Friday, October 23, 2009

Uh....thanks but NO!

My 6 year old daughter has taken an interest in the local SPCA and has decided to donate everything in her piggy bank to the cause. Since she is being so generous, this morning I sent out an email to friends and family explaining what JJ is doing and asking for support - cash or items from the SPCA wish list.

Wish liste here - http://www.frederictonspca.ca/our_wishlist.aspx

I received a few responses including this one from my sister that almost got me in trouble with the IT dept for spitting coffee on my computer:

"I’d like to donate one asshole cat."

She didn't even bother to sign her damn name... but it sure made me laugh. I don't think I'll share that offer of support with JJ.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Here is an Idea....

How about you stop referring to your clients as "swine"?

Friday, October 16, 2009

I'm Beginning to Think I Shouldn't be Allow in Public

Is it just me? Am I too picky? Do I hold the average person to an unrealistic expectation? Do I judge the human race to be smarter than it really is? What is the damn problem?

I'm starting to think I should be confined to my own home. Out in public and even at work I'm both appalled and shocked by the dumbness and inconsideration around me. I just went to the kitchenette on my floor to wash my coffee mug. As per usual, there is a nasty used tea-bag in the sink. WTF? Are you planning to use it again? Perhaps storing it in the bacteria filled sink adds to the flavour? Or maybe you like to play Russian Roulette - "What disease can I get today?" Be an adult. Turn around 180 degrees and put the soggy, nasty tea bag in the garbage can. I think it's gross when people do that in their own house. Leaving it there for your co-workers brings that treat to a whole new level. In addition to that, just who do they think is going to eventually put the soggy mass in the garbage can and clean the sink? You can damn well bet it won't be me. I'm staying away from there. I'd rather risk food-poisoning that have any responsibilty for the clean-up and management of that room.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Upward and Onward

Okay, I've left my public service announcement up long enough.

So, does anyone watch Glee? I love that show! Actually, the story line bores me a bit but I l0ve the musical numbers. Sunday and last night, I re-watched all the musical number on "Rogers on Demand". My favourite numbers are the mash-ups they did last week. The guys did a mix of Bon Jovi "It's My Life" and some other boy band song. Maybe it's called "This is My Confession"? Not sure but I keep rewinding it and watching it again. The girls did a mix of Beyonce's "Halo" and Katrina and the Waves "Walking on Sunshine". The girls were good but I liked the boys better.

I'm thinking I might just wait for the episodes to air "On Demand" so I can fast forward to the musical numbers....and the commercials.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Listen to Me and Listen to Me Good

If you have not had a tetanus shot in the last 10 years, go get one immediately. I'm not even kidding. Take your hand off the mouse and run to get one.

How was my weekend? Well it sucked ass due to a dose of tetanus...otherwise known as lock jaw. Go google tetanus or lockjaw and come back and read the rest of this.

3 weeks ago, I stabbed myself in the hand with a corn on the cob holder. 6 days after that, I started to get a sore jaw. I didn't think much of it. But as time went on over the last 2 weeks it got progressively worse each day. I was unable to open my mouth wide enough to yawn, yet I couldn't close it enough to make my molars touch in the back. My ear started to hurt, my teeth hurt, my face hurt, my head hurt. Then the base of my skull started to hurt, the next day my neck hurt, then my shoulders and finally my back down to the bottom of my shoulder blades. My back hurting started this Wednesday.
I had a doctor's appointment on Thursday for something completely different. Rewind here for a minute - I need to add I've cut myself a few times over the past few months and my brother-in-law, Jon, always tells me to get a tetanus shot or I'll get lock jaw. Back to the present, Wednesday before my appt the next morning, I googled lock jaw just for kicks. Holy shit! I had most of the symptoms. The only ones I didn't have were convulsions, coma, and respiratory arrest.
Thursday morning arrives and I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I even called in sick to work. When I got to my appt, I described my symptoms to the nurse and then added that I'd cut myself and not had a tetanus shot in at least 15 years. She looked at me and said "You have lock jaw." A medical student hears my story and says the same thing. Then my doctor gets a rundown from the med student. He stick his head in the room and says "We think you have tetanus. We need to call an infectious disease specialist in Saint John to get advice on how to treat you." I wait in the waiting room while they call. After awhile they tell me they are calling someone in Halifax.
So I sat there for over an hour thinking they would write me a prescription for pain and some sort of antibiotic. WRONG. The med student eventually comes out and take me into the hallway and says "We spoke to Halifax and you need to go to the hospital immediately. Do not go anywhere else, go straight there. There is an internist (internal medicine doctor) waiting for you in the ER. Go right now. You could go into respiratory arrest any minute and you may be admitted to ICU. You need to be monitored very closely. You could die from this." I say okay and off I go. Needless to say, I'm bawling my face off, I can't get out of the damn parking lot because I'm too worked up to put money in the machine to let me out. I'm a mess and driving myself to the hospital.
I arrived at the ER, walked to the triage area sure enough, they were waiting for me. I could hear a bunch of people saying my name and saying "She's here. That's her." I'm losing my mind at this point. A nice clerk comes over and says "Are you Sarah?" I said yes and she says "Janet is on the phone. She wants to know if you want her to come. " Thanks, Jan. I said I was okay she didn't need to come. Thankfully, she showed up later regardless.

Within 20 minutes (I think) I was registered to talking to the internal medicine specialist resident. One of the first things the Dr. tells me is that only 4 people had this in all of Canada last year. Luckily it seems I only have a mild case. Before the end of a 2 hour span, I saw the resident, her boss doctor and the head of ICU. At this point, I'm realizing this is serious. The told me I was not going home because I needed to be watched closely. From what I understand, because the disease was progressing through my body, it could affect the muscles in my chest and stop me from breath. I would be unable to speak to even call for help. Super f'ing fantastic.

My cousin, showed up just after I was told that part of my treatment would be 12 shots one right after the other. That right, TWELVE SHOT ONE AFTER THE OTHER. Sure makes that one tetanus shot sound like a walk in the park, huh? Get a tetanus shot right now.
I had to stay in the ER for at least an hour after the shots in case I reacted. The doctor said if I reacted they'd be able to do more for me in the ER than on a floor. Doesn't give warm fuzzy feelings, does it?
Jan and I had alot of laughs in the ER. She also kept showing me off to her co-workers. She would say "This is my cousin. She has lock jaw!" No one but my family doctor and my cousin had the opportunity to see tetanus in real life before. It's that rare. Rare because most of the population is smart enough to get a tetanus shot. But not me. Go get one now.

So I spent Thursday to this morning, Saturday in the hospital hooked up to a heart monitor and an IV. FYI - the meds that I got through the IV every 6 hours burned like crazy. Get a damn shot this instant. I was very happy to come home today because the last couple of days have sucked like you cannot imagine.
So all this action was for a mild case of tetanus. Makes me damn thankful it was mild. Apparently, in the serious cases, they have to paralyze the patient because the muscle spasms can be so violent they can break their own bones.

Yesterday, the internal medicine resident asked me if she could write a case report on me because tetanus is so rare and I said yes. My doctor also told me his med student was very excited by my case. I'm just doing my part for the medical cause.

There is no test they can do at the hospital to say whether or not I really have tetanus. They have to send my blood work to Ontario and it takes 2-3 weeks for the results. Because the disease is so serious, if they think you have it they need to treat you right away.

I kept smiling and laughing through all of this but I'll be honest. Every time I felt any twinge in my body I was afraid I was going to stop breathing. I tried to convince myself it was no big deal. But laying in hospital Thursday night, unable to sleep and nothing to do but think. I could not help but see my daughter's face and I think she could have lost her mother because I was too lazy to get a tetanus shot. This is a serious disease and could have been much, much worse. It all could have been avoided if I'd gotten a tetanus shot. Please don't let your tetanus vaccination get out of date. It's an avoidable disease and it's just not worth the risk. I'm also very thankful that Jon likes to tease me. Otherwise I may not have mentioned it to my doctor and it could have been too late by the time I relized how sick I was.

This story might be a bit rambly and disjointed but it's still somewhat surreal to me. Jan please feel free to correct any information that is inaccurate.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Cocooning

Some days I'm just tired of fighting "the good fight". Bad fight, good fight, whatever, I'm tired just tired of it. I'm tired of everything being such a struggle. When I'm tired of the struggle, my instinct is always to cocoon. I hunker down in bed with a blanket around me and all the other blankets on me with just my face sticking out. This is obviously rather uncomfortable in the summer. Today I really, really need to cocoon. However, I will haul myself up to the mall for laser hair removal instead. After that, I'm cocooning and I'll be out when I'm good and ready.

Monday, September 28, 2009

So Funny

Over to the left of the screen there you'll see a link to Dooce.com...I'll wait while you look. She has added a new feature to her blog - at the top right hand side there is a tab called "Hate". She is now regularly posting some of the hate mail she gets. She used to blog semi-regularly about the hate mail and those posts would crack me up. Now I can get a pretty much daily fix. That is some good shit, I tell you. I find it down-right hilarious because these people are so upset with her. Seriously, if you don't like her writing then STOP READING IT! Rocket science, I know.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Just Shut Your Pie Hole Already

I have a defect. It's the fact that I don't seem to have a filter between my brain and my mouth. I have a thought and it immediately comes out my mouth without any pit stops along the way. This exchange took place in the washroom this afternoon.

Me: (walking into the stall) "It smells like horse manure in here!"
Co-worker: "Yes, someone just left."
Me: "OH! I didn't think that was human....(not done talking but she cuts in)"
Co-worker: "It is."
Me: "I mean I thought something was wrong with the air vents or plumbing."
Co-worker: ....silence.....
Me: "Yeah, next time I'll just keep that to myself."
Co-worker: "Yes."

Case in point.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Love Your Pics ;)

I know you think the photos of you dancing at a club that you posted on Facebook are really hot. But, really,the pics of you with the sweat marks on your shirt right under your boobs should be saved for your eyes only. No need to share everything on Facebook. There is a lesson to be learned here - Boob sweat stains are, most certainly, not hot. You can take that one to the bank.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Klassy and Sophisti-ma-cated

The black bra under your thin white blouse is fan-fucking-tastic and professional to boot. Knock'em dead in that meeting you just walked into.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Cute But Stupid

I went to see Inglorious Basterds last night with a friend. Below is an email that was sent to a few of our other friends about the movie.

Picture this - Sitting at the theatre, watching inglorious basterds. Very tense scene. Nazi security psycho has a woman in a room, suspects she is a spy. Days earlier, he found a shoe, he suspects belongs to the woman and has it in his jacket. Woman is sitting, Nazi is sitting as well facing her. Nazi asks for her foot. Woman… shaking, lifts it and puts it only his knee. Nazi asks her to reach in his pocket and pull out what she finds… the shoe is in there. Princess somehow forgot about the shoe part…. Leans over to me and says in a whisper…. “HE’S GOING TO CUT OFF HER TOES”.

Uh, no… he’s going to see if the shoe fits. Oh yeah.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

If Tommorow Never Comes

I can hear country music coming from another office down the hall. If music makes you feel good then, by all means, turn it on. However, please close your door. As Mr. Garth Brooks says "If tomorrow never comes....." I will scratch out my own ear drums and lock them in the drawer beside me.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

One and the Same

Printer paper and toilet paper seem to be one and the same in my life. Every time I go near either one of them....I have to refill them. It's understandable at home....I live with an almost 6 year old. She doesn't know how to change it. At work, it seems like I fill that printer with paper every time I go near it. Ahhh....maybe they hired me specifically for my paper filling ability. I don't think that was even listed on my resume. I must be THAT good. Everyone has a role in life and I guess that's mine.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I Got a Pocketful, Got a Pocketful of Sunshine

Picture it, Woodstock 2009, and the Dunphy clan moves in. My cousin and her husband hosted a family ho-down at their place this weekend. Thanks guys, you are wonderful hosts. A good time ho-down it was. I can't even count how many people were there. It was a long night but here are a few highlights.

* the man and women segregated at Man Camp and Women's World. One man breaking all convention and setting up in the middle of Women's World. He said talking about diesel trucks is boring and Women's World was more fun. Damn right.
* swimming in the river. The water was low but running fast. It was my favourite part of the day. I loved it.
* wine on the pot luck table. Enough said!
* Karaoke - Janet and I singing "There's a Tree Out in the Backyard"...with no music. Janet and I singing "Just Dance". The kids loving karaoke.
* The Littlest Princess singing "Tomorrow" from the movie Annie in front of everyone...with her back to the audience. :)
* "I need the TV. T...V. Bring me the TV.........and a drink."
* selling porta-potty tickets.
* Dorothy donating her winning to the porta-potty fund.
* Auntie Lisa, I'm sorry I stole your Travelocity Gnome and sent it to Alberta. But he will have the trip of a lifetime!
* Auntie Michele, sorry for standing outside your tent telling you to get up after you went to bed.
* Hi, my name is Joe. And I work in a button factory. The other day boss came up to me. And he said Hi Joe. Are you busy? And I said No. So I turned the button with my right hand. Hi, my name is Joe.... Auntie Lisa thanks for being the first to join me in that and so enthusiastically at that.
* Thanks to Tracy and Janet for the rump shaking in front of the fire. However, some were afraid we were going fall in the fire. Maybe it was when I yelled "Tracy and Janet, hold me up so I don't fall in the fire!" that caused the alarm. I guess we'll never know.
* The fireworks rocks.
* Girl cousins, we really need to re-think arse darts in a completely dark field. Damn it was hard to find my quarter!
* Thanks to everyone for finding my shoes. Again....and again. They are tricky little buggers to keep track of.
* Janet - you'll just get used to them!!!
* it turns out it's rather difficult to share an MP3 player with another person while dancing in front of a bon fire. Thanks for being a good sport, Trace.
* Sunday morning my sister looked at me and said "There was no coming back from where you were last night."
* Sorry to my entire family for drilling "Pocketful of Sunshine" into your heads. I know, I'm still singing it too.
* Sorry for stealing the Family Talent Show trophy. I did return it Sunday morning.

So I guess that prompts the question "Who won the Family Talent Show?" I'm pleased to announce that the winner of the First Annual Family Talent Show is........ME!!!!

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine. I got a love and know that it's all mine. Oh, oh woh, oh oh.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Say What, Moron?

This morning JJ shared that the "leaders" at daycare do not help them put on sunscreen. JJ is almost 6 years old. I explained it would be very hot today and she must get help putting sunscreen on her back...from an adult.

When we arrived at daycare, I asked to speak with the leader and it went like this:

Me - "JJ told me that the leaders don't help the kids with sunscreen, is this true?"
Leader - "Yes, but we tell them to do a really good job."
**At this point my face automatically adopts a "you're a big idiot" look.
Me - "I can't put sunscreen on my back by myself and I"M 32 years old."
Leader - "Well they wear a shirt too."
Me - "A t-shirt allows UV rays through. Even more so when it's wet. Put sunscreen on my daughter."
Leader - "Well......"
Me - "I regularly have moles removed from my body and tested for cancer. PUT SUNSCREEN ON MY DAUGHTER'S BACK!"
Leader - "Sure."

That's what I thought you'd say.

Yeah, JJ is in a day camp for kids from kindergarten to grade 2. They need extra help. Hell, if she is able to take care of herself, why am I paying $140/week on their day camps? I honestly thought she was going to tell me it wasn't her responsibility. It would have not been pretty. The daycare standards sitting on my desk strongly suggest it IS her responsiblity. Take that.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Run, Forest, Run!

To the boy who keeps running down the hallway past my office,

Unless your ass or this building is on fire, stop running down the hallway. This is an office building not a race track. When you run in here it makes me think there is something wrong. You do it so frequently, I'm getting whip lash from my head snapping up so often. Next time, you may trip over my foot.

Love,

Princess Slow the Hell Down

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

There's a Storm Brewing

I swear that today, given the perfect conditions, I could manifest into the perfect storm. It's brewing.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Salt or Ketchup, The Great Debate

I find it bizarre that when you go through the Wendy's drive-thru, you have to ask for ketchup but they automatically put salt in the bag. Do that many people ask for extra salt for those already salty fries? I worked in fast food many,many, many moons ago and from what I remember, there were more request for ketchup than salt.

Perhaps salt costs less than ketchup so they toss it in the bag to make you feel like you're at least getting something for free. But you have to ask for the pricier condiments like ketchup. I can hear the big wigs in the meetings now "Folks, these are tough economic times and we need to cut costs. Toss a packet of salt in the bag and maybe the bastards, I mean customers, won't ask for ketchup!"

I worked in fast food in high school and only giving ketchup upon request actually started way back then. I'm not really complaining about it. I think it's smart to only give out condiments when requested. In fact, when I ask for ketchup and they give me a fist full I tell them I only need one. Waste not want not, right? I just find it funny that they toss a bunch of salt in the bag without asking.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Fiction vs. Reality

So, I'm a scrapbooker - not new information. I like to read various blogs - again not an earth-shattering confession. I read a number of blogs on a daily basis. A few blogs are scrapbook related and a number of them are not. Now, I'm not lumping all the scrapbooking blogs together but I really wonder if those ladies live in same reality that I do.

A number of the big names in the scrapbooking world also have big families. I'm talking families with 3, 4, 5 kids. We all love our kids and like to have fun with them but we also have challenging days too. Not in scrapbook celebrity land. I swear their lives are all sunshine and lollipops and their kids sneeze gold. Yes, there is something to be said for positive thinking but, seriously, it all seems perfect ALL of the time.

I read www.dooce.com every day and boy is she a contrast to the Stepford Scrapbookers. Like many of the scrapbook bloggers, Dooce- real name is Heather, has children. She has a 5 year old and a newborn and talks about her life. The glaring difference is that Heather seems to portray the reality of having kids.

Just once, I'd like to see a photo on the scrapbook blogs where the celebrity scrapbook Mama has spit-up on her shirt. As opposed the perfect hair, perfect nails, perfect makeup, holding the perfect card, with her spotless kids standing there being perfect that we normally see. The reality is that we're all reading those perfect blogs with a toothpaste blob on our shirt, while eating a cookie we found at the bottom of our purse!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

How Much Does Your Mother Love You?


My Mama loves me enough to buy me 5 pairs of shoes. You heard me. 5.