Cocooning

Some days I'm just tired of fighting "the good fight". Bad fight, good fight, whatever, I'm tired just tired of it. I'm tired of everything being such a struggle. When I'm tired of the struggle, my instinct is always to cocoon. I hunker down in bed with a blanket around me and all the other blankets on me with just my face sticking out. This is obviously rather uncomfortable in the summer. Today I really, really need to cocoon. However, I will haul myself up to the mall for laser hair removal instead. After that, I'm cocooning and I'll be out when I'm good and ready.

So Funny

Over to the left of the screen there you'll see a link to Dooce.com...I'll wait while you look. She has added a new feature to her blog - at the top right hand side there is a tab called "Hate". She is now regularly posting some of the hate mail she gets. She used to blog semi-regularly about the hate mail and those posts would crack me up. Now I can get a pretty much daily fix. That is some good shit, I tell you. I find it down-right hilarious because these people are so upset with her. Seriously, if you don't like her writing then STOP READING IT! Rocket science, I know.

Just Shut Your Pie Hole Already

I have a defect. It's the fact that I don't seem to have a filter between my brain and my mouth. I have a thought and it immediately comes out my mouth without any pit stops along the way. This exchange took place in the washroom this afternoon.

Me: (walking into the stall) "It smells like horse manure in here!"
Co-worker: "Yes, someone just left."
Me: "OH! I didn't think that was human....(not done talking but she cuts in)"
Co-worker: "It is."
Me: "I mean I thought something was wrong with the air vents or plumbing."
Co-worker: ....silence.....
Me: "Yeah, next time I'll just keep that to myself."
Co-worker: "Yes."

Case in point.

Love Your Pics ;)

I know you think the photos of you dancing at a club that you posted on Facebook are really hot. But, really,the pics of you with the sweat marks on your shirt right under your boobs should be saved for your eyes only. No need to share everything on Facebook. There is a lesson to be learned here - Boob sweat stains are, most certainly, not hot. You can take that one to the bank.

Klassy and Sophisti-ma-cated

The black bra under your thin white blouse is fan-fucking-tastic and professional to boot. Knock'em dead in that meeting you just walked into.

Cute But Stupid

I went to see Inglorious Basterds last night with a friend. Below is an email that was sent to a few of our other friends about the movie.

Picture this - Sitting at the theatre, watching inglorious basterds. Very tense scene. Nazi security psycho has a woman in a room, suspects she is a spy. Days earlier, he found a shoe, he suspects belongs to the woman and has it in his jacket. Woman is sitting, Nazi is sitting as well facing her. Nazi asks for her foot. Woman… shaking, lifts it and puts it only his knee. Nazi asks her to reach in his pocket and pull out what she finds… the shoe is in there. Princess somehow forgot about the shoe part…. Leans over to me and says in a whisper…. “HE’S GOING TO CUT OFF HER TOES”.

Uh, no… he’s going to see if the shoe fits. Oh yeah.

If Tommorow Never Comes

I can hear country music coming from another office down the hall. If music makes you feel good then, by all means, turn it on. However, please close your door. As Mr. Garth Brooks says "If tomorrow never comes....." I will scratch out my own ear drums and lock them in the drawer beside me.

One and the Same

Printer paper and toilet paper seem to be one and the same in my life. Every time I go near either one of them....I have to refill them. It's understandable at home....I live with an almost 6 year old. She doesn't know how to change it. At work, it seems like I fill that printer with paper every time I go near it. Ahhh....maybe they hired me specifically for my paper filling ability. I don't think that was even listed on my resume. I must be THAT good. Everyone has a role in life and I guess that's mine.

I Got a Pocketful, Got a Pocketful of Sunshine

Picture it, Woodstock 2009, and the Dunphy clan moves in. My cousin and her husband hosted a family ho-down at their place this weekend. Thanks guys, you are wonderful hosts. A good time ho-down it was. I can't even count how many people were there. It was a long night but here are a few highlights.

* the man and women segregated at Man Camp and Women's World. One man breaking all convention and setting up in the middle of Women's World. He said talking about diesel trucks is boring and Women's World was more fun. Damn right.
* swimming in the river. The water was low but running fast. It was my favourite part of the day. I loved it.
* wine on the pot luck table. Enough said!
* Karaoke - Janet and I singing "There's a Tree Out in the Backyard"...with no music. Janet and I singing "Just Dance". The kids loving karaoke.
* The Littlest Princess singing "Tomorrow" from the movie Annie in front of everyone...with her back to the audience. :)
* "I need the TV. T...V. Bring me the TV.........and a drink."
* selling porta-potty tickets.
* Dorothy donating her winning to the porta-potty fund.
* Auntie Lisa, I'm sorry I stole your Travelocity Gnome and sent it to Alberta. But he will have the trip of a lifetime!
* Auntie Michele, sorry for standing outside your tent telling you to get up after you went to bed.
* Hi, my name is Joe. And I work in a button factory. The other day boss came up to me. And he said Hi Joe. Are you busy? And I said No. So I turned the button with my right hand. Hi, my name is Joe.... Auntie Lisa thanks for being the first to join me in that and so enthusiastically at that.
* Thanks to Tracy and Janet for the rump shaking in front of the fire. However, some were afraid we were going fall in the fire. Maybe it was when I yelled "Tracy and Janet, hold me up so I don't fall in the fire!" that caused the alarm. I guess we'll never know.
* The fireworks rocks.
* Girl cousins, we really need to re-think arse darts in a completely dark field. Damn it was hard to find my quarter!
* Thanks to everyone for finding my shoes. Again....and again. They are tricky little buggers to keep track of.
* Janet - you'll just get used to them!!!
* it turns out it's rather difficult to share an MP3 player with another person while dancing in front of a bon fire. Thanks for being a good sport, Trace.
* Sunday morning my sister looked at me and said "There was no coming back from where you were last night."
* Sorry to my entire family for drilling "Pocketful of Sunshine" into your heads. I know, I'm still singing it too.
* Sorry for stealing the Family Talent Show trophy. I did return it Sunday morning.

So I guess that prompts the question "Who won the Family Talent Show?" I'm pleased to announce that the winner of the First Annual Family Talent Show is........ME!!!!

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine. I got a love and know that it's all mine. Oh, oh woh, oh oh.

Say What, Moron?

This morning JJ shared that the "leaders" at daycare do not help them put on sunscreen. JJ is almost 6 years old. I explained it would be very hot today and she must get help putting sunscreen on her back...from an adult.

When we arrived at daycare, I asked to speak with the leader and it went like this:

Me - "JJ told me that the leaders don't help the kids with sunscreen, is this true?"
Leader - "Yes, but we tell them to do a really good job."
**At this point my face automatically adopts a "you're a big idiot" look.
Me - "I can't put sunscreen on my back by myself and I"M 32 years old."
Leader - "Well they wear a shirt too."
Me - "A t-shirt allows UV rays through. Even more so when it's wet. Put sunscreen on my daughter."
Leader - "Well......"
Me - "I regularly have moles removed from my body and tested for cancer. PUT SUNSCREEN ON MY DAUGHTER'S BACK!"
Leader - "Sure."

That's what I thought you'd say.

Yeah, JJ is in a day camp for kids from kindergarten to grade 2. They need extra help. Hell, if she is able to take care of herself, why am I paying $140/week on their day camps? I honestly thought she was going to tell me it wasn't her responsibility. It would have not been pretty. The daycare standards sitting on my desk strongly suggest it IS her responsiblity. Take that.

Run, Forest, Run!

To the boy who keeps running down the hallway past my office,

Unless your ass or this building is on fire, stop running down the hallway. This is an office building not a race track. When you run in here it makes me think there is something wrong. You do it so frequently, I'm getting whip lash from my head snapping up so often. Next time, you may trip over my foot.

Love,

Princess Slow the Hell Down

There's a Storm Brewing

I swear that today, given the perfect conditions, I could manifest into the perfect storm. It's brewing.

Salt or Ketchup, The Great Debate

I find it bizarre that when you go through the Wendy's drive-thru, you have to ask for ketchup but they automatically put salt in the bag. Do that many people ask for extra salt for those already salty fries? I worked in fast food many,many, many moons ago and from what I remember, there were more request for ketchup than salt.

Perhaps salt costs less than ketchup so they toss it in the bag to make you feel like you're at least getting something for free. But you have to ask for the pricier condiments like ketchup. I can hear the big wigs in the meetings now "Folks, these are tough economic times and we need to cut costs. Toss a packet of salt in the bag and maybe the bastards, I mean customers, won't ask for ketchup!"

I worked in fast food in high school and only giving ketchup upon request actually started way back then. I'm not really complaining about it. I think it's smart to only give out condiments when requested. In fact, when I ask for ketchup and they give me a fist full I tell them I only need one. Waste not want not, right? I just find it funny that they toss a bunch of salt in the bag without asking.

Fiction vs. Reality

So, I'm a scrapbooker - not new information. I like to read various blogs - again not an earth-shattering confession. I read a number of blogs on a daily basis. A few blogs are scrapbook related and a number of them are not. Now, I'm not lumping all the scrapbooking blogs together but I really wonder if those ladies live in same reality that I do.

A number of the big names in the scrapbooking world also have big families. I'm talking families with 3, 4, 5 kids. We all love our kids and like to have fun with them but we also have challenging days too. Not in scrapbook celebrity land. I swear their lives are all sunshine and lollipops and their kids sneeze gold. Yes, there is something to be said for positive thinking but, seriously, it all seems perfect ALL of the time.

I read www.dooce.com every day and boy is she a contrast to the Stepford Scrapbookers. Like many of the scrapbook bloggers, Dooce- real name is Heather, has children. She has a 5 year old and a newborn and talks about her life. The glaring difference is that Heather seems to portray the reality of having kids.

Just once, I'd like to see a photo on the scrapbook blogs where the celebrity scrapbook Mama has spit-up on her shirt. As opposed the perfect hair, perfect nails, perfect makeup, holding the perfect card, with her spotless kids standing there being perfect that we normally see. The reality is that we're all reading those perfect blogs with a toothpaste blob on our shirt, while eating a cookie we found at the bottom of our purse!

How Much Does Your Mother Love You?

My Mama loves me enough to buy me 5 pairs of shoes. You heard me. 5.

You Are Soooooo Cool that I Can Hardly Stand You...I Mean It.

I think all your bragging about your weekend long drunk and run ins with the law are totally lame. It was lame back in the day and it's especially lame at 30 something years old. Ahhhhh....gotta love Facebook updates.

Welcome to the Neighbourhood

I think the new fire station is opening next door to my office. I see trucks and firefighters over there. I don't know if it's officially open yet but, if not, it's close. I think the neighbourly thing to do is to go over and welcome them to the neighbourhood. I've been spending some time in my supervisor's office lately (he has a window overlooking the fire station) and one of those times I offered to be the official welcome person for my office. He laughed and said no. I can't imagine why? I think maybe it's because he doesn't like the nose prints that I keep leaving on his window. Stacey and Jen keep your schedules open. We may need to schedule a very important lunch meeting to go over and say "Welcome, boys! Need help washing that truck?".

Thought for the Day

Perhaps your day is not going so well when your conversation includes "I hope insert fake name here has a wonderful fucking life". Feel free to share your own conversation excerpts.

I Really Hate Mowing the Lawn

I really, truly hate mowing the lawn. I can't even tell you. I'm lucky that this was the first time I've had to do it this season...thanks to my dad. But there comes a point when you have to buck up and do it yourself.
Mowing the lawn is hard work. But it's the swelling eyes, coughing, wheezing, watery eyes, and insane itchy all over that really bugs me. So not fun. I love summer but I could do without mowing the lawn.

Quote of the Day

I read this just a few moments ago. It made me laugh as I nodded my head in a agreement.

"People will always continue to stump me with their stupidity."

Do you recognize this as your own? Love it.