One to What???

I just received a call asking me to complete a phone survey on telecommunications. I don't mind taking a few minutes to complete a survey. I feel bad for the people calling - it must be a challenge to get people to participate. So we're trudging through and it not so bad. Then she tells me she needs me to rate some information from 1 to 100. Thinking I misunderstood, I said "1 to 100 ?" and she said "Yes, 100. 1 being not likely at all and 100 being very likely" And I started to laugh right out loud. Seriously, rating from 1-10 is bad enough. But 100? I'm less likely to use that company based on their rating system alone. Oye.

Go Team!

I think I need a new tattoo. A large one right in the middle of my forehead that says "Shut your mouth". Apparently I need this reminder every time I look in the mirror. Today I gave a co-worker a heads up regarding a nasty situation that was going down that they were about to walk into. I was trying to save said co-worker from having a shitty day. My bad. My info was met with a snooty, know-it-all attitude. Last I heard we all played for the same team and worked under the same mission statement. Clearly I was wrong. Someone do me a favour and hand out jerseys so I know what team I play for.
Next time I'm keeping my mouth shut and in the words of Sue Sylvester they can "rip you a new one". So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Bling? Not really his thing.

Cats really don't like to wear strands of beads. Not even manly blue. Who knew??

There is a time and a place...this isn't it.

When I gasp in the last hour of the work day and say "OMG, I just deleted the document I've been working on all afternoon!" please do not respond by walking into my office and telling me about your weekend! At this particular moment, I really don't give a rat's ass. WTF?!?!

Fashion Faux Pas

I think that perhaps I need to reconsider the outfit I wore today. I was uncertain about it from the get go. I looked in the mirror and thought "Hmm...not really sure." So I decided to seek advice. I asked the Littlest Princess her opinion. Her response was to grab my arm look me in the eyes and say "Don't change a thing, Mommy."
Now in all honesty, I took her opinion with a grain of salt. I enter the outfit she chose for herself yesterday as evidence - a black and white tropical dress that used to belong to me, brown leggings, a white t-shirt with red and pink hearts, a long green dangly necklace, pink skateboard shoes, gobs of pink eye shadow and pink lip gloss. . In any case, I decided my outfit wasn't terrible and that I was too lazy to change.
When I got to work, I received a compliment on my outfit. Oh god, red flag, ALERT, ALERT!!! The compliment giver is a terrible dresser!
This outfit will be removed from the rotation and I certainly won't be asking Miss Fancy Pants for fashion advice in the mornings any longer.
Parenting Lesson #351,128 - Six year olds don't necessarily give the best fashion advice.

Things I Learned Over the Weekend

Yard work can be fun when done with the right person.

Anti-histamines still cause me to sunburn like a mofo.

One bike ride every 3 years will cause a sore butt.

The ride home is always uphill and more difficult.

My cat can be an asshole at 3 am AND 5 am. He's usually at an asshole at 5am.

My cat purrs when you put a harness on him to go outside. Oh wait, maybe that's why he was an asshole at 3 am too.

Collars go around the neck...not under the arms. Whatever, it seemed logical to me.

Mojitos are the PERFECT afternoon cocktail. Oops, I already knew that one.

I'm not the only person buying liquor before noon at an agency store 2o mins outside the city on a statutory holiday.

You can spray paint your ugly old window shutter for $18 and they will look 100% better.

Spray paint makes you dizzy.

You can hide the painted rocks by simply raking.

Two evenings a week are not enough chances to win the lottery.

Apparently walking around to music is considered ballroom dancing....if your name is Kate Gosselin. Someone, please, help me to not look.