Answer Me, Dammit!

Earlier today, Shelley was telling me a story about something that happened the other day. I was surprised by what she was telling me and I said "OMG, really?" but she didn't answer and kept on talking. As she continues telling the story, I say "But how did she know where to find it?" Again, she ignores me and keeps talking. It was at that point that I remember I was listening to a voicemail and not having a live conversation. In my defence, it totally sounded just like her! ;)

I Love You, Friday

I haven't always loved Fridays. In fact, in the not so distant past, I dreaded every second Friday when the Littlest Princess wouldn't be with me. I still miss her the weekends she is with her dad but I deal with it better now.
Last weekend I actually went camping in St. Andrews. Yup, camping, like in a trailer and stuff. Aside from a dangerously close call of almost falling in the campfire, I returned home Sunday in one piece. Dirty and smoky, but in one piece.
This weekend is supposed to be a hot one, my favourite kind. The plan is pretty simple - go to the pool after work, go home, sleep, get up, take JJ to a birthday party, pick her up, go to the pool, go home, sleep. Sunday is supposed to be not so nice so I might scrapbook.
You know, I love my job, my co-workers, and even the organization I work for. But I need to win the lottery tonight because there are far more things I'd rather be doing than working. FYI - if I win tonight the weekend plans will change significantly. Don't bother looking for me.

Stupid Birds, Stupid Long Days

Someone must sit down with my cat and my daughter and explain to them that 4:30 a.m. is completely unacceptable. Someone should also explain to the cat that sitting on my head at that ungodly hour does not improve my disposition. On the bright side, the child did not sit on my head. She wins over the cat on that account but they're both still on my shit list.

Thought for the Day

Your opinion holds absolutely no validity for me if you have to hide behind the "name" Anonymous. In fact, the names Anonymous and Coward are strikingly similar.

Beware!

Thinking about sending your dog to a kennel in the F'ton area? Please take the time to read this first - Beware! Be the voice and the advocate for your pet.

It's a Good Thing She's Cute!

Conversation #1 - in the car on the way home from after-school care.

me - (laughing) Funny your lips are blue!
daughter -(scowling) That's not funny! (whiny voice) It's not nice to laugh at me.
me - JJ that is not something to cry about. You are being overly sensitive.
daughter - (quietly) It could be worse. I could be flatulent.


Conversation #2 -in the washroom at Jungle Jim's. Ladies room is called Jane, Mens is called Tarzan
daughter - I bet things are pretty different in the jungle.
me - Yup, I bet you're right.
daughter - Yeah, you can be flatulent whenever you want and not worry.
me - What is it with you and flatulence today?!?!
daughter - I don't know. It just makes me a little bit happy.
me - Apparently.

Quote of the Day

This is the best line I've heard in a loooooong time. "I'm sorry I couldn't make my appointment because I was temporarily dead." Fair enough.

Living It Up!

Friday night + a few drinks + Operations (the game from your childhood) = a few good laughs. Unfortunately, when you start as early as I did, it means you can't make it to a friend's house 5 mins away. Sorry, LW. Maybe a drink as soon as you walk through the door isn't the best idea in the end.

True Love

Oh, Mojitos I could never be mad at you and your limey goodness. TGIF!

Tips from a Non-Fashionista

Fashion tip - If you're skirt is short enough that I can see your ass cheeks, you should NOT wear it to work.

One to What???

I just received a call asking me to complete a phone survey on telecommunications. I don't mind taking a few minutes to complete a survey. I feel bad for the people calling - it must be a challenge to get people to participate. So we're trudging through and it not so bad. Then she tells me she needs me to rate some information from 1 to 100. Thinking I misunderstood, I said "1 to 100 ?" and she said "Yes, 100. 1 being not likely at all and 100 being very likely" And I started to laugh right out loud. Seriously, rating from 1-10 is bad enough. But 100? I'm less likely to use that company based on their rating system alone. Oye.

Go Team!

I think I need a new tattoo. A large one right in the middle of my forehead that says "Shut your mouth". Apparently I need this reminder every time I look in the mirror. Today I gave a co-worker a heads up regarding a nasty situation that was going down that they were about to walk into. I was trying to save said co-worker from having a shitty day. My bad. My info was met with a snooty, know-it-all attitude. Last I heard we all played for the same team and worked under the same mission statement. Clearly I was wrong. Someone do me a favour and hand out jerseys so I know what team I play for.
Next time I'm keeping my mouth shut and in the words of Sue Sylvester they can "rip you a new one". So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Bling? Not really his thing.

Cats really don't like to wear strands of beads. Not even manly blue. Who knew??

There is a time and a place...this isn't it.

When I gasp in the last hour of the work day and say "OMG, I just deleted the document I've been working on all afternoon!" please do not respond by walking into my office and telling me about your weekend! At this particular moment, I really don't give a rat's ass. WTF?!?!

Fashion Faux Pas

I think that perhaps I need to reconsider the outfit I wore today. I was uncertain about it from the get go. I looked in the mirror and thought "Hmm...not really sure." So I decided to seek advice. I asked the Littlest Princess her opinion. Her response was to grab my arm look me in the eyes and say "Don't change a thing, Mommy."
Now in all honesty, I took her opinion with a grain of salt. I enter the outfit she chose for herself yesterday as evidence - a black and white tropical dress that used to belong to me, brown leggings, a white t-shirt with red and pink hearts, a long green dangly necklace, pink skateboard shoes, gobs of pink eye shadow and pink lip gloss. . In any case, I decided my outfit wasn't terrible and that I was too lazy to change.
When I got to work, I received a compliment on my outfit. Oh god, red flag, ALERT, ALERT!!! The compliment giver is a terrible dresser!
This outfit will be removed from the rotation and I certainly won't be asking Miss Fancy Pants for fashion advice in the mornings any longer.
Parenting Lesson #351,128 - Six year olds don't necessarily give the best fashion advice.

Things I Learned Over the Weekend

Yard work can be fun when done with the right person.

Anti-histamines still cause me to sunburn like a mofo.

One bike ride every 3 years will cause a sore butt.

The ride home is always uphill and more difficult.

My cat can be an asshole at 3 am AND 5 am. He's usually at an asshole at 5am.

My cat purrs when you put a harness on him to go outside. Oh wait, maybe that's why he was an asshole at 3 am too.

Collars go around the neck...not under the arms. Whatever, it seemed logical to me.

Mojitos are the PERFECT afternoon cocktail. Oops, I already knew that one.

I'm not the only person buying liquor before noon at an agency store 2o mins outside the city on a statutory holiday.

You can spray paint your ugly old window shutter for $18 and they will look 100% better.

Spray paint makes you dizzy.

You can hide the painted rocks by simply raking.

Two evenings a week are not enough chances to win the lottery.

Apparently walking around to music is considered ballroom dancing....if your name is Kate Gosselin. Someone, please, help me to not look.

Here's Your Hat. What's Your Hurry?

This is the conversation my 6 year old daughter and I had on the way to school this morning:

JJ - "Mom, what is this?"
Me - "Oh, that's reusable shopping bag. It folds up and snaps like that to fit in your purse. Handy, huh?"
JJ - "I love it, Momma! You know, I'm not much of a shopper here but I sure like to shop in Florida!"
Me - "Mmmm...me too!"
JJ - "Can I have this bag when you die?"
Me - "Yeah. Sure."

Nice. Reminds me of my sister.

Bon Jovi Bound

So, this time tomorrow I'll be well on my way to Montreal to see Bon Jovi with a bunch of my besties. It's going to be so fun. Seeing Bon Jovi in concert is one of the items on my "List of Things To Do" and I'm looking forward to crossing that one off. I wasn't able to go this past summer because I was moving. To be honest, I'd rather see them at the Bell Centre anyway.

Woot! Jon, we're coming, Honey!

Thought for the Day

If you are too stupid to navigate a drop off circle, then you are too stupid to have children. You can quote me on that one.

A Never Ending Cycle

Dear Crosswalk User,

It's called a traffic pattern for a reason, it happens over and over again and always in the same order. We all take turns crossing the road and turning so that our cars and your body don't collide. Standing there hitting the crosswalk button repeatedly, rolling your eyes, throwing your hands in the air, and yelling curse words won't make the walk light change any faster. It just helps people like me identify you for the moron you are. Thanks for the heads up.

x0x0