrong?
JJ: Hannah (fake name) threw mud on my beautiful (emphasis again) blue jacket.
Me: That wasn't very nice. What happened in the end?
JJ: I let her know how it would feel if I threw mud at her.
Me: Uh huh, how did you do that?
JJ: I threw sand at her.
Me: I would hope that you are both done throwing things at each other now.
JJ: (with attitude. in fact picture a hair flip and finger point with this one) I would too.

I can justify just about anything. Anyone who has been shopping with me can vouch for this skill of mine. I'm not at all surprise that my daughter so easily justified throwing sand. Justification, valid or not, is a skill she comes by naturally.

Flood Update

Said in my best whiny voice - The water stinks and it makes me cold to stand beside. It's going to rain soon and I don't have cute rubber boots.

Flood Watch 2008

Today was another warm sunny day and JennyMac and I decided we needed a walk and a snack around 2:30. We got each got a brownie iced cap from Tims - not sure about drinks I have to chew but I'm open to new things - and a donut. We took a detour getting back to work and she suggested we go check out the flooding river behind our building. Of course I was all over that! So out back we go only to discover a snow bank blocking our view. Well sorta, the water was beginning to come around the snow bank but we couldn't see the boat hut. What else could we do but climb the snow bank? Me in 3 inch high heels. I don't care what anyone says, high heel boots are appropriate for construction site tours, shovelling snow, and climbing snow banks to watch fast moving flood waters. This list WILL grow and I will keep you informed of additions.

Anyway, we are on our now mountain cracking jokes and all of a sudden JennyMac laughs and tells me it caused a snot bubble to come out her nose. It was very funny but would have been funnier had she turned to me so I could see it. After that we made intelligent, not at all ridiculous chit chat about the water and it's encroachment on the parking lot. We got laughing quite hard and then came the inevitable.....

I fell off the snow mountain. Thank goodness I missed the nasty stagnant water pooled at the base. Really it was bound to happened and needless to say my expedition partner had very little sympathy for me. In hind sight, perhaps I shouldn't have laughed so hard at her snot bubble.

Ahhh break time in the spring time. The entertainment possibilities are endless. I think tomorrow I will take my camera. Who knows what fun we could catch on camera if the flood waters peak as fore casted.

I know you're all waiting with unbridled anticipation. I can only guess that there might be some wet feet involved. It's all part of Flood Watch 2008 (mountain climbing expedition included for a limited time).

Happy Part ???

I've written alot of these lately but I wanted to write because everyone else is doing it. I'm a day late and probably a dollar short but whatever.

Things that make me happy because I don't have the brain power to identify my strengths or weaknesses today:

- red socks as always
- my black Betty Rubble necklace. It completes any outfit but it can also be an outfit all on its own.
- afternoon coffee runs
- my bed
- JJ's bubbly happiness and endless affection
- forgiveness

Damn McDonalds!

Every Tuesday I stop and get JJ fast food for supper because we have to be out of the house before 6pm for dance class. I let her choose where she wants to go. Because of the super awesome princess toys at McDonald's right now, that is where we have gone the past few times.

McDonald's on Main St is painfully slow and is my last choice for Tuesday evenings. This week, I could see the girl with my bags in her hand and she was standing there having a conversation with someone. My blood pressure began to rise and my blood quickly started to boil. Finally I popped and said "Shit, give me my food already!" The window was closed so she didn't hear.

However the adorable 4.5 year old in the backseat heard me very clearly and said "Momma, what does she mean?"
I said "I don't know but it's not nice so let's never say it."
JJ said "Okay, Mom."

We carry on our drive home with smiles and no further profanity. As we drove into the driveway she said to me "Momma, I think I know what shit means."
I said "Yeah? Well, let's not say it. It's not a nice word"
JJ said "I know Momma. That's why I'll say ship instead."

Greeeaaat. Somehow I'm thinking when she stubs her toe and daycare and says "Oh, SHIP!" it won't go over much better.

Random Tidbits

* I much prefered the dill pickle to the carrots with my bagel at lunch.

* My kid is so cute that she puts the rest to shame. Oh, and kind too.

* My father is the driving force behind my ever growing muffin top.

* I will need new pants soon if I don't move out of my parent's house.

* I move out of their house next Wed. They have been super over the last 2 months with us staying there.

* Women's washrooms are gross.

* I want more coffee but I will not walk anywhere to get it.

* I learned to knit (again) on Saturday.

* Myself and a few friends WILL go to an NKOTB concert if they come as close as Toronto. But we might fly to Vegas for it too. We'll see.

* What happens on the road, stays on the road.

* I want to wear my new flip flops.

* I'm lazy.

Decisions, Decisions

I'm getting together with some friends tonight. I just cannot decide if I should wear the Hannah Montana ring I found at the bottom of my purse or not. I mean is does have a built it lip gloss.

Seeing

I can be naive at times and far too trusting. I have a hard time believe that someone would purposely want to hurt me or take advantage of me. That's because I would never do it to anyone else. Yes, I may deliver a jab or a barb here and there out of hurt. But I would never maliciously set out to hurt someone. I wrote about my daughter's daycare troubles awhile back. She is my daughter through and through.
I can think of a couple of sitation in my life right now that concern me. I've spent alot of time thinking about them the last few days. I keep wondering over and over if I'm just completely blind to what is really going on. Can I really trust what is going on? Or am I going to come out on the losing end?

Sometimes I have a hard time seeing what is right in front of my face. But I would rather take the risk than miss out on something good. I have a feeling I might want to invest in a helmet and some knee pads. I think I'll need them for the rest of my life.

Easter Miracle

My daughter experienced an easter miracle about 30 minutes ago. The miracle was the fact that I did not kill her in the middle of the front yard. There may be another miracle in early April if my father doesn't kill me when he arrives home from Florida.
JJ and I were out in the front yard playing in the snow. A friend of mine who shall remain nameless but lives 2 door down, gave me the idea to fill spray bottles with water and food coloring to spray the snow. We were having a grand time and I specifically told the child not to spray anything but the snow. Holy hell she sprayed the house.

SHE SPRAYED THE WHITE HOUSE.

Who knew that vinyl siding sucks up food coloring and water like a sponge? I do now. I spent the last 30 minutes scrubbing the side of the house with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser and then bleach pen. Neither one worked perfectly. My father is going to have kittens.

You may want to pop by to say your goodbyes in the next two weeks. After that point I will likely be heavily embedded in the witness protection program.

Royally Cute

I may be a bit biased but I think THIS is by far the best front page story I have ever seen in The Daily Gleaner. I may be biased but that is my right as a parent. She's destined for stardom. Again, I maybe biased but I alright with that.