Yes, it's true. I know how to lose weight. I do plan to share my secrets with you in the paragraphs to come but only because I love you all so much. Granted, I love some more than others ;) Really, I should be charging mountains of money for these secrets because weight loss is a hopping and profitable industry. Having entered into the Biggest Loser weight loss contest, I have this all down to a science. So get a pen and paper, sit back, and take some notes.
1- This first point is by far the most important because many of my other weight loss tips branch off of this one. You need to go out and get yourself some sort of undiagnosed stomach problem that cause immense amounts of pain. I find this helps to curb my appetite. It's free and far more effective than anything you'll find in pill form. It also makest whole self-control thing a non issue.
2- If by chance your stomach does not hurt for a certain amount of time than take the bull by the horns. Eat things that you know will make your stomach hurt. Common sense be damned! Eat that broccoli and you'll be back in business. See #1.
3- Buy some cute new sneakers. Hey, you at least have to LOOK the part, right?
4- At weigh in, strip down to your undies in the store washroom. I take my weigh-ins SO seriously, that I've been known to take off my sunglasses and watch as well. Unfortunately, I am not disciplined enough to shave my head. Sadly, I think my hair adds 5 lbs. I will give myself a stern talking to and maybe next week I'll take the plunge. Shame on me for a lack commitment.
5 - Make sure you pee before you step on that scale. I weighed-in over the lunch hour today and found out just how important this step can be. I was dismayed when I stepped on the scale and realized I only lost 0.5 lbs. But I didn't lose hope. I peed and lost an additional 1.5 lbs for a grand total of 2 lbs down today.
I was so proud of myself that I stopped for fast-food at Harvey's. Because you should always reward weight loss by indulging in fast food.
6- This last one, I will warn you, is yet untested. Don't tell the other competitors because I'm saving it for the last week of the competition. I'm calling it "Going Out with a Bang on Coffee and Bacon". I'm going to consume nothing but coffee and bacon for the last week of the contest. Sounds totally doable and healthy, right? I thought so too! I love coffee and I love bacon. The bacon will satisfy my appetite and the coffee will hype me up to help me keep active to burn on the bacon. Plus the bacon should take me back to #1. Genius, I know!
So what do you think? Should I market this? Will I be rich? RICH??
8 comments:
Yes you will be rich Princess.....not to mention sick, and maybe dead!
LOL - Keep up the good work
Hmmm, you are quite the entrepreneur aren't you?!!
I always make sure to pee. It really does make a difference. Paul is getting down to his undies on the last day...he's a diehard.
Why you are on a weight loss plan at all I don't understand ?
Did you ever get your pancrease checked out ?
Lori
It's a biggest loser competition. The idea for joining, for me anyway, is that heart disease now runs in my family and the $400 prize is a good motivator for getting active.
This was really just a tongue in cheek jab at myself.
welcome to the big loser club :-) Now run....go tell JJ !!
Prize money is always a good motivator! ;) Sweet.
LLD
Heart disease shmart disease. Now where's my Whopper with cheese and bacon with extra mayo??
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