Adventures in California

I'm back in San Francisco this week.  J has a conference so I tagged along for fun.  We've been here before and it is a bit different the second time around.  We're a bit more confident and we know where we want to go. 

One thing that hasn't changed is how this city makes me feel completely insecure about my looks each time I walk out the door.  I just spent an hour blow drying my hair, curling my hair, and putting on my make up.  That didn't include even include the time it took to shower.  I don't do that home getting ready for work!  California is the land of beautiful people and this city is very on top of the current fashions.  Each time I walk out the door, I feel like a country bumpkin out in the big city. 

Fredericton, NB is about a year behind the fashion here.  The last time I was here, skinny jeans or leggings with boots up to the knee were everywhere.  I wore skinny jeans and boots when I got home but nobody else was doing it.  It took a good year for that trend to take hold at home.  Now, it's very common place.

I've only been here about 24 hours but I'm already noticing the trend here that hasn't hit at home yet.  Skinny jeans with booties.  Booties would be high heel boots that cut off just above the ankle.  They are everywhere.  Unlike the skinny jeans and leggings with the higher boots, I won't be bringing the trend home with me.  But if you want to get a head start, rush out and getting some booties and wear them with your skinny jeans.  Mark my words, a year from know everyone in Fredericton will be wearing them.

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I have but one item on my wish list this year.

Gas, 5 burners, 2 ovens.  I'm in love.

S.

Cooking Sunday

Around here, Sunday is known as cooking day. Original, I know. Normally, each Sunday I make a few things for the week ahead. Typically, I make a soup or casserole for lunches, bread, cookies if JJ is around, and cupcakes This week was somewhat of a fail since I only made cupcakes and one dessert over 2 days. Yesterday I made a dessert called Sopapilla Cheesecake. It was great and very simple to make. It only requires crescent rolls, cream cheese, butter, sugar, vanilla and cinnamon. It will definitely be a keeper. Today I made Lemon Cream and they were only okay. I prefer a light and fluffy cupcake and I found these to be too dense.

I usually enjoy cooking on Sundays but today I just felt like sitting on the couch. So I did. I'm sure I will be cursing myself halfway through the week when I'm stuck eating store bought bread. Yup, that is the glamorous life I lead... in which I complain about eating store bought bread.

It's Been Awhile

I guess you know it's been awhile when it takes THAT long to log in. Geesh. Like everyone else, it's been a busy spring and summer but it's still hard to believe I haven't updated since April. I guess at some point I just ran out of things to say. Anyone who knows me in real life who have a very difficult time believing that.

I'm going to try to maintain this blog but I'm going to worry less about having a "story" or a theme to talk about. I'm going to just update life as it happens. Because more and more I find I'm forgetting the every day things that go on and this is a good place for me to keep track.

Since my last post was about Jamaica, I think it's only appropriate to share that I'm headed back there again in January. Please keep that a secret because it's a Christmas present for the Littlest Princess. She should be (better be) pretty excited! I know am I!

The entire top floor of the house has been painted and redecorated. Next I just need to put up a tile backsplash in the kitchen and it should be all done. Just in time to put this place on the market and get the hell out of dodge! I feel that your neighbour burning grass with a flame thrower only 10 feet from your house is a good indicator that you should move. Actually, I have a whole bag full of those indicators but only a few hours before bed.

What else....I'm going to back to San Francisco in March. That should be fun and a whole different experience from the first time.

My cat is still an asshole. Gorgeous but an asshole just the same.

Jamaica

This time last week, I was just rolling through the door after a week in paradise. The arsehole cat was happy to see me and my tan was still fresh. It's been a rough week of cooking my own meals, making and doctoring my own coffee, no jerk chicken, and not a single person has brought my a slushy drink all week. I know, it's sad but true. We had a great trip! I loved being back in Jamaica. It's a beautiful tropical paradise but it's the people that keep me wanting to go back. It's not easy to put into words. Just a fun loving, friendly people. The resort we went to is called Secrets St. James and it was phenomenal. First class luxury all the way. But, to tell the truth, it was too fancy for me. The customer service was so thorough that it actually made me uncomfortable. We wanted for nothing...they waited on us hand and foot. The food was delicious and the beach was phenomenal. Those are my feet enjoying the beach on our first day. There is a 2 hour time difference so we were sitting on the beach shortly after 6 am each day. I love it. I can sleep at home when it's snowing and cold. I wanted to get every minutes of sun, surf and warmth that I could. We stayed on the beach each day until close to 5 pm. Only getting up for food and drinks. Providing no one delivered them for us.

We didn't even crack a book or magazine for the first few days. We just layed in the sun, people watched, chatted, and enjoyed the water.

This is the view of the pool from my patio. Oh, and my feet again. :) Just off to the right is the beach only 30 seconds from my door.

I took this pic standing on the bridge over the pool that you see in the photo above. Notice the beach just past the infinity pool.

We took our own floaties and it was so worth the weight in the suitcase. One morning at 8:30 am we were floating in the Caribbean Sea drinking Blue Mountain coffee from our Bubba Kegs. It doesn't get any better. Until lunch time when the roaming Jerk Chicken cart comes around and you stuff it into your mouth hand over fist while sipping rum from a coconut beside the Caribbean Sea!!!

We also spend half a day on a catamaran cruise where we got to do some snorkeling and see some local sights. For the snorkeling, they took us to a marine preservation area that happens to be right under the flight path for incoming plane at the airport. One landed while we were in the water and it was so close that I could see up inside the doors for the landing gear and smell the jet fuel. A tad unnerving but really neat too. Notice the hair in the above photo. I had just come out of the water and was in the process of pulling it back when J says "I don't like it when you pull your hair back. It makes you look like everyone else. It looks good down." So I left it down and let it air dry. Looking back at the pics I realized he was right. When my hair air dries after being wet from being in salt water, I don't look like everyone else. I look like a freaking lunatic with a giant, wet, used, rusty SOS pad sprouting from my head. This pic was one of the better ones. Stupid boat with no mirror. Note to self - ignore the comment and pull the hair back. Every. Time.

One of the highlights of the trip, for me, was seeing the Silverbirds Steel drum band. I've seen steel drum bands in Jamaica in the past and I was looking forward to the performance. This group was so incredible. Check them out on YouTube. They started out playing the expected steel drum music and all of a sudden broke into Grenade by Bruno Mars. They made my want to jump out of my seat and dance. They played everything from Micheal Jackson to Lady Gaga, BEP, Rihanna and others I can't even remember. They are awesome to hear but you have to see them dance to fully appreciate everything they do. I would happily pay alot of money to see them perform again.

And, finally, this photo. Stop saying "OMG", it's not what you think. J went back to the room one afternoon and was back on the beach 3 minutes later. He asked me our room number and I told him but asked why he was asking. He told me he went back to the room and thought he had confused our room number because the key wouldn't work.........and there was a Honeymoon banner on the door. We went back to the room and sure enough there it was. Clearly, they put it on the wrong door in error but it provided a great laugh for us. We thought it was hilarious and left it for the week. Too funny.

So those are the highlights. Jamaica is still my favourite Caribbean destination but I believe I should keep travelling and trying different places. You know, just to make sure. ;)

Packed and Ready

My bags are packed and I'm ready to leave for Jamaica. Let's be honest, my bags have been packed since I was supposed to leave in January. Stupid travel agency that I'll never use again. BUT I'm trying to be be bitter. There are 4 days, not counting today because I just ripped it off, left on the countdown calendar and I can't wait to leave. Seven days of sun, sand, drinks, and the Jamaican vibe. I can't wait to go back.

The Forgotten Art

It would seem there is a forgotten art when it comes to posing for photographs. I vote that we bring back the art of gently crossing our legs at the ankle when wearing a skirt and sitting in the front row of a group photo. Otherwise? Heeeelllllooooo Dolly!

Chocolate Bacon Cupcakes

That's not a typo. Last night, I made Chocolate Bacon Cupcakes and I even piped the icing on top. I'll admit that when I tried them last night, I didn't love them but I didn't hate them either. I made a few dozen of them so I decided to pack them up to share with my co-workers.

I had an improptu cupcake party in my office at 8:20 am and those things were flying off the tray. I decided to try another one just to be social and OMG. They are delicious this morning. I guess they just needed to sit for awhile for the flavours to develop.

So there you have it - Chocolate Bacon Cupcakes are delcious and will be made again. One more baking success in my pocket makes me want to continue the quest. I think I might try Vanilla Bean Coconut Cupcakes this weekend and I'm keeping my eye out for some sort of lime flavoured cupcake.

A Whole Lot of Nothing

* Christmas was great! There was nothing earth-shattering that made it great. It was just calm and content.
* I started the Jillian Micheals 20 Day Shred on December 30. I had been using the treadmill every single day for the about 3.5 months before I started the Shred so I thought I would have some endurance. Wrong! It is 20 minutes of pure hell and I almost threw up the first day. It actually has gotten easier and I might just go crazy and try Level 2 today.
* I cannot get my act together today. I forgot to pick up my prescription that I needed for an early doctor's appointment. Then I took a wrong turn on the way there. I simply forgot where I was going.
* Much to someone else's chagrin, I'm bringing my suitcase upstairs tonight and I'm going to start packing. I know it seems a bit early (3 weeks from tomorrow) but I like the excitement and anticipation.
* Why do short work weeks always seem to go by so slowly?

Letters of the Holiday Variety

Dear Christmas,

This year for the first time in a number of years, I'm going to kick your ass this time...instead of the other way around.

Love, S.
*************************************************************************************
Dear Bob Marley,

I'm sorry but I'll be cancelling our "every second Christmas" date this year. I know you're disappointed but I will make it up to you in Jamaica in January. You'll also be happy to know I'm planning to keep my pants on for Christmas this year.

Love, S.

10 Minutes in Walmart

I can accomplish alot of things (and spend alot of money) in only 10 minutes in Walmart. I managed to following:
* spend $48.00
* saved a ton of cash because every single item was on sale
* got all the fixings I need for cocktails
* got almost all the fixings for appetizers
* splashed mud all up the side of my pants
* made 3 new old man friends. The first time they talk to you it's friendly, second time you're developing a relationship. By the time they say "Bye Dear and Have a Merry Christmas!" after speaking to you two other separate times in the store, you are officially BFFs. Three - I made 3 in 10 minutes. I'd say 4 but I'm not certain that the man standing so close that he touched my ass counts as a friend. Yet.

She's a Wheel Watcher!

My daughter is a creature of habit. Every day she watches the same shows. Actually, she rarely watches anything that is not broadcast on channel 252. She doesn't get that from me, I tell you. I'm a channel flipper. I'm always afraid I'm missing something better on another channel.
Every night for the past 2 or so years, the Littlest Princess has watched ICarly at 7 pm in her bedroom. That changed on Monday night.
Monday night, she walked into the livingroom and saw that Wheel of Fortune on tv and said "Mind if I watch with you?" She sat down and after a few seconds proclaimed how much she loved the show and proceeded to watch the whole thing. Last night at 7 pm I said "It's time to snuggle down and watch your tv in your room." She said "Okay, can I watch that Wheel of Jeopardy show again?" I told her she could certainly watch Wheel of Fortune if she wanted. I also asked if she wanted me to watch with her. She said it didn't matter to her but she was watching in her room. Fine the, Miss Thang!
I did go watch the show with her and at one point she turned to me and said "That woman looks like an idiot walking back and forth in front of the words." I asked her please not to call people names and idiot is not an nice word. Then I solved the puzzle.
I think itis a crack up that my 7 year old loves Wheel of Fortune. Just wait until she turns 8. Then it'll be no more Mrs Nice-Mommy when it comes to playing. She has roughly 8+ months to hone her "Wheel Skills" before I unleash my full competitiveness.

You Don't Think You're a Bully?!?!?!

I stumbled across this article when I was reading a blog that Jay has link to her blog. The entire article is completely and utterly offensive. But what makes me shake my head is that the woman who wrote the article doesn't think she's being a bully or offensive! I don't feel I need to comment on this much further. The bitch speaks for herself.

Goodbye, Buddy

Today is a sad day. I have to put my dog to sleep this afternoon. Oliver has been "mine" since the day I brought him home and a cute little black lab puppy. The dog stayed with my ex-husband when we split up because I thought it was the best thing for Oliver and for my daughter. But I still love him and today is a terrible day.
Apparently, he hasn't been eating and took a turn for the worse over the weekend. XH told me about it yesterday and we both agreed that we needed to put him out of his misery. The call was made to the vet this morning and we go at 1:30. I hate to see the end but, to be honest, I wish the appointment was earlier. I guess Oliver couldn't even get up on his own the morning. He has been such an amazing dog and I just don't want him to suffer a minute longer. I saw him yesterday and the suffering was so clear in his eyes. XH will take him to the vet, I will meet them there, XH will leave and I will stay with Oliver. I'll make sure he knows we love him and that he was the best companion we could ask for, I will wrap my arms around him, put my face close to his, and hold him until he is gone.
Today is a sad day but at least Oliver's suffering will end. Thanks for being such a good friend, Buddy.

We Have a Plan and High Hopes

Monday morning was cold and I really, really dislike the cold. As the Littlest Princess and I were getting in the car I said "That's it! I've had enough!". JJ said "Had enough of what, Momma?" I said "Winter and cold! I have plan. I'm going to win the lottery, quit my job and you're going to quit school. We are going to move a warm tropical place, I'll hire a teacher to teach you while we play on the beach." To which JJ said "Mom a warm tropical place would be Florida." I replied "Actually there are lots of countries that are warm all year round." She said "Like Hawaii! Let's live in Hawaii." SOLD! Then I said "You can learn about whatever you want with your private teacher. If you see a dolphin in the surf, you can ask to learn about dolphins. " JJ said "So we'll be rich, right?" and I said "Yes, very." The Littlest Princess said "Can I have a pony?" and I said "Sure and we'll hire someone to scoop the pony poop too. Because we'll be rich." Then came the bubble burster "Momma, how do we win the lottery?" Sigh, good feelings gone. I had to explain that we will probably never win the lottery. She was alright with it. I'm pretty sure she thought I was nuts from the minute the conversation started anyway. She is a good sport. If we win, I'll buy her 2 ponies just for putting up with her crazy, delusional mother.

Here's a Tip for You.....

Historically, I have not tipped at Tim Horton's. I just didn't feel it was necessary. I'm usually a pretty good tipper. I would even go as far as to say I over tip. A few months ago, I started to let them keep my change at Tims. Do I really need that extra $0.50? However, as of today, I am officially back to not tipping at Tim Hortons. Over the past week I have received some good reminders of why I didn't tip there in the first place. Here are just a few of the examples:

* I was sitting in the drive-thru waiting for my coffee and right in front of me one cashier was loudly telling another how she flirts with men to get bigger tips. I was not inclined to believe it worked for her as it appeared she had been repeatedly beaten with an ugly stick. But really, I find it offensive that she was talking like that in front of customers.
* Again in the drive-thru, I pulled up to the window and gave the girl a shiny loony and 3 quarters ($1.75) for my order that came to $1.34. I also smiled and said "That's great, thanks." My coffee was sitting in the window getting cold while she counted out her tip and put in her her tip jar. The next time you see that I've handed you more than the cost and said thanks give me my damn coffee instead of counting your f'ing tips while I wait.
* Today. Today took the cake. My order came to around $1.50 and I gave the guy a toonie ($2). He looked at me and said "Do you want your change?" I looked and him and just shook my head no. I was seething and in my head I was shouting "Yes, I want my change, you uncle fucker!. That is far too presumptuous for my taste. I find it very offensive that he would assume he could keep the change.

So that's it for me. I'm done tipping at Tim Hortons. From now on I want my change. I want every red cent of it. Every stinking penny. You want more money? Then earn it.

Down the Tubes

I was on the road for work today (awful driving weather - incase you were wondering) and I stopped at Tim's for a pee and a coffee in the morning. I went into the stall to complete my task and all of a sudden my cell phone was falling. I watched in horror as is fell towards the toilet bowl. But, low and behold, it missed falling in the flush by JUST a fraction and tumbled on the floor. I was so relieved. You'd think that I would be concerned that my work phone has almost fallen in the flush, been ruined, and would cost someone to replace it. Nuh uh, my biggest concern was that I might have to fish that thing out of the water. I was actually debating, if it had fallen in, could I just left in there and explained what happened? I guess we'll never know. Actually given my clumsy tendencies, we might find at some point.

For the Love of Donuts

My love of donuts is just not natural. It's funny because I'm not really a "sweets person" but I have a weakness for donuts. I stopped at Tim's on my way back to work for coffee and a donut. Fine, I got 2 of them. Whatever. I was eating my donuts while driving in the sunshine. I turned on the radio and lo and behold a song from Dirty Dancing was playing. What more could I ask for? Well alot actually. But you have to be thankful for the small things too, right? For the record, I'm going to be thankful for that pizza and sangria later.
But back to the donuts! So, I'm pretty certain that I could eat a dozen Tim Horton's donuts in one sitting. I'm not fussy about the kind unless it's one of those old fashioned plain. I mean really, what is the good of a donut with no sugar?? My self-respect and, probably more so, my guilt keep me from attempting to eat 12 in one sitting. But let's be honest here, if it was presented as a challenge or a bet and someone gave me the donuts -it would be on! Because my competitive nature would absolutely crush any guilt.

I love donuts. And asparagus - guilt satisfied.

Can't Handle It Anymore

I've been trying very hard not to be such a complainer lately. Okay, well it's not so much complaining as much as feeling a need to point out the dumbness in the world. In any case, I've been trying to stop. Really I have. But I can't handle this one any longer. I have to point out that ear infections are not contagious. Yeah, I know some thing that are contagious can lead to ear infections. I get that. But getting close to someone with an ear infection is not going to spawn an immediate ear infection in you. It's not the the freaking Ebola virus. OMG. Okay, I'm done - back to being nice.

Eyes Wide Open

Well, I received a bit of an eye-opener last week. I had a wellness profile done on Wednesday and they checked things like blood glucose, cholesterol, BMI, weight and then I answered a bunch of questions online. When I was all done, they took the info and produced a 14 page report on your overall wellness and strategies to improve your wellness.
My report came back saying I'm in very good health. My BMI and glucose levels were in a healthy range, and I'm apparently sane. Get this - everyone is supposed to receive a numeric value for cholesteral level. However, mine didn't even register a number. They did it twice and it came back LO. I was quite surprised.
The "not-so-nice" part of the profile was the weight section. I got on the scale and the number came up. I jumped off and asked him to do it again. Same number. Yikes - I had a 14 lbs increase in about 6 months and it's all in my stomach. Not cool. Time to make some adjustments.
In my house, we don't talk about being large, or, thin. We talk about being Heart Healthy. Heart disease runs in my family and I carry my weight in my stomach, that gives me 2 major risks factors for heart disease. I take this very seriously.
I already eat, probably, better than average. I exercise but I'm not fanatical or even committed about it. I try to do some cardio a few times a week but sometimes I get to it and some times I don't. Since Wednesday I've done 30 minutes of cardio every day and I'm going to continue with that. I'm not going to lie. I want to see those pounds go down but more importantly I need to make sure my heart is getting that workout. I may not be super athletic but I'm moving and that's a start. Now I've told the world my intentions. Hopefully that accountability and my own motivation will keep me on this track. I just need to get it firmly embedded as part of my daily routine.

Hey, Sister, are you reading this?!?!?!?

Outta Here....

Well, in 3 1/2 long months. I'm going to Jamaica bitches! It's been a long wait but I'm finally going back. I'm going to be there for my birthday. Now, I have to go get on the treadmill. You can likely find me there until January 28, 2011.

A Close 4th

I really love the summer, the beach, and warm weather. So, of course, June, July, and August are my favourite months. But I have to say that I also love October. I love the fiery red trees, the fall decorations you see around, and the flavours that come out this time of year. Yup, October is definitely my fourth favourite month. Can I get a Whoop Whoop for number 4??

Refreshing

Oh how I love your holier-than-thou attitude. It's like the smell of dog poo on a sunny spring day.

Feeling the Need for a Little Vent

I'm not sure if there is a full moon right now or what. But, I swear, the dumb asses are crawling out from under rocks and multiplying in droves. I have a few things to stay about some of those dumb asses and then I'll try to be nice fore the rest of the day.

There will be a lot of painting going on my my house in the next little while. If you plan on being around, don't just stand there and watch me. Pick up a stupid brush. I don't need a cheering squad, I need to be done.

Hey you, pregnant girl. You are not the first, only, or even last person to be pregnant. You think being pregnant is bad? Wait until childbirth! And let me tell you, child-rearing is no walk in park either.

And you, breast-feeding girl - see the above comment about first, only, and last. OMG.

Word Whiz, this next one is for you - real pretty, real bad, real cute? Holy hell, did you skip English class every single day. While I'm on the topic, hisself and contipate are not words. Since we're all making up words nilly-willy, I know pronounce dumbassedness to be a valid word. You're welcome Webster's Dictionary.

And You, You, You, and You - how about you returning my fucking call for once? Valued customer my ass!

Um, No Thanks

The Littlest Princess had her first voice lesson tonight and she did very well. She was talking the teacher's ear off and hardly letting the woman get a word in edgewise. Finally, the teacher was able to say her piece and got things started so I left. When I returned, JJ was all smiles and thought the lesson was great.
JJ was telling me about the lesson in the car and started singing a song about dinosaurs. I said "Hey that's a great song!" and JJ says "Yeah, Teacher asked me if I wanted to sing a song about dinosaurs. I told her I was more of a cat and dog person." Oye.

Kabob Day 3

Last night was Steak Dinner on a Stick. It was pretty run of the mill, to be honest. Steak flavoured with Montreal Steak Spice, those little potatoes from the can, and onions. I served it with salad. It was good but nothing to write home about. I believe I've now spoiled myself with those other fancy schmancy kabobs.

Side note and totally off topic - I was at the $$ store on Prospect St last night and you'll never guess what happened! I was at the cash register and I was 2nd in line to pay. The girls in front of me and 2 carts FULL of stuff. There were probably 6 other customers behind me also waiting to pay so the cashier calls for another cash to open. The new cashier arrives and she says "I can help whoever is next, over here." Usually that means the person at the end of the line makes a made dash to get there first. This is the amazing part - Not one person in line moved. One even touched me and said "You're next." So I made my way around the line to the other cash register and I'm stunned and totally pleased at the civility and thoughtfulness being exhibited here. Then a lady appears out of nowhere and pops up to the cash ahead of me. The cashier said to her "I'm sorry but this lady (pointing at me) has been waiting much longer." Holy hell! I'm flabbergasted. That has never happened to me before. The $$ store on Prospect St is straight out of another world and I think it might be staffed by fairies. Lovely glowing little fairies with my best interest at heart. Yup, that HAS to be it.

Kabobs Day 2

Last night it was Pork Souvlaki on a Stick. Most times souvlaki is already "on a stick", however, I put the entire meal on the stick. I skewered pork that I purchased already marinated in souvlaki seasoning, red peppers, onions, and tomotoes. I grilled some Naan bread and served it all with Tzatziki sauce. There you have it Pork Souvlaki on a Stick.

Deep Thoughts

As you reach mid-life, keep this little tidbit in mind - Your skirt length should not rise with your age. Ass cheeks and cellulite are skirt accessories best left for home and a ruffle doesn't hide it.

Kabob Challenge

I have decided that I'm going to eat shish kabobs for supper every night this week. I can't really remember what gave me this idea but I'm on board. Yesterday I added to the challenge by deciding that my kabobs should have a theme each day. They will all be own creations and the idea here is simplicity. I'll let you know what I come up with

Last night I had Jambalaya Kabobs - I skewered chunks of Honey Garlic sausages, scallops, tiger shrimp (I seasoned the seafood with Old Bay). I served the kabobs with rice that flavoured with chicken stock and Old Bay. I also BBQ'd corn on the cob and served it with garlic butter. Voila! Jambalaya on a stick, folks!

Grammar 101

"Hisself" is not a word. Try "himself" instead and see out that rolls of the tongue. Hearing "hisself" makes me want to poke out my eyeballs.

Keep a Cover On It

OMG...I just want to look at people and say "I hate you. Go away." in a nice calm voice. Instead, I'm going to go check my lottery tickets, pick up some Cheeseburger Doritos, and some mint. Because if today doesn't call for a healthy round of mojitos, I don't know what does. I think I'll end the day by bashing my head against the wall... repeatedly.

Dry Spell Over!

Well now, that was a bit of a dry-spell but it's over. I've have LOTS to say, all of a sudden.

First, you must go out and try some Cheeseburger Doritos. Don't wait, go now. Just minimize the screen and you can finish reading this post later. GO!

Just so you know, me eating Cheeseburger Doritos driving down the highway is not pretty. I was a little piggie and I'm pretty sure I'm going to find leftovers in my bra later.

All sense of professionalism, decorum and, certainly, grace and sophistication go straight out the window when you step in mud up to your ankle while walking and talking with a client. It seeped through my toes and up over my entire foot and sandal. Trying to rub the mud off your foot in the grass and then bending down and rubbing your shoe on the grass while looking up and talking does not help regain any dignity. At all.

The level of nosiness and resulting outrage exhibited by people in this small city over the most ridiculous issues never ceases to amaze me. It always bring me back to the, always appropriate, quote from our very own Ames, "There are dumb asses amongst us!" Never have truer words been spoken!!

If you are a small business owner catering to a VERY specific niche/clientele, perhaps youshoud refrain from pissing off your customers by acting like a holier-than-thou moron. Yeah, I mean you. And FYI, you are NOT as cute as you think you are. Now, please excuse me while I go tell 10 friends. I expect they will tell 10 of their friends and so on and so forth.

Friday?

Hey Friday! You suck!

Monday Rant

So Facebook. I'm not a Facebook lover and I never have been. I check it a few times a day but I use it mainly for reasons other than personal. I rarely send out friend requests on Facebook (FB from here on out) and I'm not very active on FB at all. If you want to get in contact with me, FB is not the place to do it. I likely won't get your message for a few days (if you send it to my inbox) or at all (if you post it on my wall). Get me the old fashion way....email or phone. :) Just because I don't keep in contact with you on FB doesn't mean I don't like you....it just means I don't really like FB. It's too time consuming to keep up with that much crap. Especially those who document every movement they make in their status. Seriously, I don't care what you had for lunch and that you intend to eat supper too. Billions of other people are going to do the very. same. thing. today.

So here is my Monday Rant about FB. Well, not really a rant so much as me saying "I just don't get it." What is up with giving people limited access to profiles anyway? If you send out a "friend" request or accept one from somebody aren't you imply some level of trust? Then why give limited access? If you don't want them to see things or know things about you then reject the request or don't send it at all. I know someone out there is thinking "What a narrow point of view. What about this and this and this?" The way I see it, is that if you feel the need to hide it from someone or anyone.....don't put it on the internet at all. Once it's out there, it's out there for good. Set up all the passwords you like, it's still out there.
So here's my deal - If you need to limit my access to your profile, just delete me as a friend. I probably won't notice anyway.

Answer Me, Dammit!

Earlier today, Shelley was telling me a story about something that happened the other day. I was surprised by what she was telling me and I said "OMG, really?" but she didn't answer and kept on talking. As she continues telling the story, I say "But how did she know where to find it?" Again, she ignores me and keeps talking. It was at that point that I remember I was listening to a voicemail and not having a live conversation. In my defence, it totally sounded just like her! ;)

I Love You, Friday

I haven't always loved Fridays. In fact, in the not so distant past, I dreaded every second Friday when the Littlest Princess wouldn't be with me. I still miss her the weekends she is with her dad but I deal with it better now.
Last weekend I actually went camping in St. Andrews. Yup, camping, like in a trailer and stuff. Aside from a dangerously close call of almost falling in the campfire, I returned home Sunday in one piece. Dirty and smoky, but in one piece.
This weekend is supposed to be a hot one, my favourite kind. The plan is pretty simple - go to the pool after work, go home, sleep, get up, take JJ to a birthday party, pick her up, go to the pool, go home, sleep. Sunday is supposed to be not so nice so I might scrapbook.
You know, I love my job, my co-workers, and even the organization I work for. But I need to win the lottery tonight because there are far more things I'd rather be doing than working. FYI - if I win tonight the weekend plans will change significantly. Don't bother looking for me.

Stupid Birds, Stupid Long Days

Someone must sit down with my cat and my daughter and explain to them that 4:30 a.m. is completely unacceptable. Someone should also explain to the cat that sitting on my head at that ungodly hour does not improve my disposition. On the bright side, the child did not sit on my head. She wins over the cat on that account but they're both still on my shit list.

Thought for the Day

Your opinion holds absolutely no validity for me if you have to hide behind the "name" Anonymous. In fact, the names Anonymous and Coward are strikingly similar.

Beware!

Thinking about sending your dog to a kennel in the F'ton area? Please take the time to read this first - Beware! Be the voice and the advocate for your pet.

It's a Good Thing She's Cute!

Conversation #1 - in the car on the way home from after-school care.

me - (laughing) Funny your lips are blue!
daughter -(scowling) That's not funny! (whiny voice) It's not nice to laugh at me.
me - JJ that is not something to cry about. You are being overly sensitive.
daughter - (quietly) It could be worse. I could be flatulent.


Conversation #2 -in the washroom at Jungle Jim's. Ladies room is called Jane, Mens is called Tarzan
daughter - I bet things are pretty different in the jungle.
me - Yup, I bet you're right.
daughter - Yeah, you can be flatulent whenever you want and not worry.
me - What is it with you and flatulence today?!?!
daughter - I don't know. It just makes me a little bit happy.
me - Apparently.

Quote of the Day

This is the best line I've heard in a loooooong time. "I'm sorry I couldn't make my appointment because I was temporarily dead." Fair enough.

Living It Up!

Friday night + a few drinks + Operations (the game from your childhood) = a few good laughs. Unfortunately, when you start as early as I did, it means you can't make it to a friend's house 5 mins away. Sorry, LW. Maybe a drink as soon as you walk through the door isn't the best idea in the end.

True Love

Oh, Mojitos I could never be mad at you and your limey goodness. TGIF!

Tips from a Non-Fashionista

Fashion tip - If you're skirt is short enough that I can see your ass cheeks, you should NOT wear it to work.

One to What???

I just received a call asking me to complete a phone survey on telecommunications. I don't mind taking a few minutes to complete a survey. I feel bad for the people calling - it must be a challenge to get people to participate. So we're trudging through and it not so bad. Then she tells me she needs me to rate some information from 1 to 100. Thinking I misunderstood, I said "1 to 100 ?" and she said "Yes, 100. 1 being not likely at all and 100 being very likely" And I started to laugh right out loud. Seriously, rating from 1-10 is bad enough. But 100? I'm less likely to use that company based on their rating system alone. Oye.

Go Team!

I think I need a new tattoo. A large one right in the middle of my forehead that says "Shut your mouth". Apparently I need this reminder every time I look in the mirror. Today I gave a co-worker a heads up regarding a nasty situation that was going down that they were about to walk into. I was trying to save said co-worker from having a shitty day. My bad. My info was met with a snooty, know-it-all attitude. Last I heard we all played for the same team and worked under the same mission statement. Clearly I was wrong. Someone do me a favour and hand out jerseys so I know what team I play for.
Next time I'm keeping my mouth shut and in the words of Sue Sylvester they can "rip you a new one". So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Bling? Not really his thing.

Cats really don't like to wear strands of beads. Not even manly blue. Who knew??

There is a time and a place...this isn't it.

When I gasp in the last hour of the work day and say "OMG, I just deleted the document I've been working on all afternoon!" please do not respond by walking into my office and telling me about your weekend! At this particular moment, I really don't give a rat's ass. WTF?!?!

Fashion Faux Pas

I think that perhaps I need to reconsider the outfit I wore today. I was uncertain about it from the get go. I looked in the mirror and thought "Hmm...not really sure." So I decided to seek advice. I asked the Littlest Princess her opinion. Her response was to grab my arm look me in the eyes and say "Don't change a thing, Mommy."
Now in all honesty, I took her opinion with a grain of salt. I enter the outfit she chose for herself yesterday as evidence - a black and white tropical dress that used to belong to me, brown leggings, a white t-shirt with red and pink hearts, a long green dangly necklace, pink skateboard shoes, gobs of pink eye shadow and pink lip gloss. . In any case, I decided my outfit wasn't terrible and that I was too lazy to change.
When I got to work, I received a compliment on my outfit. Oh god, red flag, ALERT, ALERT!!! The compliment giver is a terrible dresser!
This outfit will be removed from the rotation and I certainly won't be asking Miss Fancy Pants for fashion advice in the mornings any longer.
Parenting Lesson #351,128 - Six year olds don't necessarily give the best fashion advice.

Things I Learned Over the Weekend

Yard work can be fun when done with the right person.

Anti-histamines still cause me to sunburn like a mofo.

One bike ride every 3 years will cause a sore butt.

The ride home is always uphill and more difficult.

My cat can be an asshole at 3 am AND 5 am. He's usually at an asshole at 5am.

My cat purrs when you put a harness on him to go outside. Oh wait, maybe that's why he was an asshole at 3 am too.

Collars go around the neck...not under the arms. Whatever, it seemed logical to me.

Mojitos are the PERFECT afternoon cocktail. Oops, I already knew that one.

I'm not the only person buying liquor before noon at an agency store 2o mins outside the city on a statutory holiday.

You can spray paint your ugly old window shutter for $18 and they will look 100% better.

Spray paint makes you dizzy.

You can hide the painted rocks by simply raking.

Two evenings a week are not enough chances to win the lottery.

Apparently walking around to music is considered ballroom dancing....if your name is Kate Gosselin. Someone, please, help me to not look.

Here's Your Hat. What's Your Hurry?

This is the conversation my 6 year old daughter and I had on the way to school this morning:

JJ - "Mom, what is this?"
Me - "Oh, that's reusable shopping bag. It folds up and snaps like that to fit in your purse. Handy, huh?"
JJ - "I love it, Momma! You know, I'm not much of a shopper here but I sure like to shop in Florida!"
Me - "Mmmm...me too!"
JJ - "Can I have this bag when you die?"
Me - "Yeah. Sure."

Nice. Reminds me of my sister.

Bon Jovi Bound

So, this time tomorrow I'll be well on my way to Montreal to see Bon Jovi with a bunch of my besties. It's going to be so fun. Seeing Bon Jovi in concert is one of the items on my "List of Things To Do" and I'm looking forward to crossing that one off. I wasn't able to go this past summer because I was moving. To be honest, I'd rather see them at the Bell Centre anyway.

Woot! Jon, we're coming, Honey!

Thought for the Day

If you are too stupid to navigate a drop off circle, then you are too stupid to have children. You can quote me on that one.

A Never Ending Cycle

Dear Crosswalk User,

It's called a traffic pattern for a reason, it happens over and over again and always in the same order. We all take turns crossing the road and turning so that our cars and your body don't collide. Standing there hitting the crosswalk button repeatedly, rolling your eyes, throwing your hands in the air, and yelling curse words won't make the walk light change any faster. It just helps people like me identify you for the moron you are. Thanks for the heads up.

x0x0

Serenity Now

The littlest Princess has now been puking and pooping for 2 days. I though we were in the clear when she last puked yesterday at noon. However last night at 12:52 I hear "Momma!" It was very messy all night and we didn't get back to bed until 6:04 this morning. Things have been going quite well today. Until about 10 mins ago when the f'ing cat puked on my bed. Will it ever end? All I need now is my special friend how up later and puke on the floor. Then I can call it a full house.

If It Looks Like a Duck.....

I think it is a strong indication that you are not in a for a good day when your child comes in the bathroom while you're in the shower and says - "Momma, I tooted and pooped my pants!". Oye.

Ohhhh...Jenn W

Jenn you would sooo be in heaven here. It's a foodie's paradise. I had Thai food tonight at Osha Thai and it was to die for. We started with green tea Mojitos and we had Volcanic Beef and Spicy Catfish. I never thought I'd order catfish but I did and it was incredible. As incredible as it was, the Volcanic Beef was even better. It was the most flavourful succulent beef ever. All served with sticky rice. I vowed that I would sit there until all the food was gone. I almost feel bad that I'm here instead of you. As much as I'm enjoying the food here, I know that you would appreciate it that much more.

Seagulls and Pie

After 12 hours of walking today, I'm laying in bed drinking rum and coke. Two highlights today - One was when I was dived bombed by a seagull trying to steal my shrimp and crab as I crossed a street. Arsehole bird, it hit my hair! Two was when I ordered chicken pot pie at a diner and they brought me the whole freaking pie.

San Francisco

Well, I'm here. What a trip to get here. We got up at 2:30 in the morning NB time and finally arrived at the airport in ran Francisco at 4 pm NB time. This place is great! Lots to see and do. Unfortunately, jet lag got the best of me and I was in bed last at 6:30 pm local time. I slept for 12 hours but now I'm ready to go! There is so much shopping to do and so many places that I need to eat.

Hints from Heloise

The littlest Princess isn't feeling so hot today so we decided to have a stay home day together since I'm leaving for a week. She is a super duper little helper when it comes to household chores. We were just downstairs changing the laundry and I handed her a fabric softener sheet to put in the dryer. She looked up at me and said "Why don't you just use the Bounce Bar? It is much easier and it lasts for up to 4 months." I asked her how she knew that and she said she saw it on TV. I cracked up. I've had many people comment to me that the child is going to be a star. I suspect you will see her on TV someday but it will likely be in an infomercial.

Thursday's Leader

The school my daughter attends is piloting a program that I think is called The Leader in Me. The kids learn and live/work by 7 habits they are being taught. Things like "Think Win-Win, Be Proactive, Being with the End in Mind" etc. I think they've basically taken the 7 Habits if Highly Effective People and adapted it for children. These kids are very much into the program.

So this week is Winter Carnival at school and they've been having dress up days each day based on one of the habits. Yesterday was dress like your favourite sports leader. After some head scratching we came up with a figure skating costume - a tutu and a medal.

Today's theme is dress like the leader you want to be. Oye - that school has it out for me. I was completely stumped for an idea. Even as I was getting JJ dressed this morning I was still trying to come up with something. So I was telling her that I was fresh out of ideas and talking, blah, blah, blah. JJ looked at me that I was out of my mind and said "If I need to dress like leader, I'm just going to dress like you! And then I melted on the floor and it would have been the perfect time for her to ask for a pony.

JJ came up with what she needed to put on to look like me. She decided she needed a ring, a necklace, black shoes (because apparently I wear black shoes every day), and lipstick. We both already have curly hair so that one was in the bag.

She made my day without even trying.

Duck and Cover

Growing up, I often heard that Fredericton was known for having bad drivers. I have no idea if there is any statistical truth to that or not. Either way, I don't think Fredericton necessarily has BAD drivers. I think Fredericton has INCONSIDERATE drivers. A whole bunch of inconsiderate bastards. I mean the streets are lousy with the inconsiderate ones. Even the school drop off zone is not immune from the cling-ons.
Every morning that I drop my daughter off at school, I see the same van parked in the same spot regardless of the traffic flow. She won't pull up to allow more cars in, nope, she needs to park smack in the middle. Screw the rest of us suckers, she was there first and this lady knows what she wants. Cars are lined up down the street trying to get kids to school and every morning she takes FOREVER getting her kid out of the car. We receive memos and voicemails on a regular basis reminding us that we are to be quick in the drop of zone. It's a drop off zone not a parking spot. Hello, school? Stop sending me those memos. Save yourself some time and trees. Send one memo to the van lady with her name in big letter, telling her to MOVE!
This morning I really wanted to get out of my car, walk over and kick her in the teeth. But the teacher was right there and I didn't want detention. I have to much to do at lunch today.

Every Once in Awhile.....

My job, for the most part, is pretty negative. Without going into detail, I see people on a daily basis that are in crisis, some are chronically ill, in chronic pain, about to lose their home, living in horrible conditions, sometimes they hate me, sometimes they threaten me. I make a choice not to let it get me down, not to let the negativity take over. Because every once in awhile, I get a chance to make a positive difference for someone, to make their life better, a little easier, to let them know that someone, even a perfect stranger, is willing to step up and go to bat for them. And every once in awhile it works out. Today is one of those days and that makes it a good day.

Your Name Please?

You'd think after working for the same department for the last 10 years, they could get my name right by now.

Wow, You're a Pig

I was sitting here just after lunch and I heard a great big, loud, disgusting burp from an office somewhere around me. Seriously? I'm sure the conference room full of people down the hall enjoyed that too. Save it for home loser . Your wife sure knows how to pick them.

Envious, right?

I am the epitome of klassy and sophistimacated. Here I sit in bed watching Inglorious Basterds, drinking wine with Sprite mixed in and eating Zesty Cheese Doritos. Don't you just wish you were me?

I'll Intervention You!

This conversation took place last night with my special friend while watching The Family Guy. They had just made a comment about Robin Williams no longer being funny and the screen flashed to an animated Robin Williams with lines on his arms.

SF: Oh yeah, look at the cuts on his arms.
Me: Yeah, because Robin Williams is known for being a cutter. Watch much Intervention?
SF: Ooooh.
Me: Maybe you should watch less Intervention.

Laughter to the point of crying ensued. Seriously, who guesses he's a cutter before thinking he's a hairy, hairy man?!?! However, the sympathy was touching. ;)

A Few Randoms because OMG I Need to Sleep

* I very much dislike roast beef. You know how people rave that it is so tender that is falls to pieces? That makes me want to vomit. I made my own roast beef the other day, it turns out I don't hate it. I just need to cook my own. Red wine and steak spice help. Oh it turns out I like gravy too.

* My cat is retarded and is balancing on the top of my head while I type. What is worse, is that I won't bother to move him.

* I made homemade bread for the first time this past week. It was so good, I made it again 2 days later. Oddly, I don't eat bread....until now.

* I woke up at 1 am this morning and realized my cat was under my arm. I moved and he didn't. So, I sat straight up in bed and loudly said "OMG, I killed the cat. I think the cat is dead!". Then I couldn't remember his name. I knew we had changed it but couldn't remember what we changed it to. His name is Cooper. I kept calling him Carter in the night and couldn't get back to sleep.

* Disney isn't very smart when making children's movies. The new one out, "The Princess and the Frog", features a "bad guy" who makes shadows do his dirty work. Millions of kids are now afraid of their own shadow. That's some good work, boys.

* 2:00 am today - my daughter wakes up terrified of the thing on the wall that is making shadows chase her and of the skeleton in the top hat. Dude, what were you thinking when you made that movie?!?!

* 4:20 am and the Littlest Princess finally fell back to sleep after 3 complete rounds of the High School Musical CD. All I want to do, is be with you, be with youuuuuu. There's nothing we can't do.....

* 4:45 am - my neighbour decided to snow blow his driveway beside my head with his mofo tractor that is so loud it vibrates my entire bed. Unfortunately, the snow kept getting stuck so he had to bang the blower part on the drive way repeatedly. I was soooo angry that I paced the house and trying to a) not cry b)go outside, pull him off his tractor, and kick him in balls over and over and over again. I went back to bed and listened until.......

* 7:20 am my daughter comes in and says "Those people are so loud they woke me up!". No shit.

* I had 1.5 hours sleep last night and I'm crochety.

* Poutine made with roasted garlice havarti is very, very good.

Circle K

The following conversation took place at the Irving a few minutes ago.

Me: Hi! Can I get a Lotto Max for tonight and a 649 for tomorrow night too? (I was buying ice and sprite for my wine...klassy).
Cashier: You got ID?
Me: Hmmm...actually I don't.
Cashier: Can't sell them to you. (looking like she sucked a big ass lemon).
Me: No worries. *smile and small giggle* This is actually the 2nd time this has happened in the last few weeks and I'm actually 32. (I'll be 33 a month from tomorrow but I didn't tell her that).
Cashier: Sure. (with a snotty look).
Me as my smile disappears: Actually, you hold on I'll get that ID from the car.
I walked back in and put it on the counter. Nothing from her.
You know, I realize she has a job to do and I was fine with it. I said no problem, I smiled and made conversation and was going to go on my merry way. She didn't have to be such a bitch. She has not aged well at all and is probably insanely jealous that at 32 years old and have a youthful face and she has a full grown mustache. Sucks to be you.

Scratchin' the Ole Beer Belly

I often use this blog as an outlet to poke fun and the ridiculous things I see going on around my office. Today, I have to call myself out. I deserve it.

I went to the washroom a few minutes ago and as I was walking down the hall I realize that I had lifted up my shirt and was scratching my stomach. That is sooooo not what anyone needs to see and, thankfully, there was no one else in the hall. I chuckled to myself to being so classy and went on my merry way.

There you have it, I'm not immune to doing the very same things that I like to laugh at in other people.

Look-A-Like

I was watching the original version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas with the Littlest Princess the other night. All of a sudden it struck me that the Grinch reminds me of someone. Before you guess, it's not Jim Carey. He reminds me of...........Dr. Gregory House.

You Can't Fool Me with a Bow

I can totally tell that your "shoes" are really slippers. I'm just jealous I didn't think of it myself. Do my pajamas count as business casual? Is bed-head a style? Are showers mandatory? I need to know!

Tidbits

* I got a kitten on Remembrance Day. Her name was Lucy until she went to the vet. Now HIS name is Cooper and he is not well-endowed. He thinks he's a human baby and won't let me out of his sight. He also thinks it is acceptable to sleep in my bed under the covers. He is lucky that I sleep soundly and don't discover him until I wake up in the morning.

* Dairy Queen has made my Iron Grilled Sandwich differently each of the last 3 times I've gotten one. Today, I got bacon AND cheese. SCORE!

* I went to Montreal this past weekend to see a Lady Gaga concert. I didn't end up seeing her and I got locked in a mall late a night. I'm talking chains and padlocks on the outside of the door sort of lock in. What is even funnier is that I was completely oblivious to it. Good times.

* I started my Christmas shopping on Sunday November 21st at 2pm. I was almost completely done by Monday November 22 at noon. I just have to pick up some candy on my last grocery order before X-mas. That makes me a Christmas shopping bad ass.

* Dijon mustard, much like bacon, makes almost anything better.

* I don't understand why a grown adult has to walk down the aisle at Walmart, and turn on every single dancing and singing Santa. What is wrong with you, Jerkass?!

* If the white beard on your Santa Clause decoration has turned brown, it's time to throw it out.

* Since I made the request, I'm going to make each of the recipes posted HERE this month. I say that now but it could change if they are really hard. Because I'm spleeny that way.

Recipes....Post'em Here

Over the past few days, I've seen alot of Facebook statuses, heard alot of conversations, read many emails all with the same question - Does anyone have any good Christmas recipes? So, let's post them here.
Now, I know alot of people read this blog but don't leave comments. There is an option to leave your comment anonymously, so come half out of the closet and leave your recipe if not your name. Participaction makes the job happen....or something like that.

It's Just Not Funny...Not Even a Little Bit

I've complained many times on here about the disgusting state of the washrooms in my office. It's not the cleaning staff. They do a great job and I feel bad for what they put up with in having to clean that bathroom. I just cannot comprehend how grown adult women can be such disgusting pigs.

I went to the washroom a little while ago and this is what I encountered. There are 4 stalls in there. One had fecal matter (poop) on the toilet seat and the bowl was full of toilet paper and waste. Another had urine all over the seat. Normal, socialized adults do not do this shit.

Seriously, you're no better than a bunch of poo flinging monkeys.

You Might be a Germophobe if.....

You know it's a good indication that you might be a germophobe when you look over at the person washing their hands next to you and you smile while thinking "Nice hand-washing technique! She even got under her nails."

I might be a germophobe.

For All Your Holiday Needs!

I look forward to the flyers each Thursday morning. They are always waiting for me at the end of the driveway, rain or shine. The delivery person doesn't really care if it's raining when they throw them from the car late Wednesday night so rain usually means "un-readable". But that's not the point here.

The stack of flyers seem to grow significantly around this time of year. Businesses are trying to hawk their wares under the guise of making things easy for the consumer this holiday season. Now I will be the first to admit that the flyers do help me with me shopping list. What cracks me up, is the businesses who don't put out flyers through out the rest of the year but start at Christmas. Again, all under the guise of meeting all your Holiday needs.

Here are a few examples from the stack this morning.

* Hakim Optical - "Give the Joy of good vision." Yup, I'll explain that one to the Littlest Princess on Christmas morning. I'd better get a punching bag too so she has some place to get out her aggression over the craptacular gift. Or maybe my dad "Merry Christmas Dad! Now that your old, I thought bi-focals would be a great gift!"
* Kia (a car dealership) - No catchy phrase here, just a big red bow on a car and low, low price FROM $20,245. Hmmm...who should I gift this too? My sister. "No, no, don't feel bad that you didn't get me anything. It's just a little something I picked up, no biggie." Nothing says practical like buying cars as X-mas gifts. I'd like to know how well that campaign does during this Holiday Season/Economic Crisis.
* Shur Gain Feeds and Needs - "You can be Shur!" Yeah, I'm SHUR my mother will love a pig ear and scratching post. Her nails have been looking scraggly lately and if she doesn't stop chewing on the new furniture my dad will have a bird!

Who says Christmas is too commercial?!?!?!

Uh....thanks but NO!

My 6 year old daughter has taken an interest in the local SPCA and has decided to donate everything in her piggy bank to the cause. Since she is being so generous, this morning I sent out an email to friends and family explaining what JJ is doing and asking for support - cash or items from the SPCA wish list.

Wish liste here - http://www.frederictonspca.ca/our_wishlist.aspx

I received a few responses including this one from my sister that almost got me in trouble with the IT dept for spitting coffee on my computer:

"I’d like to donate one asshole cat."

She didn't even bother to sign her damn name... but it sure made me laugh. I don't think I'll share that offer of support with JJ.

Here is an Idea....

How about you stop referring to your clients as "swine"?

I'm Beginning to Think I Shouldn't be Allow in Public

Is it just me? Am I too picky? Do I hold the average person to an unrealistic expectation? Do I judge the human race to be smarter than it really is? What is the damn problem?

I'm starting to think I should be confined to my own home. Out in public and even at work I'm both appalled and shocked by the dumbness and inconsideration around me. I just went to the kitchenette on my floor to wash my coffee mug. As per usual, there is a nasty used tea-bag in the sink. WTF? Are you planning to use it again? Perhaps storing it in the bacteria filled sink adds to the flavour? Or maybe you like to play Russian Roulette - "What disease can I get today?" Be an adult. Turn around 180 degrees and put the soggy, nasty tea bag in the garbage can. I think it's gross when people do that in their own house. Leaving it there for your co-workers brings that treat to a whole new level. In addition to that, just who do they think is going to eventually put the soggy mass in the garbage can and clean the sink? You can damn well bet it won't be me. I'm staying away from there. I'd rather risk food-poisoning that have any responsibilty for the clean-up and management of that room.

Upward and Onward

Okay, I've left my public service announcement up long enough.

So, does anyone watch Glee? I love that show! Actually, the story line bores me a bit but I l0ve the musical numbers. Sunday and last night, I re-watched all the musical number on "Rogers on Demand". My favourite numbers are the mash-ups they did last week. The guys did a mix of Bon Jovi "It's My Life" and some other boy band song. Maybe it's called "This is My Confession"? Not sure but I keep rewinding it and watching it again. The girls did a mix of Beyonce's "Halo" and Katrina and the Waves "Walking on Sunshine". The girls were good but I liked the boys better.

I'm thinking I might just wait for the episodes to air "On Demand" so I can fast forward to the musical numbers....and the commercials.

Listen to Me and Listen to Me Good

If you have not had a tetanus shot in the last 10 years, go get one immediately. I'm not even kidding. Take your hand off the mouse and run to get one.

How was my weekend? Well it sucked ass due to a dose of tetanus...otherwise known as lock jaw. Go google tetanus or lockjaw and come back and read the rest of this.

3 weeks ago, I stabbed myself in the hand with a corn on the cob holder. 6 days after that, I started to get a sore jaw. I didn't think much of it. But as time went on over the last 2 weeks it got progressively worse each day. I was unable to open my mouth wide enough to yawn, yet I couldn't close it enough to make my molars touch in the back. My ear started to hurt, my teeth hurt, my face hurt, my head hurt. Then the base of my skull started to hurt, the next day my neck hurt, then my shoulders and finally my back down to the bottom of my shoulder blades. My back hurting started this Wednesday.
I had a doctor's appointment on Thursday for something completely different. Rewind here for a minute - I need to add I've cut myself a few times over the past few months and my brother-in-law, Jon, always tells me to get a tetanus shot or I'll get lock jaw. Back to the present, Wednesday before my appt the next morning, I googled lock jaw just for kicks. Holy shit! I had most of the symptoms. The only ones I didn't have were convulsions, coma, and respiratory arrest.
Thursday morning arrives and I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I even called in sick to work. When I got to my appt, I described my symptoms to the nurse and then added that I'd cut myself and not had a tetanus shot in at least 15 years. She looked at me and said "You have lock jaw." A medical student hears my story and says the same thing. Then my doctor gets a rundown from the med student. He stick his head in the room and says "We think you have tetanus. We need to call an infectious disease specialist in Saint John to get advice on how to treat you." I wait in the waiting room while they call. After awhile they tell me they are calling someone in Halifax.
So I sat there for over an hour thinking they would write me a prescription for pain and some sort of antibiotic. WRONG. The med student eventually comes out and take me into the hallway and says "We spoke to Halifax and you need to go to the hospital immediately. Do not go anywhere else, go straight there. There is an internist (internal medicine doctor) waiting for you in the ER. Go right now. You could go into respiratory arrest any minute and you may be admitted to ICU. You need to be monitored very closely. You could die from this." I say okay and off I go. Needless to say, I'm bawling my face off, I can't get out of the damn parking lot because I'm too worked up to put money in the machine to let me out. I'm a mess and driving myself to the hospital.
I arrived at the ER, walked to the triage area sure enough, they were waiting for me. I could hear a bunch of people saying my name and saying "She's here. That's her." I'm losing my mind at this point. A nice clerk comes over and says "Are you Sarah?" I said yes and she says "Janet is on the phone. She wants to know if you want her to come. " Thanks, Jan. I said I was okay she didn't need to come. Thankfully, she showed up later regardless.

Within 20 minutes (I think) I was registered to talking to the internal medicine specialist resident. One of the first things the Dr. tells me is that only 4 people had this in all of Canada last year. Luckily it seems I only have a mild case. Before the end of a 2 hour span, I saw the resident, her boss doctor and the head of ICU. At this point, I'm realizing this is serious. The told me I was not going home because I needed to be watched closely. From what I understand, because the disease was progressing through my body, it could affect the muscles in my chest and stop me from breath. I would be unable to speak to even call for help. Super f'ing fantastic.

My cousin, showed up just after I was told that part of my treatment would be 12 shots one right after the other. That right, TWELVE SHOT ONE AFTER THE OTHER. Sure makes that one tetanus shot sound like a walk in the park, huh? Get a tetanus shot right now.
I had to stay in the ER for at least an hour after the shots in case I reacted. The doctor said if I reacted they'd be able to do more for me in the ER than on a floor. Doesn't give warm fuzzy feelings, does it?
Jan and I had alot of laughs in the ER. She also kept showing me off to her co-workers. She would say "This is my cousin. She has lock jaw!" No one but my family doctor and my cousin had the opportunity to see tetanus in real life before. It's that rare. Rare because most of the population is smart enough to get a tetanus shot. But not me. Go get one now.

So I spent Thursday to this morning, Saturday in the hospital hooked up to a heart monitor and an IV. FYI - the meds that I got through the IV every 6 hours burned like crazy. Get a damn shot this instant. I was very happy to come home today because the last couple of days have sucked like you cannot imagine.
So all this action was for a mild case of tetanus. Makes me damn thankful it was mild. Apparently, in the serious cases, they have to paralyze the patient because the muscle spasms can be so violent they can break their own bones.

Yesterday, the internal medicine resident asked me if she could write a case report on me because tetanus is so rare and I said yes. My doctor also told me his med student was very excited by my case. I'm just doing my part for the medical cause.

There is no test they can do at the hospital to say whether or not I really have tetanus. They have to send my blood work to Ontario and it takes 2-3 weeks for the results. Because the disease is so serious, if they think you have it they need to treat you right away.

I kept smiling and laughing through all of this but I'll be honest. Every time I felt any twinge in my body I was afraid I was going to stop breathing. I tried to convince myself it was no big deal. But laying in hospital Thursday night, unable to sleep and nothing to do but think. I could not help but see my daughter's face and I think she could have lost her mother because I was too lazy to get a tetanus shot. This is a serious disease and could have been much, much worse. It all could have been avoided if I'd gotten a tetanus shot. Please don't let your tetanus vaccination get out of date. It's an avoidable disease and it's just not worth the risk. I'm also very thankful that Jon likes to tease me. Otherwise I may not have mentioned it to my doctor and it could have been too late by the time I relized how sick I was.

This story might be a bit rambly and disjointed but it's still somewhat surreal to me. Jan please feel free to correct any information that is inaccurate.

Cocooning

Some days I'm just tired of fighting "the good fight". Bad fight, good fight, whatever, I'm tired just tired of it. I'm tired of everything being such a struggle. When I'm tired of the struggle, my instinct is always to cocoon. I hunker down in bed with a blanket around me and all the other blankets on me with just my face sticking out. This is obviously rather uncomfortable in the summer. Today I really, really need to cocoon. However, I will haul myself up to the mall for laser hair removal instead. After that, I'm cocooning and I'll be out when I'm good and ready.

So Funny

Over to the left of the screen there you'll see a link to Dooce.com...I'll wait while you look. She has added a new feature to her blog - at the top right hand side there is a tab called "Hate". She is now regularly posting some of the hate mail she gets. She used to blog semi-regularly about the hate mail and those posts would crack me up. Now I can get a pretty much daily fix. That is some good shit, I tell you. I find it down-right hilarious because these people are so upset with her. Seriously, if you don't like her writing then STOP READING IT! Rocket science, I know.

Just Shut Your Pie Hole Already

I have a defect. It's the fact that I don't seem to have a filter between my brain and my mouth. I have a thought and it immediately comes out my mouth without any pit stops along the way. This exchange took place in the washroom this afternoon.

Me: (walking into the stall) "It smells like horse manure in here!"
Co-worker: "Yes, someone just left."
Me: "OH! I didn't think that was human....(not done talking but she cuts in)"
Co-worker: "It is."
Me: "I mean I thought something was wrong with the air vents or plumbing."
Co-worker: ....silence.....
Me: "Yeah, next time I'll just keep that to myself."
Co-worker: "Yes."

Case in point.

Love Your Pics ;)

I know you think the photos of you dancing at a club that you posted on Facebook are really hot. But, really,the pics of you with the sweat marks on your shirt right under your boobs should be saved for your eyes only. No need to share everything on Facebook. There is a lesson to be learned here - Boob sweat stains are, most certainly, not hot. You can take that one to the bank.

Klassy and Sophisti-ma-cated

The black bra under your thin white blouse is fan-fucking-tastic and professional to boot. Knock'em dead in that meeting you just walked into.

Cute But Stupid

I went to see Inglorious Basterds last night with a friend. Below is an email that was sent to a few of our other friends about the movie.

Picture this - Sitting at the theatre, watching inglorious basterds. Very tense scene. Nazi security psycho has a woman in a room, suspects she is a spy. Days earlier, he found a shoe, he suspects belongs to the woman and has it in his jacket. Woman is sitting, Nazi is sitting as well facing her. Nazi asks for her foot. Woman… shaking, lifts it and puts it only his knee. Nazi asks her to reach in his pocket and pull out what she finds… the shoe is in there. Princess somehow forgot about the shoe part…. Leans over to me and says in a whisper…. “HE’S GOING TO CUT OFF HER TOES”.

Uh, no… he’s going to see if the shoe fits. Oh yeah.

If Tommorow Never Comes

I can hear country music coming from another office down the hall. If music makes you feel good then, by all means, turn it on. However, please close your door. As Mr. Garth Brooks says "If tomorrow never comes....." I will scratch out my own ear drums and lock them in the drawer beside me.

One and the Same

Printer paper and toilet paper seem to be one and the same in my life. Every time I go near either one of them....I have to refill them. It's understandable at home....I live with an almost 6 year old. She doesn't know how to change it. At work, it seems like I fill that printer with paper every time I go near it. Ahhh....maybe they hired me specifically for my paper filling ability. I don't think that was even listed on my resume. I must be THAT good. Everyone has a role in life and I guess that's mine.

I Got a Pocketful, Got a Pocketful of Sunshine

Picture it, Woodstock 2009, and the Dunphy clan moves in. My cousin and her husband hosted a family ho-down at their place this weekend. Thanks guys, you are wonderful hosts. A good time ho-down it was. I can't even count how many people were there. It was a long night but here are a few highlights.

* the man and women segregated at Man Camp and Women's World. One man breaking all convention and setting up in the middle of Women's World. He said talking about diesel trucks is boring and Women's World was more fun. Damn right.
* swimming in the river. The water was low but running fast. It was my favourite part of the day. I loved it.
* wine on the pot luck table. Enough said!
* Karaoke - Janet and I singing "There's a Tree Out in the Backyard"...with no music. Janet and I singing "Just Dance". The kids loving karaoke.
* The Littlest Princess singing "Tomorrow" from the movie Annie in front of everyone...with her back to the audience. :)
* "I need the TV. T...V. Bring me the TV.........and a drink."
* selling porta-potty tickets.
* Dorothy donating her winning to the porta-potty fund.
* Auntie Lisa, I'm sorry I stole your Travelocity Gnome and sent it to Alberta. But he will have the trip of a lifetime!
* Auntie Michele, sorry for standing outside your tent telling you to get up after you went to bed.
* Hi, my name is Joe. And I work in a button factory. The other day boss came up to me. And he said Hi Joe. Are you busy? And I said No. So I turned the button with my right hand. Hi, my name is Joe.... Auntie Lisa thanks for being the first to join me in that and so enthusiastically at that.
* Thanks to Tracy and Janet for the rump shaking in front of the fire. However, some were afraid we were going fall in the fire. Maybe it was when I yelled "Tracy and Janet, hold me up so I don't fall in the fire!" that caused the alarm. I guess we'll never know.
* The fireworks rocks.
* Girl cousins, we really need to re-think arse darts in a completely dark field. Damn it was hard to find my quarter!
* Thanks to everyone for finding my shoes. Again....and again. They are tricky little buggers to keep track of.
* Janet - you'll just get used to them!!!
* it turns out it's rather difficult to share an MP3 player with another person while dancing in front of a bon fire. Thanks for being a good sport, Trace.
* Sunday morning my sister looked at me and said "There was no coming back from where you were last night."
* Sorry to my entire family for drilling "Pocketful of Sunshine" into your heads. I know, I'm still singing it too.
* Sorry for stealing the Family Talent Show trophy. I did return it Sunday morning.

So I guess that prompts the question "Who won the Family Talent Show?" I'm pleased to announce that the winner of the First Annual Family Talent Show is........ME!!!!

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine. I got a love and know that it's all mine. Oh, oh woh, oh oh.

Say What, Moron?

This morning JJ shared that the "leaders" at daycare do not help them put on sunscreen. JJ is almost 6 years old. I explained it would be very hot today and she must get help putting sunscreen on her back...from an adult.

When we arrived at daycare, I asked to speak with the leader and it went like this:

Me - "JJ told me that the leaders don't help the kids with sunscreen, is this true?"
Leader - "Yes, but we tell them to do a really good job."
**At this point my face automatically adopts a "you're a big idiot" look.
Me - "I can't put sunscreen on my back by myself and I"M 32 years old."
Leader - "Well they wear a shirt too."
Me - "A t-shirt allows UV rays through. Even more so when it's wet. Put sunscreen on my daughter."
Leader - "Well......"
Me - "I regularly have moles removed from my body and tested for cancer. PUT SUNSCREEN ON MY DAUGHTER'S BACK!"
Leader - "Sure."

That's what I thought you'd say.

Yeah, JJ is in a day camp for kids from kindergarten to grade 2. They need extra help. Hell, if she is able to take care of herself, why am I paying $140/week on their day camps? I honestly thought she was going to tell me it wasn't her responsibility. It would have not been pretty. The daycare standards sitting on my desk strongly suggest it IS her responsiblity. Take that.

Run, Forest, Run!

To the boy who keeps running down the hallway past my office,

Unless your ass or this building is on fire, stop running down the hallway. This is an office building not a race track. When you run in here it makes me think there is something wrong. You do it so frequently, I'm getting whip lash from my head snapping up so often. Next time, you may trip over my foot.

Love,

Princess Slow the Hell Down

There's a Storm Brewing

I swear that today, given the perfect conditions, I could manifest into the perfect storm. It's brewing.

Salt or Ketchup, The Great Debate

I find it bizarre that when you go through the Wendy's drive-thru, you have to ask for ketchup but they automatically put salt in the bag. Do that many people ask for extra salt for those already salty fries? I worked in fast food many,many, many moons ago and from what I remember, there were more request for ketchup than salt.

Perhaps salt costs less than ketchup so they toss it in the bag to make you feel like you're at least getting something for free. But you have to ask for the pricier condiments like ketchup. I can hear the big wigs in the meetings now "Folks, these are tough economic times and we need to cut costs. Toss a packet of salt in the bag and maybe the bastards, I mean customers, won't ask for ketchup!"

I worked in fast food in high school and only giving ketchup upon request actually started way back then. I'm not really complaining about it. I think it's smart to only give out condiments when requested. In fact, when I ask for ketchup and they give me a fist full I tell them I only need one. Waste not want not, right? I just find it funny that they toss a bunch of salt in the bag without asking.

Fiction vs. Reality

So, I'm a scrapbooker - not new information. I like to read various blogs - again not an earth-shattering confession. I read a number of blogs on a daily basis. A few blogs are scrapbook related and a number of them are not. Now, I'm not lumping all the scrapbooking blogs together but I really wonder if those ladies live in same reality that I do.

A number of the big names in the scrapbooking world also have big families. I'm talking families with 3, 4, 5 kids. We all love our kids and like to have fun with them but we also have challenging days too. Not in scrapbook celebrity land. I swear their lives are all sunshine and lollipops and their kids sneeze gold. Yes, there is something to be said for positive thinking but, seriously, it all seems perfect ALL of the time.

I read www.dooce.com every day and boy is she a contrast to the Stepford Scrapbookers. Like many of the scrapbook bloggers, Dooce- real name is Heather, has children. She has a 5 year old and a newborn and talks about her life. The glaring difference is that Heather seems to portray the reality of having kids.

Just once, I'd like to see a photo on the scrapbook blogs where the celebrity scrapbook Mama has spit-up on her shirt. As opposed the perfect hair, perfect nails, perfect makeup, holding the perfect card, with her spotless kids standing there being perfect that we normally see. The reality is that we're all reading those perfect blogs with a toothpaste blob on our shirt, while eating a cookie we found at the bottom of our purse!

How Much Does Your Mother Love You?

My Mama loves me enough to buy me 5 pairs of shoes. You heard me. 5.

You Are Soooooo Cool that I Can Hardly Stand You...I Mean It.

I think all your bragging about your weekend long drunk and run ins with the law are totally lame. It was lame back in the day and it's especially lame at 30 something years old. Ahhhhh....gotta love Facebook updates.

Welcome to the Neighbourhood

I think the new fire station is opening next door to my office. I see trucks and firefighters over there. I don't know if it's officially open yet but, if not, it's close. I think the neighbourly thing to do is to go over and welcome them to the neighbourhood. I've been spending some time in my supervisor's office lately (he has a window overlooking the fire station) and one of those times I offered to be the official welcome person for my office. He laughed and said no. I can't imagine why? I think maybe it's because he doesn't like the nose prints that I keep leaving on his window. Stacey and Jen keep your schedules open. We may need to schedule a very important lunch meeting to go over and say "Welcome, boys! Need help washing that truck?".

Thought for the Day

Perhaps your day is not going so well when your conversation includes "I hope insert fake name here has a wonderful fucking life". Feel free to share your own conversation excerpts.