Quote of the Day

This is the best line I've heard in a loooooong time. "I'm sorry I couldn't make my appointment because I was temporarily dead." Fair enough.

Living It Up!

Friday night + a few drinks + Operations (the game from your childhood) = a few good laughs. Unfortunately, when you start as early as I did, it means you can't make it to a friend's house 5 mins away. Sorry, LW. Maybe a drink as soon as you walk through the door isn't the best idea in the end.

True Love

Oh, Mojitos I could never be mad at you and your limey goodness. TGIF!

Tips from a Non-Fashionista

Fashion tip - If you're skirt is short enough that I can see your ass cheeks, you should NOT wear it to work.

One to What???

I just received a call asking me to complete a phone survey on telecommunications. I don't mind taking a few minutes to complete a survey. I feel bad for the people calling - it must be a challenge to get people to participate. So we're trudging through and it not so bad. Then she tells me she needs me to rate some information from 1 to 100. Thinking I misunderstood, I said "1 to 100 ?" and she said "Yes, 100. 1 being not likely at all and 100 being very likely" And I started to laugh right out loud. Seriously, rating from 1-10 is bad enough. But 100? I'm less likely to use that company based on their rating system alone. Oye.

Go Team!

I think I need a new tattoo. A large one right in the middle of my forehead that says "Shut your mouth". Apparently I need this reminder every time I look in the mirror. Today I gave a co-worker a heads up regarding a nasty situation that was going down that they were about to walk into. I was trying to save said co-worker from having a shitty day. My bad. My info was met with a snooty, know-it-all attitude. Last I heard we all played for the same team and worked under the same mission statement. Clearly I was wrong. Someone do me a favour and hand out jerseys so I know what team I play for.
Next time I'm keeping my mouth shut and in the words of Sue Sylvester they can "rip you a new one". So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Bling? Not really his thing.

Cats really don't like to wear strands of beads. Not even manly blue. Who knew??

There is a time and a place...this isn't it.

When I gasp in the last hour of the work day and say "OMG, I just deleted the document I've been working on all afternoon!" please do not respond by walking into my office and telling me about your weekend! At this particular moment, I really don't give a rat's ass. WTF?!?!

Fashion Faux Pas

I think that perhaps I need to reconsider the outfit I wore today. I was uncertain about it from the get go. I looked in the mirror and thought "Hmm...not really sure." So I decided to seek advice. I asked the Littlest Princess her opinion. Her response was to grab my arm look me in the eyes and say "Don't change a thing, Mommy."
Now in all honesty, I took her opinion with a grain of salt. I enter the outfit she chose for herself yesterday as evidence - a black and white tropical dress that used to belong to me, brown leggings, a white t-shirt with red and pink hearts, a long green dangly necklace, pink skateboard shoes, gobs of pink eye shadow and pink lip gloss. . In any case, I decided my outfit wasn't terrible and that I was too lazy to change.
When I got to work, I received a compliment on my outfit. Oh god, red flag, ALERT, ALERT!!! The compliment giver is a terrible dresser!
This outfit will be removed from the rotation and I certainly won't be asking Miss Fancy Pants for fashion advice in the mornings any longer.
Parenting Lesson #351,128 - Six year olds don't necessarily give the best fashion advice.

Things I Learned Over the Weekend

Yard work can be fun when done with the right person.

Anti-histamines still cause me to sunburn like a mofo.

One bike ride every 3 years will cause a sore butt.

The ride home is always uphill and more difficult.

My cat can be an asshole at 3 am AND 5 am. He's usually at an asshole at 5am.

My cat purrs when you put a harness on him to go outside. Oh wait, maybe that's why he was an asshole at 3 am too.

Collars go around the neck...not under the arms. Whatever, it seemed logical to me.

Mojitos are the PERFECT afternoon cocktail. Oops, I already knew that one.

I'm not the only person buying liquor before noon at an agency store 2o mins outside the city on a statutory holiday.

You can spray paint your ugly old window shutter for $18 and they will look 100% better.

Spray paint makes you dizzy.

You can hide the painted rocks by simply raking.

Two evenings a week are not enough chances to win the lottery.

Apparently walking around to music is considered ballroom dancing....if your name is Kate Gosselin. Someone, please, help me to not look.

Here's Your Hat. What's Your Hurry?

This is the conversation my 6 year old daughter and I had on the way to school this morning:

JJ - "Mom, what is this?"
Me - "Oh, that's reusable shopping bag. It folds up and snaps like that to fit in your purse. Handy, huh?"
JJ - "I love it, Momma! You know, I'm not much of a shopper here but I sure like to shop in Florida!"
Me - "Mmmm...me too!"
JJ - "Can I have this bag when you die?"
Me - "Yeah. Sure."

Nice. Reminds me of my sister.

Bon Jovi Bound

So, this time tomorrow I'll be well on my way to Montreal to see Bon Jovi with a bunch of my besties. It's going to be so fun. Seeing Bon Jovi in concert is one of the items on my "List of Things To Do" and I'm looking forward to crossing that one off. I wasn't able to go this past summer because I was moving. To be honest, I'd rather see them at the Bell Centre anyway.

Woot! Jon, we're coming, Honey!

Thought for the Day

If you are too stupid to navigate a drop off circle, then you are too stupid to have children. You can quote me on that one.

A Never Ending Cycle

Dear Crosswalk User,

It's called a traffic pattern for a reason, it happens over and over again and always in the same order. We all take turns crossing the road and turning so that our cars and your body don't collide. Standing there hitting the crosswalk button repeatedly, rolling your eyes, throwing your hands in the air, and yelling curse words won't make the walk light change any faster. It just helps people like me identify you for the moron you are. Thanks for the heads up.

x0x0

Serenity Now

The littlest Princess has now been puking and pooping for 2 days. I though we were in the clear when she last puked yesterday at noon. However last night at 12:52 I hear "Momma!" It was very messy all night and we didn't get back to bed until 6:04 this morning. Things have been going quite well today. Until about 10 mins ago when the f'ing cat puked on my bed. Will it ever end? All I need now is my special friend how up later and puke on the floor. Then I can call it a full house.

If It Looks Like a Duck.....

I think it is a strong indication that you are not in a for a good day when your child comes in the bathroom while you're in the shower and says - "Momma, I tooted and pooped my pants!". Oye.

Ohhhh...Jenn W

Jenn you would sooo be in heaven here. It's a foodie's paradise. I had Thai food tonight at Osha Thai and it was to die for. We started with green tea Mojitos and we had Volcanic Beef and Spicy Catfish. I never thought I'd order catfish but I did and it was incredible. As incredible as it was, the Volcanic Beef was even better. It was the most flavourful succulent beef ever. All served with sticky rice. I vowed that I would sit there until all the food was gone. I almost feel bad that I'm here instead of you. As much as I'm enjoying the food here, I know that you would appreciate it that much more.

Seagulls and Pie

After 12 hours of walking today, I'm laying in bed drinking rum and coke. Two highlights today - One was when I was dived bombed by a seagull trying to steal my shrimp and crab as I crossed a street. Arsehole bird, it hit my hair! Two was when I ordered chicken pot pie at a diner and they brought me the whole freaking pie.

San Francisco

Well, I'm here. What a trip to get here. We got up at 2:30 in the morning NB time and finally arrived at the airport in ran Francisco at 4 pm NB time. This place is great! Lots to see and do. Unfortunately, jet lag got the best of me and I was in bed last at 6:30 pm local time. I slept for 12 hours but now I'm ready to go! There is so much shopping to do and so many places that I need to eat.

Hints from Heloise

The littlest Princess isn't feeling so hot today so we decided to have a stay home day together since I'm leaving for a week. She is a super duper little helper when it comes to household chores. We were just downstairs changing the laundry and I handed her a fabric softener sheet to put in the dryer. She looked up at me and said "Why don't you just use the Bounce Bar? It is much easier and it lasts for up to 4 months." I asked her how she knew that and she said she saw it on TV. I cracked up. I've had many people comment to me that the child is going to be a star. I suspect you will see her on TV someday but it will likely be in an infomercial.