Second Best...It's Almost Good Eough!

The province of New Brunswick recently came out with a new slogan "Be....in this place". I've decided my new personal slogan is "Second best...It's almost good enough!" I've been thinking lately and I'm totally a "settler". I settle for things instead of taking a stand for myself and going after what I really want or deserve. I know that I do it because I don't want to upset people. I'm afraid I might piss someone off if I voice my displeasure. Sometimes, I manage to convince myself that my feelings are not justified even though logically I know they are. I've been this way as long as I can remember.

I don't settle for anything but my best when I am producing something. For example, at work the result may not be perfect but I do things to the best of my ability. I always make sure I'm prepared, that people are not waiting on me, and if at all possible that I'm not standing there telling people that I don't know. Outside of work, if I tell you I'll so something than I do it to the absolute best of my ability.

But when the tables are turned it's a cake walk. Give me your left overs, your half-assed effort, be late, whatever! Because...here it comes. Wait for it, just wait for it. Second best....it's almost good enough.

I Lied

I totally lied and I'm not afraid to admit it. Last year, around this time, I said that it would be my last summer as a sun worshiper. I meant it, I really did. But I couldn't keep my word. I tried but it's not even July yet and I've already spent considerable time out on the deck in my bathing suit. I love summer.

I'm working on a project at work that doesn't really allow me to take vacation until it ends. Nobody would say no if I asked to take vacation, I don't think, but my work ethic won't let me. Damn ethics. So until mid-August, I'm just going to take a few beach days here and there. And let me be clear, I cannot wait to go to the beach!!

I have plans to head to sit on a purple sand beach and float in the lake with Jenny Mac on Saturday. It's going to be fun. I just need to get myself a beach chair and some water and I'm all set. I could sit on the beach for hours. I always take a book or a magazine but I rarely end up reading. I could just sit there and chat or people watch for the entire day.

This year will be the first year since I was 6 months old that I won't be spending a week in Shediac at the beach. It really saddens me but there is nothing I can do about it. I'll just get in as many day trips as I can. JJ HATES the drive to Shediac. But she did say that is has been a long time since she has seen the giant lobster....so she'll try the drive on more time. I tried to get her excited by pitching the idea as a "girl trip - you and Mommy on the open road". But in the end, it was the prospect of watching movies in the car that won her over.

I Just Can't Look Away

I've been reading a blog every day for about a year and a half now called dooce.com. Her writing makes me laugh out loud on a daily basis. I can really relate to her, I love her sarcasm, and I think she's hilarious. She's been blogging for a number of years and was fired from her job for talking shit about her employer on her blog. Classic!

Anyway, this woman has quite a readership. She doesn't always open the comments on her blog but when she does it's not unusual to see 400-600 comments. I don't take the time to read the comments because she regularly writes pieces about the hate email and comments she receives. She will often copy the comment or email directly into the blog and they are so dumb that they're funny. I don't get the people who write comments or emails saying how much they hate her writing, how bad her blog is, and that they don't know why they read it. It's the same deal with Facebook groups and stuff.

My response is that we must call the police to immediately to track down the horrible people who have the blog readers tied up and are holding a gun to their head FORCING them to read things against their will. It's inhumane and must be stopped.

I also love nasty anonymous comments. I can't take anyone seriously when they are too cowardly to sign their name. If want to leave a nasty comment than have then guts to sign your name. If not, then I don't see how anyone can really care about anything you have to say.

That being said, the exclamation and hate mail blogs that appear on dooce.com are my favourites. So funny.

She's Not British?

I spent my evening helping my beautiful cousin, Stephanie, and her sister-in-law, Jenelle, make Jenelle's wedding invitations. They turned out very nicely. Thanks for the use of your stamp, Jay. It was the perfect touch.

We chit chatted the whole time we worked and we touched on many different topics. We got talking about music and the subject of Madonna came up. I love Madonna and I've been a fan since I was a child. But she is certainly not the same person she was 20 years ago. Of course, people evolve, change, and grow. But this woman has turned British. She speaks even now speaks with a touch of a British accent.

My point was made loud and clear by the last three sentences of our Madonna conversation

Me: "Madonna even has a fake British accent now. C'mon, she's from Michigan."
Jenelle: "She's from Michigan? You mean she's not British?"

Thank you Jenelle. My point exactly.

Monday Morning Obervations

* Ankle bracelets that are so tight that it makes your foot turn blue are not pretty.

* Ass sweat stains on a chair will evaporate in approximately 30 mins.

* It is possible to leave ass sweat stains at 9:23 am.

* If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie wipe the seatie....is always appropriate.

* Short cut off jean shorts than only end 2 inches below your ass cheeks are never appropriate office wear. Unless you are a federal employee.

* It will not be possible for me to drink enough coffee today.

* Sunburned boobies will sweat.

* I love summer.

That it for now. This list may be uppdated as the day goes on.

S-A-N-D-W-IC-H

Dear Tim Hortons Cashier Girl,

You may not remember me but you waited on me in the drive-thru the other day. I certainly remember you. I remember when you handed me my sandwich and said "Here's your sammich". Then you turned to the young man working beside you, giggled, and gave the that coy little "I'm cute, right?" look. Sweetie, it's not cute. Not even a little bit and it won't make him like you. In fact, if it does make him like you then he is a complete loser and you need to move on. Quickly.

You've waited on me a number of times in the past and I'm fairly certain you are a smart young woman. It is for that reason, that I hope you quickly discover that it never pays to play down your intelligence for anyone. No one is worth more than your self-esteem and sense of worth.

Love,

Princess aka The Creepy Lady in the Drive-thru

Get the Listerine...NOW!

Saturday night, I was sitting in the living room knitting while the Littlest Princess was brushing her teeth in the washroom. She called out to me and said "Mom, my toothbrush fell in the toilet." I replied, without looking up, "Leave it there!! I'll be right in." I just wanted to put down my knitting so as not to lose any stitches. When I looked up, the child was standing in front of me with the toothbrush in her mouth.

I stammered a bit and said "JJ take that out of your mouth!" She replied "Don't worry Mom I dried it off with a towel." I then started to die a very slow and painful death. Suddenly, a terrifying thought came into my head and I said "JJ did that fall in the toilet before or after you peed?" Keep in mind that I'm constantly telling the child to flush the toilet. Her reply? "After."

I wanted to bleach the child's mouth. Fortunately, I remembered that would likely kill her.

Say What??? and Arse Darts

I don't like to shop at the Sobeys at the Brookside Mall. Here comes my snobbish admission but the place just seems, well, nasty and redneck to me. This piece of info is pertinent to the story so keep reading before sending hate mail. I know it's snobby. Moving right along...

I stopped in at Sobeys yesterday afternoon to grab some graham crackers for the s'mores I've been craving. I went to Sobeys because I was already in the vicinity and I only needed one item so how bad could it be? It was bad.

I got my graham crackers and headed for the express check out (15 items or less). There was a lovely elderly lady right behind me and we made small talk for a second. Right behind her was a couple that I will call the Redneck couple. The were loudly bitching about the people in line who had more than 15 items. All of a sudden, Native woman walked up to Redneck couple and said in a very pleasant voice "Excuse me...". Redneck woman turned to look at native woman. Native woman's tone completely changed and she said "Did you call my daughter fat?" Rest assured the kid was indeed very obese. Redneck woman said "Oh, no! I said she was cute." Uh huh, because those words sound so much alike. Native woman said "Well, my kid said you called her fat." At this point I turned around because they saw me staring at them. I'm talking eyes wide open, mouth agape staring. In my head I'm wondering if my eyes are really truly seeing this and how did I get so damn lucky on a rainy Saturday?!?! Finally Native woman said okay and walked away.

I turned to look at Redneck couple and the husband looked and me and said "Can you 'magine??" That was it for me. I lost it. I had no control and I just about pissed myself laughing. Eventually I said to him "I thought I was going to see a smackdown right here." He replied with a dirty look toward Native woman "You might just yet." Thank goodness it was my turn to pay. I paid and high-tailed it out of that insane asylum. And that, Internet, is why I do not shop at Sobeys on Brookside.

Arse Darts - You place a small item, a toonie is a good one, between your butt cheeks. You must then walk a short distance and deposit the toonie in some sort of container such as a bowl. As the game goes on, the container gets smaller. That's the gist of it. However at 2 am in a parking lot, just pick a target on the ground and go for it. Admittedly, not a classy game but it was 2 am.