Packed and Ready

My bags are packed and I'm ready to leave for Jamaica. Let's be honest, my bags have been packed since I was supposed to leave in January. Stupid travel agency that I'll never use again. BUT I'm trying to be be bitter. There are 4 days, not counting today because I just ripped it off, left on the countdown calendar and I can't wait to leave. Seven days of sun, sand, drinks, and the Jamaican vibe. I can't wait to go back.

The Forgotten Art

It would seem there is a forgotten art when it comes to posing for photographs. I vote that we bring back the art of gently crossing our legs at the ankle when wearing a skirt and sitting in the front row of a group photo. Otherwise? Heeeelllllooooo Dolly!

Chocolate Bacon Cupcakes

That's not a typo. Last night, I made Chocolate Bacon Cupcakes and I even piped the icing on top. I'll admit that when I tried them last night, I didn't love them but I didn't hate them either. I made a few dozen of them so I decided to pack them up to share with my co-workers.

I had an improptu cupcake party in my office at 8:20 am and those things were flying off the tray. I decided to try another one just to be social and OMG. They are delicious this morning. I guess they just needed to sit for awhile for the flavours to develop.

So there you have it - Chocolate Bacon Cupcakes are delcious and will be made again. One more baking success in my pocket makes me want to continue the quest. I think I might try Vanilla Bean Coconut Cupcakes this weekend and I'm keeping my eye out for some sort of lime flavoured cupcake.

A Whole Lot of Nothing

* Christmas was great! There was nothing earth-shattering that made it great. It was just calm and content.
* I started the Jillian Micheals 20 Day Shred on December 30. I had been using the treadmill every single day for the about 3.5 months before I started the Shred so I thought I would have some endurance. Wrong! It is 20 minutes of pure hell and I almost threw up the first day. It actually has gotten easier and I might just go crazy and try Level 2 today.
* I cannot get my act together today. I forgot to pick up my prescription that I needed for an early doctor's appointment. Then I took a wrong turn on the way there. I simply forgot where I was going.
* Much to someone else's chagrin, I'm bringing my suitcase upstairs tonight and I'm going to start packing. I know it seems a bit early (3 weeks from tomorrow) but I like the excitement and anticipation.
* Why do short work weeks always seem to go by so slowly?

Letters of the Holiday Variety

Dear Christmas,

This year for the first time in a number of years, I'm going to kick your ass this time...instead of the other way around.

Love, S.
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Dear Bob Marley,

I'm sorry but I'll be cancelling our "every second Christmas" date this year. I know you're disappointed but I will make it up to you in Jamaica in January. You'll also be happy to know I'm planning to keep my pants on for Christmas this year.

Love, S.

10 Minutes in Walmart

I can accomplish alot of things (and spend alot of money) in only 10 minutes in Walmart. I managed to following:
* spend $48.00
* saved a ton of cash because every single item was on sale
* got all the fixings I need for cocktails
* got almost all the fixings for appetizers
* splashed mud all up the side of my pants
* made 3 new old man friends. The first time they talk to you it's friendly, second time you're developing a relationship. By the time they say "Bye Dear and Have a Merry Christmas!" after speaking to you two other separate times in the store, you are officially BFFs. Three - I made 3 in 10 minutes. I'd say 4 but I'm not certain that the man standing so close that he touched my ass counts as a friend. Yet.

She's a Wheel Watcher!

My daughter is a creature of habit. Every day she watches the same shows. Actually, she rarely watches anything that is not broadcast on channel 252. She doesn't get that from me, I tell you. I'm a channel flipper. I'm always afraid I'm missing something better on another channel.
Every night for the past 2 or so years, the Littlest Princess has watched ICarly at 7 pm in her bedroom. That changed on Monday night.
Monday night, she walked into the livingroom and saw that Wheel of Fortune on tv and said "Mind if I watch with you?" She sat down and after a few seconds proclaimed how much she loved the show and proceeded to watch the whole thing. Last night at 7 pm I said "It's time to snuggle down and watch your tv in your room." She said "Okay, can I watch that Wheel of Jeopardy show again?" I told her she could certainly watch Wheel of Fortune if she wanted. I also asked if she wanted me to watch with her. She said it didn't matter to her but she was watching in her room. Fine the, Miss Thang!
I did go watch the show with her and at one point she turned to me and said "That woman looks like an idiot walking back and forth in front of the words." I asked her please not to call people names and idiot is not an nice word. Then I solved the puzzle.
I think itis a crack up that my 7 year old loves Wheel of Fortune. Just wait until she turns 8. Then it'll be no more Mrs Nice-Mommy when it comes to playing. She has roughly 8+ months to hone her "Wheel Skills" before I unleash my full competitiveness.

You Don't Think You're a Bully?!?!?!

I stumbled across this article when I was reading a blog that Jay has link to her blog. The entire article is completely and utterly offensive. But what makes me shake my head is that the woman who wrote the article doesn't think she's being a bully or offensive! I don't feel I need to comment on this much further. The bitch speaks for herself.

Goodbye, Buddy

Today is a sad day. I have to put my dog to sleep this afternoon. Oliver has been "mine" since the day I brought him home and a cute little black lab puppy. The dog stayed with my ex-husband when we split up because I thought it was the best thing for Oliver and for my daughter. But I still love him and today is a terrible day.
Apparently, he hasn't been eating and took a turn for the worse over the weekend. XH told me about it yesterday and we both agreed that we needed to put him out of his misery. The call was made to the vet this morning and we go at 1:30. I hate to see the end but, to be honest, I wish the appointment was earlier. I guess Oliver couldn't even get up on his own the morning. He has been such an amazing dog and I just don't want him to suffer a minute longer. I saw him yesterday and the suffering was so clear in his eyes. XH will take him to the vet, I will meet them there, XH will leave and I will stay with Oliver. I'll make sure he knows we love him and that he was the best companion we could ask for, I will wrap my arms around him, put my face close to his, and hold him until he is gone.
Today is a sad day but at least Oliver's suffering will end. Thanks for being such a good friend, Buddy.

We Have a Plan and High Hopes

Monday morning was cold and I really, really dislike the cold. As the Littlest Princess and I were getting in the car I said "That's it! I've had enough!". JJ said "Had enough of what, Momma?" I said "Winter and cold! I have plan. I'm going to win the lottery, quit my job and you're going to quit school. We are going to move a warm tropical place, I'll hire a teacher to teach you while we play on the beach." To which JJ said "Mom a warm tropical place would be Florida." I replied "Actually there are lots of countries that are warm all year round." She said "Like Hawaii! Let's live in Hawaii." SOLD! Then I said "You can learn about whatever you want with your private teacher. If you see a dolphin in the surf, you can ask to learn about dolphins. " JJ said "So we'll be rich, right?" and I said "Yes, very." The Littlest Princess said "Can I have a pony?" and I said "Sure and we'll hire someone to scoop the pony poop too. Because we'll be rich." Then came the bubble burster "Momma, how do we win the lottery?" Sigh, good feelings gone. I had to explain that we will probably never win the lottery. She was alright with it. I'm pretty sure she thought I was nuts from the minute the conversation started anyway. She is a good sport. If we win, I'll buy her 2 ponies just for putting up with her crazy, delusional mother.

Here's a Tip for You.....

Historically, I have not tipped at Tim Horton's. I just didn't feel it was necessary. I'm usually a pretty good tipper. I would even go as far as to say I over tip. A few months ago, I started to let them keep my change at Tims. Do I really need that extra $0.50? However, as of today, I am officially back to not tipping at Tim Hortons. Over the past week I have received some good reminders of why I didn't tip there in the first place. Here are just a few of the examples:

* I was sitting in the drive-thru waiting for my coffee and right in front of me one cashier was loudly telling another how she flirts with men to get bigger tips. I was not inclined to believe it worked for her as it appeared she had been repeatedly beaten with an ugly stick. But really, I find it offensive that she was talking like that in front of customers.
* Again in the drive-thru, I pulled up to the window and gave the girl a shiny loony and 3 quarters ($1.75) for my order that came to $1.34. I also smiled and said "That's great, thanks." My coffee was sitting in the window getting cold while she counted out her tip and put in her her tip jar. The next time you see that I've handed you more than the cost and said thanks give me my damn coffee instead of counting your f'ing tips while I wait.
* Today. Today took the cake. My order came to around $1.50 and I gave the guy a toonie ($2). He looked at me and said "Do you want your change?" I looked and him and just shook my head no. I was seething and in my head I was shouting "Yes, I want my change, you uncle fucker!. That is far too presumptuous for my taste. I find it very offensive that he would assume he could keep the change.

So that's it for me. I'm done tipping at Tim Hortons. From now on I want my change. I want every red cent of it. Every stinking penny. You want more money? Then earn it.

Down the Tubes

I was on the road for work today (awful driving weather - incase you were wondering) and I stopped at Tim's for a pee and a coffee in the morning. I went into the stall to complete my task and all of a sudden my cell phone was falling. I watched in horror as is fell towards the toilet bowl. But, low and behold, it missed falling in the flush by JUST a fraction and tumbled on the floor. I was so relieved. You'd think that I would be concerned that my work phone has almost fallen in the flush, been ruined, and would cost someone to replace it. Nuh uh, my biggest concern was that I might have to fish that thing out of the water. I was actually debating, if it had fallen in, could I just left in there and explained what happened? I guess we'll never know. Actually given my clumsy tendencies, we might find at some point.

For the Love of Donuts

My love of donuts is just not natural. It's funny because I'm not really a "sweets person" but I have a weakness for donuts. I stopped at Tim's on my way back to work for coffee and a donut. Fine, I got 2 of them. Whatever. I was eating my donuts while driving in the sunshine. I turned on the radio and lo and behold a song from Dirty Dancing was playing. What more could I ask for? Well alot actually. But you have to be thankful for the small things too, right? For the record, I'm going to be thankful for that pizza and sangria later.
But back to the donuts! So, I'm pretty certain that I could eat a dozen Tim Horton's donuts in one sitting. I'm not fussy about the kind unless it's one of those old fashioned plain. I mean really, what is the good of a donut with no sugar?? My self-respect and, probably more so, my guilt keep me from attempting to eat 12 in one sitting. But let's be honest here, if it was presented as a challenge or a bet and someone gave me the donuts -it would be on! Because my competitive nature would absolutely crush any guilt.

I love donuts. And asparagus - guilt satisfied.

Can't Handle It Anymore

I've been trying very hard not to be such a complainer lately. Okay, well it's not so much complaining as much as feeling a need to point out the dumbness in the world. In any case, I've been trying to stop. Really I have. But I can't handle this one any longer. I have to point out that ear infections are not contagious. Yeah, I know some thing that are contagious can lead to ear infections. I get that. But getting close to someone with an ear infection is not going to spawn an immediate ear infection in you. It's not the the freaking Ebola virus. OMG. Okay, I'm done - back to being nice.

Eyes Wide Open

Well, I received a bit of an eye-opener last week. I had a wellness profile done on Wednesday and they checked things like blood glucose, cholesterol, BMI, weight and then I answered a bunch of questions online. When I was all done, they took the info and produced a 14 page report on your overall wellness and strategies to improve your wellness.
My report came back saying I'm in very good health. My BMI and glucose levels were in a healthy range, and I'm apparently sane. Get this - everyone is supposed to receive a numeric value for cholesteral level. However, mine didn't even register a number. They did it twice and it came back LO. I was quite surprised.
The "not-so-nice" part of the profile was the weight section. I got on the scale and the number came up. I jumped off and asked him to do it again. Same number. Yikes - I had a 14 lbs increase in about 6 months and it's all in my stomach. Not cool. Time to make some adjustments.
In my house, we don't talk about being large, or, thin. We talk about being Heart Healthy. Heart disease runs in my family and I carry my weight in my stomach, that gives me 2 major risks factors for heart disease. I take this very seriously.
I already eat, probably, better than average. I exercise but I'm not fanatical or even committed about it. I try to do some cardio a few times a week but sometimes I get to it and some times I don't. Since Wednesday I've done 30 minutes of cardio every day and I'm going to continue with that. I'm not going to lie. I want to see those pounds go down but more importantly I need to make sure my heart is getting that workout. I may not be super athletic but I'm moving and that's a start. Now I've told the world my intentions. Hopefully that accountability and my own motivation will keep me on this track. I just need to get it firmly embedded as part of my daily routine.

Hey, Sister, are you reading this?!?!?!?

Outta Here....

Well, in 3 1/2 long months. I'm going to Jamaica bitches! It's been a long wait but I'm finally going back. I'm going to be there for my birthday. Now, I have to go get on the treadmill. You can likely find me there until January 28, 2011.

A Close 4th

I really love the summer, the beach, and warm weather. So, of course, June, July, and August are my favourite months. But I have to say that I also love October. I love the fiery red trees, the fall decorations you see around, and the flavours that come out this time of year. Yup, October is definitely my fourth favourite month. Can I get a Whoop Whoop for number 4??

Refreshing

Oh how I love your holier-than-thou attitude. It's like the smell of dog poo on a sunny spring day.

Feeling the Need for a Little Vent

I'm not sure if there is a full moon right now or what. But, I swear, the dumb asses are crawling out from under rocks and multiplying in droves. I have a few things to stay about some of those dumb asses and then I'll try to be nice fore the rest of the day.

There will be a lot of painting going on my my house in the next little while. If you plan on being around, don't just stand there and watch me. Pick up a stupid brush. I don't need a cheering squad, I need to be done.

Hey you, pregnant girl. You are not the first, only, or even last person to be pregnant. You think being pregnant is bad? Wait until childbirth! And let me tell you, child-rearing is no walk in park either.

And you, breast-feeding girl - see the above comment about first, only, and last. OMG.

Word Whiz, this next one is for you - real pretty, real bad, real cute? Holy hell, did you skip English class every single day. While I'm on the topic, hisself and contipate are not words. Since we're all making up words nilly-willy, I know pronounce dumbassedness to be a valid word. You're welcome Webster's Dictionary.

And You, You, You, and You - how about you returning my fucking call for once? Valued customer my ass!

Um, No Thanks

The Littlest Princess had her first voice lesson tonight and she did very well. She was talking the teacher's ear off and hardly letting the woman get a word in edgewise. Finally, the teacher was able to say her piece and got things started so I left. When I returned, JJ was all smiles and thought the lesson was great.
JJ was telling me about the lesson in the car and started singing a song about dinosaurs. I said "Hey that's a great song!" and JJ says "Yeah, Teacher asked me if I wanted to sing a song about dinosaurs. I told her I was more of a cat and dog person." Oye.